Pain Is Beauty

I Immortalized My Break— Up To Forget About It

They say time heals wounds. Especially if its 12 hours filming it..and then editing it into 7-minute footage.

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Growing up, I knew art healed me. When I was in 7th grade and felt ice cold when I saw the 8th grader I totes thought I was completely not crushing on anymore, I wrote a poem.

When I felt conflicted about a family member leaving the house and disrupting the natural flow of household dynamics I was accustomed to, I wrote a poem. When my grandpa and grand-uncle died, I wrote poems and they became my eulogy. Writing healed me. Creativity forced me to express my emotions, it allowed me to reflect on my feelings, and more importantly, it helped me accept that life isn't going to be easy, that figuring things out is nearly impossible, and that, at the end of the day, people's effect on us can become a tidal wave or a small plop on our timeline.

Abstract symbolism reflecting on the good & bad of relationshipshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DciIokgQp4&t;=1s

The thing about your first relationship is that its an IKEA furniture piece you use all day to assemble because all your instructions are in Swiss and you don't speak Swiss. It's incredibly difficult and sometimes doable. Some things fit, and then they don't anymore. In short, it didn't end well.

She's maaaaaddd, mad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DciIokgQp4&t;=1s

Coping with my first break-up involved a lot of surrounding myself with love from my friends and focusing on myself. Then one day, I found myself in the library, writing a script that was completed within minutes. The script even involved doing a voice-over of a poem I wrote. Funny how that happens. I called up friends to work with, organized a production set-list, and voila! It's July 15. Day two of filming.

One of my fave scenes: barefoot in DTLA waterhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DciIokgQp4&t;=1s

My project involved traveling around downtown Los Angeles. Due to some unforeseen circumstance, I had to cast myself as, well, myself. I went through the symbolic and literal motions of the script with my co-star, going through my ex-relationship and its tidal waves again, and again, and again. I thought it would break my heart experiencing these places tied to painful memories, but instead, it was cathartic re-experiencing it with an amazing group of friends/coworkers. Filming took us from morning and night in one day, then we moved to post-production.

I call this: Fake Love by Drake, ft. City Hallhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DciIokgQp4&t;=1s

For weeks, I worked alongside my editor perfecting each cut, transition, and lining up the scenes with the audio. Every time we cut a scene, I felt more of the harshness from the break-up fade away. Before my very eyes, my heartbreak transformed into an objective, unemotional project rather than my own subjective experience. Separating my break-up from myself and dealing with it as an assignment really healed all the sadness and hurt and guilt I had felt. As we neared the end of production, I felt 98% okay.

Fun fact: I wear the same pants in all the scenes except the last one, I just changed my top ¯\_(ツ)_/¯https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DciIokgQp4&t;=1s

After releasing the film, I received some feedback that, although it was great, it was kind of weird to immortalize my break-up forever for everyone to see. Very Taylor Swift of me.

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However, I don't regret the decision at all. Creating a film about my breakup was the turning point in getting over it. The only way I truly felt myself heal was when I objectified my breakup, rather than being subjective and mope about it. I advise anyone going through a rough patch to make something beautiful out of their negative feelings.

The moments that bring us misery can be one of the best works of art we are capable of producing.

I cry every time I visit this beautiful view. It's just so breath-taking.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DciIokgQp4&t;=1s

And if you'd like to check out what I made (sorry, not sorry, for the shameless plug):

Paint Me With Love, LA

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9 Reasons Crocs Are The Only Shoes You Need

Crocs have holes so your swag can breathe.
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Do you have fond childhood objects that make you nostalgic just thinking about your favorite Barbie or sequenced purse? Well for me, its my navy Crocs. Those shoes put me through elementary school. I eventually wore them out so much that I had to say goodbye. I tried Airwalks and sandals, but nothing compared. Then on my senior trip in New York City, a four story Crocs store gleamed at me from across the street and I bought another pair of Navy Blue Crocs. The rest is history. I wear them every morning to the lake for practice and then throughout the day to help air out my soaking feet. I love my Crocs so much, that I was in shock when it became apparent to me that people don't feel the same. Here are nine reasons why you should just throw out all of your other shoes and settle on Crocs.

1. They are waterproof.

These bad boys can take on the wettest of water. Nobody is sure what they are made of, though. The debate is still out there on foam vs. rubber. You can wear these bad boys any place water may or may not be: to the lake for practice or to the club where all the thirsty boys are. But honestly who cares because they're buoyant and water proof. Raise the roof.


