How Drug Addiction Changed My Life
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

How Drug Addiction Changed My Life

His presence was always there even when he was not.

How Drug Addiction Changed My Life

They always say that as a little girl, your daddy is the first man to ever love you and show you how you deserved to be treated. I was never given that luxury.

For years my dad would come home high every night after disappearing for the entire day. He would wake up my mother solely just to start an argument. Many nights I would wake up from their screaming and cry myself back to sleep. Sometimes I purposely cried loud enough for them to hear in hopes they would stop. Sometimes they did, sometimes I just wouldn’t go to sleep at night. I still suffer from insomnia to this day.

I remember one specific time my dad was nodding off in the middle of the day while I was trying to talk to him. He told me he loved me and that he was sorry for never being around. Those words meant much to me as a child. But as I got older, I began to realize that they didn’t mean anything.

Although we never had a good conversation, I always looked forward to actually seeing him and being able to talk to him. Even if he didn’t talk back or fell asleep while I was talking, I made myself believe that he was listening.

I guess the hard part was that he was never truly absent from my life. His presence was there even when he was not. Sometimes I wish he would have just left completely. I think that would have been easier on me.

While his addiction may or may not be over, it will never be over for me. I am fighting a constant battle within myself every single day.

I thank my dad for the things he’s done for me. He’s the reason that I always say “no” to drugs and stay out of trouble. He’s the reason that I care so much about people because I know what it’s like to not be cared for. He’s the reason I have my guard up for all of the right reasons. He’s the reason that I keep pushing myself to go far in life, because I do not want to end up like him. He’s the reason I always keep my promises to the best of my ability, because I know what it’s like to be let down.

I often feel guilty for having little to do with him. I tell myself it's not his fault and I read articles about how addiction is a disease on a regular basis. But unfortunately, I am unable to put the past behind me.

Contrary to belief, I have forgiven my father for all of the pain he has caused my family and I. However, it is impossible to forget about everything.

It saddens me that my dad probably won't be there to see me graduate from college, walk me down the aisle, or even be a part of my children's lives. He was once an amazing man with a great life. It's unbelievable how just one hit can change all of that.

If anyone reading this has dealt with substance abuse in their lifetime, I want you to know that you are not alone. If you are someone struggling with addiction yourself, I hope this article encourages you to find a way out. Addiction truly does affect everyone around you and it will for the rest of their lives.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

Meet the creators making their voices heard on Odyssey.

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week
Why I Write On Odyssey

At Odyssey, we're on a mission to encourage constructive discourse on the Internet. That's why we created the response button you can find at the bottom of every article.

Last week, our response writers sparked some great conversations right here on our homepage. Here are the top three response articles:

Keep Reading... Show less

"Arthur's Perfect Christmas" Is The Perfect Holiday Special, Move Over Charlie Brown

Arthur Read is here to deliver the real meaning of Christmas.


As the holiday season draws nearer, many of us find ourselves drawn to the same old Rankin-Bass Christmas specials and the perennial favorite, "A Charlie Brown Christmas." However, I would like to suggest an overlooked alternative, "Arthur's Perfect Christmas." It is a heartfelt, funny, and surprisingly inclusive Christmas special that deserves more recognition.

Keep Reading... Show less
Reclaim Your Weekends From The 'Sunday Scaries' With 'Self-Love Sundays' Instead
Olivia DeLucia

Laid back and taking it easy — sometimes that is the motto we all need after a busy week. Sunday scaries? Yes, they are valid – but you know what else is? A Sunday full of self-love. A lazy Sunday spent doing what you feel needs to be done to ease into the next week. Self-Love Sundays are a guilty pleasure that isn't only essential for our mind, and body, but are also a surprisingly proactive way to devote the upcoming week with a clear mindset.

So, what is a more suitable way to dedicate your week's end than a beautifully, connected playlist to accompany your face masks and journaling? Cheers, to a Self-Love Sunday (and a playlist intertwined with it to match). (Please note: "Sunday Morning" isn't included in this list, due to the obvious, but feel free to blast it anyway, we know you want to).

Keep Reading... Show less

On Sunday Morning

Breaking Free

Sunset Girl

The sun rose and peeked through the sheer curtains. Rose’s alarm shrieked. The loud bells caused her phone to jump on the side table. It was time for her to get ready for church. Blindly reaching for her phone, she shut the alarm off and pulled at the covers providing her a cocoon of warmth and tossed them to the side. She swept her bare feet across the bed to touch the cool wooden floor.

Rose softly tiptoed to the corner of the bedroom to grab her clothes dangling on the arm of the bedroom chair. Scooping all of the items of her chosen outfit, she headed to the bathroom hoping that she wouldn’t drop anything.

Round, piercing blue eyes stared back at her in the bathroom mirror. Rose fingered the wrinkles forming around her eyes. So many of them bore signs of laughter and smiling. Slowly dropping her hands, she couldn’t remember the last time she laughed in her home with Tom. Shaking her head as if to erase the negative thoughts, she reached for her makeup bag and went through her regular routine.

Applying her favorite deep rose lipstick, Rose headed downstairs to make her coffee and bagel to take with her to church. The smell of dark-roast coffee swirled in the air as Rose sliced her cinnamon raisin bagel. Hearing the Keurig sputter with the fresh brew, Rose found the interruption of the stillness comforting. The toaster signaled that her bagel was done with a soft pop. It had a delicious golden brown color. Placing the bagel on the counter, she generously spread honey nut flavored cream cheese across both halves. Gathering her bible, notebook, and pens from the side table on the porch she stuffed them into her purse. Purse hanging on her right shoulder she juggled her coffee and bagel in both of her hands as she headed to the garage.

Keep Reading... Show less

This Holiday Season, Choose To Be Eco-friendly And Reduce Pollution

Many of us have old magazines lying around, fully read and not of much use anymore. However, we can use their bright colors and prints as a stylish and trendy wrapping paper!


It can be overwhelming to see the detrimental effects of climate change and pollution on the news, from animals dying and forest fires spreading, but there are smaller changes that we can all make to reduce our carbon footprint, and it begins with our gifting season.

On average, Americans throw 25% more trash between Thanksgiving and New Years, which translates to 25 million tons of garbage. That's 1 million extra tons per week.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments