It's election season and the primaries are upon us. With the purpose of educating the college student electorate, here is an incredibly brief guide to all the current viable candidates for U.S. president. (The order of the list is totally random, so don't read into it.)

Jeb Bush

Age: 63

Favorite drink: Busch Light (because he's not as crazy as the other one?!) No, I'm not sure what he likes to drink, but he seems like a beer guy.

Political party: Republican Party

About him: Most important fact first: Jeb is a Longhorn, so let's give him a slow clap for attending the best university in the South. Jeb is big on national security. He believes that ISIS must be defeated by ground troops and he always talks about it. He also thinks the U.S. should be the leader in foreign affairs. On domestic issues, he's a pretty normal Republican. He wants to cut taxes to promote economic growth and he is proud of it. Also, he hates Donald Trump. Overall, Jeb is the kind of guy that you could see yourself chill with and he seems well-intentioned. Also, I hear he has a hell of a golf swing. *Here is a funny video of Bush telling his audience to clap because he's right, damn it!

Ben Carson

Age: 64

Favorite sex position: Missionary with a woman that is his wife, because that's what God would've wanted.

Political party: Republican Party

About him: Ben Carson is a retired neurosurgeon who just wants to help America like he helped those conjoined twins that one time. Ben Carson's big issue is well, that God wants him to run. Carson advocates a flat tax plan, a repeal of Obamacare and a foreign policy that is where the U.S. leads all around the globe. Overall, I'd want him as a brain surgeon and enjoy his calming voice, and that's about it.

*Enjoy this video of Ben Carson confusing the terrorist group Hamas with the delicious treat that is hummus.

Ted Cruz

Age: 45

Favorite activity: Filibustering his wife as she demands that he finally wash some dishes.

Political party: Republican Party

About him: Remember that one kid in middle school that would hide his gum from you and when you asked the teacher if you could go to the bathroom he mouthed, "I dont know, can you?," and laughed? Well, that kid grew up and became a politician, and that politician is Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz is that guy who just to avoid a signing of a bill into law read "Green Eggs and Ham" to Congress. He advocates a flat tax plan, a deep hatred of Obama and a change from what he calls establishment politics. Not-so-fun fact: Ted Cruz hates avocados. I mean, avocados? Talk about not being afraid to stray from public opinion.

John Kasich

Age: 63

Favorite music: Anything playing while at the YMCA gym. A.k.a. "soothing christian rock."

Political party: Republican Party

About him: Ah, John Kasich. So in a year of fear-mongering and loud voices John prefers a more positive tone. He's like your cool grandpa that says the right things and you just know that he would try his very best. He may win. He may lose. But he's going to leave you wisdom and good feelings regardless. Now when it comes to the social issues he is a bit different than the rest of the field. He does believe that marriage should be between a man and woman but accepts that gay marriage is a thing now and wont try to fight it. He also accepts that abortion is legal, and unlike his counterparts that want to ban it completely, he only wants to ban it after 20 weeks. Now on foreign policy, he is like many of the Republicans who wants America to lead on all fronts. Economically, he does not support a flat tax plan but his plan does rely heavily on tax cuts for what he says will promote economic growth. Overall, he seems sensible-ish and hey, at least he's having fun with it.

Advice to Kasich: Stop talking about Ohio all the time. We get that you were governor there, but look at what happened when Martin O'Malley didn't pipe down about Maryland.

Marco Rubio

Age: 44

Favorite dartboard: The one with Chris Christie's face on it.

Political party: Republican Party

About him: Rubio is largely considered the future of the Republican Party. That's mainly because he was programmed that way (if you're curious about the robot jokes, click that link above). Anyway, Rubio is a polished and presentable politician. He supports all the things the Republican base wants him to support, he believes Obama has "deliberately ruined America" and he rocks a good pair of heeled boots.

Overall, he looks like a president, talks like one and even smells like one (OK, I'm not sure about that last one). He might just be the Republicans' best bet.

Donald Trump

Age: Doesn't matter because greatness is immortal. (Actually, he is 69.)

Favorite child: Ivanka, by a mile. He says he loves his others, but I mean if Ivanka weren't his daughter, he says he'd date her!

Political party: Depends on the year. This year he is a Republican. But he may run as an Independent if he's not "treated fairly."

About Him: Donald Trump! What a guy. He puts the ass in kick-ass. He advocates greatness with a side of anyone that isn't him is a loser! On the issues he just goes with whatever he's feeling. Climate change? A hoax by the Chinese. Tax plan? You get a cut, you get a cut, everyone get's a cut! Isis? Bomb the sh** out of them! Donald Trump is better than you and he knows it. He would be an entertaining president of our country and if he doesn't get elected it's because the voters are idiots anyway! Donald Trump, the good kind of bad. Right now he's leading the race for the GOP nomination so time will tell if the White House will soon be rocking a big golden Trump logo...

*Here is a video of Trump saying that Mexicans are rapists. Gotta love brute honesty, right?

**Disclaimer: I am not a fan of Donald Trump.

Hillary Clinton

Age: 68

Interesting fact: Can somehow still make love with her husband, Bill, while wearing a pantsuit.

Political party: Democratic Party

About her: She has waited to be president for a long time! She was First Lady when her husband Bill was in office, she was Secretary of State for half the time Obama was in office, and now she wants it gosh darn it. She supports action on climate change, a raise in minimum wage, the right to marry and have an abortion, and basically any liberal position you can think of. In many polls she is the frontrunner, but she has lost New Hampshire by 22 points and barely won Iowa. How come? She has a trustworthy problem. She is known as a liar to many people who have grown weary of the Clinton drama and unfortunately for her she can't seem to quell those beliefs. Hillary is like the awkward female principal at my middle school. She can do the job, she loves the boring aspects of the job and she just can't connect with the young people. Will she win? The odds are in her favor but they were in 2008 too... Spoiler alert: She lost that contest.

*Here is a cringe-worthy video of Hillary Clinton trying to seem "hip" by using Snapchat...

Bernie Sanders

Age: 100 B.C. (74)

Pet peeve: That 99 percent of his group text conversations are dominated by the top 1 percent of senders.

Political party: Independent but running for the Democratic nomination.

About him: He believes that the biggest problem in politics is all the money in it. He is a self-proclaimed democratic socialist, he wants to break up the big banks, he wants give everyone in the country free healthcare, he wants to provide college education for free, and he would like to deal with systematic racism in the police department (many other candidates support this as well). This guy is a progressive's wet dream. He marched with MLK, hates on the top 1 percent incessantly and is willing to avoid sending troops into war zones at all costs. His problem lies in that in order to pay for his plans he would need to raise taxes. And not by a little. They would be substantially raised for all Americans, more so for the top 1 percent. Overall, Sanders is what I imagine Doc Brown from "Back to the Future" would be like if he ran for president, and after his huge win in New Hampshire it is intriguing to see where he goes from there.

In conclusion, I hope this list aided you in narrowing down your choices for whom to vote for this election. If not, I hope you, at least, enjoyed it.