Admit it: you’re a people pleaser.

Someone asks you for a favor and you find yourself saying yes before you can even think about the favor you’ve been asked. You don’t even take a minute to check if you have anything on your schedule for that day your friend wants you to drive them somewhere, or if you planned a vacation for that week that your boss wants you to work overtime. You don’t take into consideration that you need some down time after a week of two big exams that are on back-to-back days.

You find yourself being pulled in different directions and you can’t seem to keep up with the madness. You feel like you are letting your friends and family members down because you can’t be there for everyone all the time. The hardest part is when people point it out. They will say things like, “You seem stressed,” or “You’re so anxious lately.” Yeah, you are stressed and anxious because you spend your entire existence trying to reduce the stress and anxiety of others.

For as long as you can remember, you’ve been stuck in this eternal cycle of agreeing to join clubs, go to events, and work extra hours at your job. You don’t want to get caught up in this cycle, but you just can’t help it. It’s almost as if you’re punishing yourself and channeling your guilt about the poor life choices you’ve made into helping others feel better about themselves. You feel as if you owe the world an apology because of the mistakes you have made; you want to redeem yourself to the people that you’ve disappointed. You agree to do things for people because you want them to be better, not because you want to seem like a good person, but because you genuinely want the best for everyone that you meet. You want to have an impact on people, but you’re not looking for applause or recognition. All you want is for people to be happy with themselves and for you to be happy with yourself in the process.

It feels almost like a subconscious routine to say “yes.” The word “no” may not even in your vocabulary. You’re somewhat familiar with words like “maybe,” “possibly,” and “perhaps,” but “no” is foreign to you. Saying “no” seems too final; too abrupt; too cold.

So you stay in your comfort zone and stick to the words that you know. You tell yourself, “Okay, next time I’m going to say no.” But, yet again, you find yourself almost automatically saying your favorite word: yes. The hardest part is that you know it’s physically impossible to please everyone, but you still try. Every decision you make involves a careful and intricate series of thoughts. You constantly wonder how people are going to feel and what they will say about you. You say that you don’t care what people think about you, but the truth is that you do care. You want to be loved. You want to be liked. You want to be accepted. They will say that you don’t need to say yes to everything in order for people to accept you, but you don’t listen. The only way that you feel like you are doing your duty as a human is by offering the assistance and guidance that you feel everyone deserves.

Sometimes you screw up and you hurt people, and that’s devastating for a people pleaser. It’s the end of the world, in fact. You push yourself into doing things that you may not be comfortable with just because you want to do your duty. You know that none of this is fair to you, but you care more about others than you do yourself.

With every endeavor, with every job, with every task—you are caught in the cycle. You are physically, emotionally, and spiritually invested into others. You search for a solution in every situation and you look for ways that you can improve the lives of others. You analyze every emotion that you feel throughout the process of helping someone and you remember these feelings the next time someone asks you for a favor.

You’re a people pleaser, but you’re not the only one. You genuinely want everyone around you to see you as a good friend, a good worker, and a good mentor, but you’re never looking for praise or recognition—this is what some people often do not understand. It is simply enough for you to know that their lives were somehow changed or made easier through your efforts, even if they can’t verbally express that you’ve helped them. You want the best for the people around you, so without thinking you simply say, ”yes, of course.”