2. Your most reliable support system

There is a reason nurses and swimming instructors alike swear by Crocs. Comfort. Croc's clogs will make you feel like your are walking on a cloud of Laffy Taffy. They are wide enough that your toes are not squished, and the rubbery material forms perfectly around your foot. Added bonus: The holes let in a nice breeze while riding around on your Razor Scooter.

3. Insane durability

Have you ever been so angry you could throw a Croc 'cause same? Have you ever had a Croc bitten while wrestling a great white shark? Me too. Have you ever had your entire foot rolled like a fruit roll up but had your Crocs still intact? Also me. All I know is that Seal Team 6 may or may not have worn these shoes to find and kill Osama Bin Laden. Just sayin'.


4. Bling, bling, bling

Jibbitz, am I right?! These are basically they're own money in the industry of comfortable footwear. From Spongebob to Christmas to your favorite fossil, Jibbitz has it all. There's nothing more swag-tastic than pimped out crocs. Lady. Killer.

5. So many options

From the classic clog to fashionable sneakers, Crocs offer so many options that are just too good to pass up on. They have fur lined boots, wedges, sandals, loafers, Maryjane's, glow in the dark, Minion themed, and best of all, CAMO! Where did your feet go?!

6. Affordable

Crocs: $30

Feeling like a boss: Priceless

7. Two words: Adventure Straps

Because you know that when you move the strap from casual mode chillin' in the front to behind the heal, it's like using a shell on Mario Cart.

8. Crocs cares

Okay, but for real, Crocs is a great company because they have donated over 3 million pairs of crocs to people in need around the world. Move over Toms, the Croc is in the house.

9. Stylish AF

The boys will be coming for you like Steve Irwin.

Who cares what the haters say, right? Wear with pride, and go forth in style.

Cover Image Credit: Chicago Tribune

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From One Nerd To Another

My contemplation of the complexities between different forms of art.

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Aside from reading Guy Harrison's guide to eliminating scientific ignorance called, "At Least Know This: Essential Science to Enhance Your Life" and, "The Breakthrough: Immunotherapy and the Race to Cure Cancer" by Charles Graeber, an informative and emotional historical account explaining the potential use of our own immune systems to cure cancer, I read articles and worked on my own writing in order to keep learning while enjoying my winter break back in December. I also took a trip to the Guggenheim Museum.


I wish I was artistic. Generally, I walk through museums in awe of what artists can do. The colors and dainty details simultaneously inspire me and remind me of what little talent I posses holding a paintbrush. Walking through the Guggenheim was no exception. Most of the pieces are done by Hilma af Klint, a 20th-century Swedish artist expressing her beliefs and curiosity about the universe through her abstract painting. I was mostly at the exhibit to appease my mom (a K - 8th-grade art teacher), but as we continued to look at each piece and read their descriptions, I slowly began to appreciate them and their underlying meanings.


I like writing that integrates symbols, double meanings, and metaphors into its message because I think that the best works of art are the ones that have to be sought after. If the writer simply tells you exactly what they were thinking and how their words should be interpreted, there's no room for imagination. An unpopular opinion in high school was that reading "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne was fun. Well, I thought it was. At the beginning of the book, there's a scene where Hawthorne describes a wild rosebush that sits just outside of the community prison. As you read, you are free to decide whether it's an image of morality, the last taste of freedom and natural beauty for criminals walking toward their doom, or a symbol of the relationship between the Puritans with their prison-like expectations and Hester, the main character, who blossoms into herself throughout the novel. Whichever one you think it is doesn't matter, the point is that the rosebush can symbolize whatever you want it to. It's the same with paintings - they can be interpreted however you want them to be.


As we walked through the building, its spiral design leading us further and further upwards, we were able to catch glimpses of af Klint's life through the strokes of her brush. My favorite of her collections was one titled, "Evolution." As a science nerd myself, the idea that the story of our existence was being incorporated into art intrigued me. One piece represented the eras of geological time through her use of spirals and snails colored abstractly. She clued you into the story she was telling by using different colors and tones to represent different periods. It felt like reading "The Scarlet Letter" and my biology textbook at the same time. Maybe that sounds like the worst thing ever, but to me it was heaven. Art isn't just art and science isn't just science. Aspects of different studies coexist and join together to form something amazing that will speak to even the most untalented patron walking through the museum halls.

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