Usually, when you think about bullying, it’s bad right? Of course it is, and no one could tell me differently. I don’t normally talk about myself nor my past, but for anyone who has had this problem, I’m sure you’ll be able to relate. I was never the girl that people were dying to talk to or hang out with, nor the most attractive one, but enough about my low self-esteem. I went to four different schools in my high school career but they were all the same to me. They had the same cliques, stereotypes and rude, unwelcoming faces. I remember getting gum stuck in my hair just because they thought it was funny, or being called the same usual names like they were given to me at birth. I wore baggy clothes and sat by the window to feel safe from the hell breaking loose behind me because I didn’t fit in to what they thought was “right.” Some of them even tried being my friends, which I thought would stop all the terrible things, but only made it worse. I told my darkest secrets only have them thrown in my face because I trusted the wrong person. I had words put in my mouth, was afraid to go to school, but I did it. Why? Because I wouldn’t be here, writing this if I hadn’t. I did it because I loved my family and I knew that they would blame themselves.
Why didn’t I tell anyone? “Walk away,” “Be the bigger person,” “Kids will be kids,” was advice from educators that I was supposed to trust and feel safe around. I remember my bus driver when I was in elementary school pushing me up against the window because he felt scared of me. They brush it off their shoulders like a piece of dust. I didn’t tell my parents -- they would’ve caused a scene and that would have been even worse. I never thought of depression as a bad thing, because it felt normal to me. I thought that not having energy or eating my feelings or just shutting everyone out was normal and OK to me.
Years after I was a senior, the underclassmen still found some way to torture me, making my favorite school sport an unnecessary job instead of enjoying and fun. My parents always taught me to stick up for what I believed in and to not care what people thought about me. Life kicked me in the face after so many years of disrespect that I had had enough, and ever since then, I’ve been the happiest I’ve been in my entire life. I didn’t let anyone get to me. I stood strong and I was myself because I am a great person. I’m a human being that deserves respect, love and happiness. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for you.
So, thank you bullies for teaching me that trust is something that is hard to earn, but easily taken away. Thank you for giving me the attitude of always giving someone the cold shoulder until you truly know them. Thank you for making me realize that the people in school are so irrelevant. And most of all, thank you for pushing me to be a better person and to prove to you that you were nothing but a bump in my road to being the greatest person that I was put on this earth to be.
