Somewhere on the hierarchy of time-off from class spring break is just above the joke that is fall break, and just below the strung-out cold misery that is winter break.
Spring break is the destination wedding for the couple you’re not even close with, but your girlfriend makes you go because you two cannot upset the fragile eco-system that is female friend circles. Planning has to start in the fall at the latest, before you can even confidently commit to going. Getting in shape is best to be done around the start of the New Year, only after indulging in the highest levels of self-satisfaction since mid-November. Working out and going all in on the "new year, new you" department means one has to buy a new exercise wardrobe, and I for one would never be caught dead in outdated Lulu Lemons. Dependent on how many sizes you went down, or up, during the winter will lead to another shopping spree exclusively for the spring break trip. When was the last time you ever had to buy a full wardrobe just for thanksgiving break? Never that would be borderline psychotic. Not spring break though. If you aren’t rocking the best new Hawaiian shirts there's no way you’re putting out the necessary vibes on the beach.
At this point you are finally ready to leave. Which means you get to experience one of the many joys in the world, airport travel, because if you can drive to your spring break destination it’s obviously not worth going to. If your plane doesn’t crash (fingers crossed for everyone still on vacation) and you make it to your decided spot, jet lag will take effect and the entire first day is ruined. Oh, you’re going to power through and rage through the night? Come talk to me tomorrow morning when you’re in full zombie mode and I’m well rested and just logged a couple miles on the hotel treadmill.
Assuming you do what everyone else does and go to the beach that means one thing and one thing only, sand…like everywhere. It’s in your IPhone case, your drinks, and even areas of your body you didn’t know existed. Make sure you get a solid photo of yourself lounging though, with just the right filter and caption. My personal favorite is any use of word play that includes your location, those always get the most likes. Oh and you’re going to get burnt to a crisp while you're away, because there is no way you were able to get a decent base tan while you were studying in a Mid-Western college town for the last two months. SPF 35 or higher kids. Good luck trying to stay in touch with everyone. The remote location means you won’t have any service and can’t post your dope snap chats. That geotag filter is really going to waste. That is assuming you can even use your phone. I can never text well with two Miami Vices in both my hands. Worst of all, that spring break bod you put together is going to get destroyed from drinking copious amounts of light beer and eating Waffle House every night for dinner. Way to go, all that work for nothing. You’re better off trying to get your tolerance up instead of working out and being miserable because you can’t eat like the savage you really are.
By the end of the week most people are begging to come home and eat a decently cooked meal and sleep in their own bed, but don’t get too comfortable because you have to move back into school shortly to finish out the semester. Thankfully, here at Wooster we have the greatest holiday in the world that first Monday to ease our pain. Shake off that sand and put some aloe on your skin, that burn serves you right for doing something as ridiculous as go to the beach for spring break.
