"Addiction is a family disease, one person may use, but the whole family suffers." This is a quote that I first read a couple months ago, and I thought to myself, "wow this is so true." This quote basically sums up what it's like to have a family member or close friend that does drugs. This is the outside cover of a book--it paints a picture that is very sad but has a tad bit of "everything isn't that extreme", but when you open the "book" and dig inside it, you discover the journey. You'll find all these situations, feelings, and voices of what really is going on with someone who is addicted to a drug addict.
Have you ever felt uncontrolled of your body? You felt like it had no power at all, like it is hooked on something 24/7? That is what I go through every single day, but that "something" is a person.
I'll explain a little better; I will take you through a morning of what goes on in the head of an addict to a drug addict:
You wake up and call that person to make sure they're up for work. You then start to think, is that person really at work? When is that person supposed to be home? What if they don't come home? What if they decide to escape and do more drugs today? Maybe I don't want that person to come home? Maybe it will be easier?
You replay what happened last time in your head (you start to cry). Should you call again to make sure they got to work alright? Where really is that person? They hate their job, you feel bad for them. You wish they could take off and sleep all day. How can you help them? You can't help them they won't let you. And then you get up and start your day where you cannot fall behind. You wish them the best as they destroy you. They don't deserve the best, but to you, that person is your world and what you revolve around. It's a constant worry for that person, 24/7. You're addict to that person because you love them but they created a monster out of you.
"Just talk to them," they say, like that's really going to fix the issue. Talking to an addict is like talking to a wall. It goes in one ear and out the other. How could anyone talk to someone that brings them pain and tears just by looking at them? You could sit them down every single day and have a talk but that person won't change unless they want to. You aren't able to express the things that you think about in your head because that constant worry comes back. You might build up the courage to say something but then in your head you begin to think, "What if I upset that person? What if after they go and do something stupid? How could I live with myself if that happens?" So you find other ways to support them without expressing your feelings.
You are addicted to the person that they will become. You try to help them by motivating them on their worst days and believing in them on their greatest days. You stop caring about yourself and your own life, and start obsessing over theirs. You push them to go out more with positive friends rather than staying in bed. You become blind to the lying, manipulating, and the stealing. All of this doesn't matter because your main focus is them and what their next move will be.
It's a constant game of waiting for them to slip up again and wondering what you will do next. You don't care about your future and the things you have to get done. It is always about them.
The feeling of being addicted to a drug addict is like needing a constant high. That "high" you look for and get is worrying about them, needing to know everything they are doing, and letting them take control of your body by their actions.
You become so addicted to them that you don't understand everything going around you. You begin to lose interest in everything that doesn't involve them. You don't go out anymore, you constantly sleep, you distant yourself from your friends and family, and you stop taking care of yourself.
It takes awhile to realize the boat you have been sinking in, but once you realize how controlled and addicted your body is, you realize it is time for you to change. There are so many support groups to help yourself and to help realize exactly what has taken over your life. You learn the proper way to handle loving a drug addict and how to manage taking care of yourself, while still loving and supporting them.
You soon begin to realize that the drug addict isn't the victim from drugs, but that you are in fact the victim.