To The Crush I Thought I Loved
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An Open Letter To The Crush I Never Thought I Would Get Over

Time really is the best medicine...even if it takes 11 years to kick in.

An Open Letter To The Crush I Never Thought I Would Get Over

We never dated. For years, that was all I wanted - to date you. I thought I loved you and the people around me knew that. In fact, a lot of our mutual friends will know this is about you. For the purpose of this article, though, I'll call you B. I already wrote to you in short regarding what I will write about but here's the complete truth.

On paper, we were perfect for each other. Our moms love each other, I know your family, you know mine. We're of the same ethnicity, religion, and culture. Moreover, we've known each other since infancy. I still have those pictures of us at the beach with our parents.

But we're not little anymore. So much has changed. We're coming on almost two decades since we were in a remotely similar situation. I don't know you anymore and you don't know me. You said that we aren't strangers and that we just had a falling out.

B, are you sure? What do you know about me that makes us anything more than strangers? And what is this falling out you're talking about? I don't remember it happening.

I have heard so much about you through so many people and some of it has to do with me. The fact that you asked a mutual friend to ask my friend to ask me if I started rumors. What is that bullshit?

If we weren't strangers if we were friends like you said we were, what was stopping you from asking me directly? But it's not your fault, not even a little bit. You had no idea what was actually happening on my side of this situation.

B, let me explain why I was infatuated by you for years. I needed male validation. Sounds messed up, but it's true. I didn't get it at home and you were the first guy I thought could give me that.

I was never able to talk to other Indian guys growing up and you were just sorta there. You were my first Indian guy friend ever and I wanted something from you that I didn't get at home, obviously, it wasn't, and never will be your responsibility.

My first memory of us was in 2007, my mom and I stayed at your place. You dragged me down to the basement to show me your black belt, we played catch, and you hit me in the face by accident. That's when it started. Something weird sparked in me while we spent that time together but I didn't think about it too much until much later. Flash forward to 2011, we're at your place again and I have the delusion that you like me too and that was the first time I made a fool out of myself, for your affection.

This continued to happen until 2014. Nothing materialized of course and honestly, I didn't think about you too much after that. I should have moved on, right? It's not like we ever had anything. But then I saw you again in 2017 and you were staring. I allowed people around me to talk to you for me, which was a dumb decision on my part, but I apologized and we moved on.

What's the point of all this though? Why are we taking a walk down memory lane? Because it all led up to 2018. I saw you too many times, too many people found out about my feelings, and it became a huge thing.

All these years of built up feelings eventually just poured out. Everyone was so excited to have something to gossip about though. Don't act like you don't know about the rumors people spread. It was a good thing they did though because I was sick and tired of it all so I could finally let go of my longing for you.

I'm over you. 2007-2018. That's how long it took, but I'm finally completely and totally over you. B, you did nothing, yet you took all my energy and honestly, you're not worth it.

You're not worth me. You taught me a lot though. You taught me the difference between love and infatuation. You showed me what I did and didn't want in a partner. You allowed me to learn that things don't always have to be weird with someone you had feelings for. I truly hope you find someone absolutely amazing, because you deserve it. As for my love and validation, I've finally learned that I don't actually need anyone. I've learned to love myself and that's partially due to you so, thanks B.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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