When I began nursing school two years ago, I did not know what to expect at all. I didn’t have any experience and only knew what I watched on "Grey’s Anatomy." On paper, I quickly learned all there was to know about patient care, nursing skills, and disease processes. But I wouldn’t put this knowledge to use until I accepted a job on an oncology floor as a nursing assistant. And let me tell you, what they teach you in class cannot nearly prepare you enough for what you experience in real life.
From the first day, I was literally staring death right in the face and it was terrifying. The cancers and diseases I witnessed were nothing I had ever seen before. I read about them in pathophysiology, but up close and personal was another world. As time went on I quickly learned it was just as much heartbreaking as it was terrifying. I saw rooms overflowing with worried family members. I wiped away tears from troubled and tired patients. I saw a lot of denial masked as hope for a change. I sometimes became the target for anger and outbursts, as exasperated patients and families had no other outlet for their feelings. Sadly, I would come one day and see a patient I cared for the night before was no longer there.
While these patients are walking through hell, I can’t help but admire their optimism. Even those with the worst prognoses still see a brighter tomorrow. To them, maybe it’s a walk down to the hospital garden or an impending visit from a family member. Maybe it’s a new drug treatment. It’s new, it’s hopeful, it’s something to look forward to. It might be small, but it’s something.
From these wonderful patients I’ve learned to take the small victories life rewards you; one patient was overjoyed their fever had decreased one degree, and we were just as excited for them. It truly is the little things that make life big and worth living.
A patient I recently cared for had just gotten back from a cruise in the Caribbean when they noticed their lymph nodes were swollen; soon after they were diagnosed with Lymphoma and now calls the hospital home. They cannot even take themselves to the bathroom without assistance. This patient literally did not see it coming and never would have expected this life for themselves; they were just in the Caribbean for God’s sake. It just isn’t fair. This just goes to show that although we think we have an idea, we cannot predict life. It throws all kinds of curveballs, some unfortunately much worse than others.
In life, all we can do is take what we are given and adapt to it. Have hope and be that “glass half full” person. Accept the victories when they prevail, no matter how small. And lastly, we should always, always offer ourselves as part of a support system; be the shoulder for someone to lean on or the hand to wipe away the tears. No one should have to walk through hell alone.
