Last week in the "Depression In My Network" series we looked at two local students. We read, cared and fought with them through their battles with depression. This week we are looking at three more college students: Breanna Brown, Kristen Miller and Lawrence Lease.
Here are their stories.
Moving from place to place can be stressful for everyone. The move from California back to Daytona Beach, Florida was just one factor that began the push toward Breanna Brown's depression.
"We had to move home after my parents got divorced because the two jobs my mother was working still weren't enough to pay the bills. When she came back, it was hell simply because my parents would not talk to each other, and I was the messenger between them," Brown said. "I often fought with them, and I was constantly yelled at by my dad when he got mad at my mom for something."
Like others, the continuous fighting and yelling began to take a toll on Brown. Her father would constantly yell and criticize Brown and her sister. Since Brown is the older of the two, she would spend the majority of her time defending her sister who was barely in elementary school. This left Brown to deal with her own emotions all on her own, as both of her parents would get angry and continue to yell.
In between her sophomore and senior year of high school is when Brown's mental health began to crumble. Then it happened, in her first period English class. It was the first of a series of major anxiety attacks.
"It was truly terrifying," Brown said. "The world was fuzzy, I felt nauseous, lightheaded and it was really hard to breathe. It lasted over 45 minutes, and I had no idea what happened."
After a few weeks of these anxiety attacks, Brown began to realize her emotions were changing. She was no longer able to feel happy or get excited about the things that she used to, never looking forward to anything. The thought of going home every day after school was agonizing for Brown. Spending time with her friends was not as fun or exciting, and she never wanted to get out of bed.
"I had suicidal thoughts at certain points, and I remember crying frequently because I could not feel happy and I wondered when the sadness and empty feeling would end," said Brown. "I was frustrated and stuck."
Brown began to feel better day by day after moving away to college, even though it was only a few hours from her house. The anxiety and panic attacks began to decrease as the days went by.
"I remember seeing commercials about depression and not really understanding what having depression meant. It is truly debilitating at times," said Brown. "My world still seems really dull, and I am constantly tired no matter how much I sleep. Anxiety attacks take hours to recover from, and even a full night's sleep doesn't help completely. Going out isn't as exciting and bright as it used to be, and there are times that the only time I feel normal and actually genuinely happy is where I am really drunk. I do not drink to feel normal or anything but I gained an understanding of why people turn to alcohol if that makes any sense."
Although being away from her family didn't fully help, like she thought it would. Recently, Brown has begun going to therapy (since last August) and has been able to identify where her depression and anxiety was/is stemming from. Brown realized that her depression and anxiety really started in high school and not in her college years like she had thought.
For 20-year-old Kristen Miller, it all started in middle school. Unfortunately, Miller had been emotionally and mentally abused by her step-father. This disgraceful manipulation of Miller that left her questioning her self-worth.
"During eighth grade, I reached a low in my depression that left me suicidal, and then numb," said Miller. "When he left our family right before I went into high school, I was left picking up the pieces of my sanity and my self-image."
This destruction of her mental strength caused a slew of mistakes in the first two years of high school. Miller dated a bunch of boys that weren't good for her, clinging to any person that gave her some type of attention. After being with numerous men, only with her for sex—which she wasn't willing to give them—and being cheated on, Miller only ended up with a lower self-worth than she had before.
While all of this was happening to her, Miller never even thought that she could be depressed. She was struggling so hard in life that she didn't have time to think about it every being different.
"I thought everyone around me was also waging this inner war with their emotions and drowning in self-loathing, too," said Miller.
In the start of her junior year, Miller decided to redirect her life. Burning out early, Miller threw herself into school, banking on the fact that she is smart and a good writer. Trying to cling to any strings of positivity that meant she was moving in the right direction. After a while, Miller learned more about mental disorders and went to see a counselor with her mother. During, this time, she learned a lot about how what her step-father said/did to her ultimately affected her life. Like many others, Miller tried to stop what was happening to her in the beginning but just made it worse by fighting with the problem.
"Senior year was a struggle, and high school had worn me down to nothing," said Miller. "College was stressing me out majorly. I was dating someone I met online who lived in Iowa, and I was volunteering for the presidential election. I got into a car accident, and it left me bitter and scared behind the wheel, in addition to everything else. During the summer between graduation and when I started college, I lost 16 pounds and my hair started coming out in clumps in the shower because I was so overwhelmed with stress and anxiety. I didn't ever want to go anywhere or do anything, and it was a chore just to fill out the necessary paperwork to get into college."
In the fall of 2013, Miller started at the University of South Florida and immediately found herself having problems. The pressure of living away from home and in a new bigger city was more than she thought it would be. Miller hated everything about it: she hated her classes, living on campus and she missed her boyfriend and family. It was a tough first semester at college. The second semester (spring) only brought new challenges. Miller was in therapy at USF, which helped only a small bit, but her depression was back and in full swing. She hated being in Tampa and started sleeping through her classes and constantly traveling back home to Ocala. By the end of the semester, Miller failed one of her classes and was receiving two D's in others. Her GPA dropped by two points. After a year of ups and downs, Miller decided to not return to USF and to take a year off of college.
Now Miller is back in school. She is finishing her AA at her local community college. She doesn't focus on her reading or writing like she did when she was younger, but Miller is still fighting to stay ahead of the "self-loathing and the doubt and the sadness."
"Most days, I can convince myself I'm OK overall. I'm getting better at working myself down from states of high anxiety, and I have a support system of friends in place that help me when I convince myself that the world secretly hates me and that I'm not deserving of love or happiness," said Miller. "But those thoughts are still there. They still creep up when I'm not expecting it, for no reason at all, and knock me on my a** for a few days."
University of South Florida senior and mass communications major Lawrence Lease has dealt with depression for 12 years. It began in his middle school years after being bullied and abused in his school setting. It took a few years for Lease's parents to find out about his trouble in school. Although after his parents found out, they pulled him from the school that he was in and placed him into private school.
"As a result of bullying, I was forced to repeat the fourth through 12th grade," said Lease. "I would not be surprised if the students numbered in the thousands. Because of the depression, I've been insecure and become more of the quiet type."
Like many others who have dealt or is dealing with depression, it has taken Lease many years to become where he is today. He has endured years of psychologists to "kind of get back to normal."
"The biggest thing I’ve learnt is that I am good enough, that I am OK, and that regardless of what anybody else says I’m accountable to me, I’m the one who has to face myself in the mirror every day," Lease said "I have to be honest with myself. If something is making me unhappy, it is my choice to do something about it."
Lease is still dealing with his depression as he continues through college. His episodes are very minor, and he works through them when they happen.
Check back next week for Depression In My Network, Part 3, where the stories of Monica Lucio and Tatiana Morales are told. Along with our anonymous submissions from local University of South Florida students.




















