The new year is here, and so far it's already a lot to handle.

Maybe I'm being dramatic, but the start of 2016 is not encouraging me to make dramatic proclamations of changes to come. In fact, it's terrifying me.

For someone who lives with both anxiety and depression, the new year is daunting in its many facets. What if it's worse than 2015 was? What if I mess it up? What if at the end of it, I look back and realize that I hardly changed at all? So many plans could fall through, or even worse, I could just decide not to make any. What if I tell everyone that I'm planning on making huge exponential changes, but then I fail? It's only Jan. 1 and already I'm wishing I could crawl back into my bed and sleep until December.

To avoid stagnancy, American society teaches us to make New Year's resolutions. What are you going to do in the new year that will make you a better human? New Year's resolutions are exhausting. By March, somewhere around 80 percent of people have given up on the overwhelmingly large goal they had just two months ago, set for themselves. For example, every year I tell myself I'm going to lose weight and be kinder to people around me. Do you know how many years I've promised myself I would be 130 pounds and sweet as pie by the end of the year? Like five. And do you know how many years it's actually happened? Actually zero. So, in lieu of a New Year's resolution, I've decided to do something crazy. In 2016, I just want to be happy.

I want to be happy no matter the cost. You see, last year I came incredibly close to transferring, and then even closer to dropping out of school altogether. I felt alone, hurt, stupid and confused, but I think God had other plans. The first nine months of 2015 wrecked me mentally and emotionally, and the last three I spent putting myself back together. I changed my entire life in 2015 because I thought it would give me some sort of inner peace. I moved out of my house and into my own apartment, I adopted 2 dogs, changed my major, started dating my super awesome boyfriend, became almost completely self-sufficient, started my dream job and joined a sorority. Between my dogs, my man and my sisters, I survived 2015, but barely. Even with all of these external changes, I was still not happy internally. I realized that I have to be happy with myself, and until that happened, no matter how many changes I made on the outside, I would still feel ugly in my heart. This year, instead, I have decided that my mental health and my happiness are priority above everything else. This cannot come from external change and stimuli. It has to come from within me. Peace, in its nature, radiates from the inside out.

To prepare for 2016 I've taken a few steps to keep myself happy and healthy. I dyed my hair back to its natural color because I want to feel like me again. I quit one of my jobs to allow myself more free time and have vowed to take my dogs for a walk every single day. I started cooking cleaner foods for myself and exercising more, but not to lose weight. I want to give my body the fuel it needs to be strong, productive and able. Lastly, I have chosen to explore more. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I'm exploring the idea of therapy and coloring to relieve anxiety. I'm exploring the idea of being honest with other people about my wants and needs and not letting people walk all over me. I'm trying new foods now and wearing clothes that make me feel good about myself, no matter the size or shape. I'm exploring who I am as a person in the hopes that by the end of 2016 I'll like what I have found.

I spent so much of 2015 making other people happy that I forgot to make myself a priority. I thought that I would just accidentally stumble upon happiness, so I wasn't actively searching for it. This is something I have promised myself to change in this new year. It's not a resolution, just a realization that I deserved better than I gave myself in 2015.

You deserve better than you gave yourself in 2015. Maybe you have a resolution, a goal you want to accomplish, or maybe (like me) you just want to not be as miserable as you were last year. Whatever you plan to do in 2016, just do it with everything you have. Don't quit. Change your whole life if you have to, but only if it's what makes you feel most alive. Search for peace within yourself and share that peace with your neighbor. Make 2016 your best year yet.

"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light." — Dylan Thomas (1947)