About a month ago, I noticed a mark on my leg. I wasn’t quite sure what it was and honestly, I just chalked it up to another cut from all the shenanigans of summer. Over a month later, the mark that I had once thought of as a “cut” had grown into a divot in my leg that couldn’t be touched because it hurt too much. I slowly started to get concerned about it, and after consulting with a general practitioner, it was determined that I needed to go to my dermatologist... yesterday. He was concerned, and in an instant so was I. He was concerned that I could be actually sick, and because I spend all of my time in the sun, that it could be a carcinoma, a type of skin cancer
I know when some people think of skin cancer they don’t think of a big scary cancer, I mean to be perfectly honest, neither did I. But then, when it’s your body, that changes. When I finally got to the dermatologist, he was speechless. He didn’t know what to say, what was on my leg, or what the results would say, but he knew one thing: we needed to biopsy the cut, and quick. He even dropped the word, the word that I hate the most in the entire English language, the worst curse word anyone can say: Cancer. In that moment, my life froze, and at the same time it kept spinning into what would turn into the longest 6-days of my life.
When I finally reached the doctor the following Tuesday, I asked the nurse if my results were in, and she responded with, “I need to get the doctor.” I remember my heart sinking, and tears beginning to stream down my face. That couldn’t mean anything good. When the doctor came on the phone, his words were deafening “you got lucky, and we caught it early, you have precancerous cells, and that lesion needs to be removed as soon as possible.”
My legs went limp, and I just sat down on the soccer field that I was at. A long day of camp, and an anxious mind had told me that that call needed to take place on the one part of the world that was always safe and always would be a constant. As scared and angry as I was, I knew I was safe, and I knew I would be okay. The doctor kept talking, but for the life of me I could never tell you what he said. I remember thinking, I need to call my Mom and Dad, I need to tell them. But most importantly, I remember breathing, and really inhaling the world around me.
It was the biggest wake up call a person could get, those three little letters before the word cancerous. Before your world is ripped out from under you and before things change in a minute. For now, my life would continue on normally, and for now, I could continue on the path, dreams and goals that I have always wanted. I got lucky.
As I called my parents and told them what had happened, I got more and more angry. I did everything right. I don’t sunbathe, I had never even set foot in a tanning salon, and I wear sunscreen, why would this happen to me, why would this even be a thought in my head? And that’s when the lessons and realizations began.
Life doesn’t give you what you deserve, or what you want, if it did, this would be too easy. It gives you the obstacles, and the chaos that you need to remain humble, loyal, and resilient. It's about dealing with what you are dealt, and making something out of the challenges. In those 2 minutes between hearing the nurse say “I need to get the doctor” and the doctor talking to me, I was quickly reminded of how lucky I am to have people that love me and care about me as they do, and how grateful I should be for them.
As I collapsed on to the soccer field, in a mix of anger and relief, I was reminded of how blessed I am to be pursuing the dreams and goals that light a fire within me. And as I called my parents to tell them what the doctor had said, I was reminded of how loved I am and how much support I have surrounding me constantly.
I am not going to sit here and say that I saw the light, and this moment was life altering, because it wasn’t. But it was a wake up call. You get one life, one body, and one opportunity to make it all worth it and the best possible, so go after it, and make it worthwhile. Give your body the love, respect, and care it needs, and deserves for giving you the moments and memories that make this life worth living. Embrace the little moments and really take it all in, even when it seems like it is all just chaos and disaster. Love the people you love, and make sure you tell them way too much, and most importantly, live, live to the highest extent and pursue your dreams endlessly.
As the days went on past getting this phone call, I truly embraced the chaos and turmoil that is working a soccer camp, and enjoyed every second of it, because it was an understanding that in a minute all of this can be taken from you. I wish there was an easier way for it to happen, but for me, having that two minutes of deathly fear, brought a perspective of how quickly it can be gone.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you how to live your life, but I will tell you that this little brush with a scare of cancer taught me, or better yet reminded me of four very important things that I think we should all take a minute to remember:
- Life happens, and you can’t change that. So no matter what comes your way, take the punches, take the blows, and move on. If you have to fight, fight, if you have to cry, cry, and if you want to laugh, laugh, but whatever you do LIVE.
- Family is everything. They will be your first phone call when things are bad, and the first text when things are great. Love them, whether they are the family you were born into or the family you created, love them, and make sure they know it.
- Go after what you are most passionate about. No matter what obstacles, or chaos happens, whatever your dreams are, push everything else aside and go after them relentlessly.
- You get one life, make it epic.
I never thought that this would be a topic I could write about or even talk about, because let’s look at reality, we all never think it will be us. These things don’t happen to you or to me, they happen to “them.” Well it happened, and it was a wake up call like no other, but lucky for me, it was simply a scare. For those of you out there fighting, thank you for being a constant reminder of strength, and for those of you out there reading this, I hope you take something out of it, and maybe it will be a simple reminder of how amazing this life is.
So here’s to the journey, may it be forever chaotic and filled with those we love.
