If depression is an ocean, then I am drowning, and anxiety is an anchor pulling me down to the bottom of Mariana’s Trench. I was a happy child. I had a very privileged life and anything I wanted, I could have, so why am I like this now? I had a lot of hard times, but why is it that in the good times I still find myself anticipating the bad?
If depression is gasoline, then I am covered in it, and anxiety is the match that set me aflame. Don’t talk. Don’t breathe. Maybe society will overlook me. Don’t say a word, so that the rest of the world can’t twist those same words into something that is a cruel joke. Do not dress that way. Do not support that person. Save yourself the ridicule.
If depression is darkness, then the world I see is pitch black, and anxiety is the voice that tells me demons are there. I had a good day with my friends. The sun was shining, and it felt warm on my skin, so why is it that I still feel like there is ice in my veins that makes it impossible to feel anything at all?
If depression is a mountain, then I am hiking Everest, and anxiety is taking oxygen away from me. The group of strangers across the room is laughing, so my mind convinces me that they must be laughing at me. Don’t look up, it will only make it worse. Breathe. Breathe. Why won’t any of the techniques my therapist gave me make this panic go away?
If depression is a war, then I am a lone soldier and anxiety is an army shooting at me relentlessly. “Get over it,” they tell me. “Just get up and do something,” they say. I can’t just simply get over it. It is more than a feeling. It is more than something that is just in my head.
Depression and anxiety are two weights that make it hard for me to achieve all that I want to. I want to speak up and be a leader, but these weights pull me down and try to hush my voice entirely.
I will not give up because my ambitions are stronger.
I will not stop fighting because my desires to not only survive but to thrive, shine bright like a lighthouse.
I will not be silenced because the hard times suck, but they happen for a reason; so that I may grow and learn – so that, when the time comes, I can help someone else who's in the same situation.
Depression and anxiety are two weights that feel as heavy as a boulder some days but light as a feather on other days. So I train to get stronger by using techniques like meditation, exercise and writing down the joys in my life, so that in my moments of weakness, I am prepared.
You are alive, and therefore, you are worthy of love, of joy, of life. Depression and anxiety may get the better of you some days, and that’s OK. Take a day to just breathe and clear your head when you feel the world getting dark. Just know that when tomorrow comes, you have a choice – whether to fight or to give up.
Never give up.
