My boyfriend, Tristen, and I were watching Parks and Rec when we came across the scene where (spoiler alert) Ann and Mark break up. He asks her what went wrong in the relationship, emphasizing how they never fought. Ann replied by saying that's not a good thing.
It was at this point that I turned to my boyfriend of one year, as I realized we didn't fight much either. Before I could panic about our relationship, I thought about what this meant for the two of us. We've had minor problems, but nothing big. Were we destined to split, like Mark and Ann? I realized this isn't because we're suppressing our feelings, but the opposite. Despite our stubborn personalities, we've managed to work out any issues that come up, through picking our battles, knowing how to communicate, and learning to compromise.
Although we may disagree, we only choose the disagreements that matter the most to us both. There are levels of problems that occur in any relationship, so it's important to look at how important these issues are to you and your significant other. I try to look at the problem I'm having and ask myself some questions about it.
Does this make you feel very upset, anxious, or mad? Is this something I would feel mad about for a long time? If the issue is something frivolous, it's best to find a quick compromise, or simply agree to disagree. However, if this is something very important to you or your significant other, it is something that must be discussed between the two of you.
The next step is knowing how to communicate. Whether you are fighting or not, it is vital to keep open communication between the two of you. Every day, Tristen and I take turns discussing what happened in our day, both the good and the bad. By the end of our talks, we both feel heard.
The same applies when you and your significant other are feeling frustrated at one another. When you feel upset with them, you must immediately and honestly explain your feelings. It is very important to avoid blame statements, in which you attack the other person instead of talking about your emotions. These statements only make other people defensive, and therefore less willing to hear you out.
Also, do not bring up other fights you had before. This will make your significant other irritated and will make them lose focus. It's best to stick with one topic at a time, as this will make it more likely to find a solution.
Once you talk out your feelings, the next step is to find a solution. Especially with two stubborn people like Tristen and I, it can be hard to make both people happy at the end of an argument. However, it's vital to compromise. Finding some way to make you both happy in the long term is what keeps relationships together.
The best way to find this compromise is to think long term. Overall, who's giving more? Is there a way to equally split the solution in this argument? Is there some time in the future when someone will be giving more? Find a way to benefit both people at the end of a fight.
Overall, no couple is the same. When it comes down to it, everyone works things out differently. It's all about finding a way that works best for the two of you with good communication. Everyone has fights, but as long as you find a way to talk about it, these problems will make you stronger both as individuals and a couple.
