4 Things Wrong With The "Why Black Men Don't Date Black Women" Argument

4 things wrong with The "Why Black Men Don't Date Black Women" Argument

This writer then had the opportunity to go the route of speaking about self-hate in the black community, which might have made an article worth reading, but of course, she didn't.


I recently came across an article by a creator who writes for the same publication I do. The title was genius. #Clickbait. But that is where the genius ended. Why Black Men Don't Date Black Women is easily one of the most problematic, uneducated, ill-informed and poorly written collection of falsities I have come across in a while, and yes I say that having read Fox News articles. Honestly, it was so bad, it gave me gas. #fixitjesus

Bear with me as I break it down.

1. The entire first paragraph

Okay, the "writer" states that "ever since attending a [predominately white institution], [she had] heard the phrases "I don't date black girls" or "black women are too difficult," from what I am assuming had to be a substantial amount of black men. My two questions are; what Four Loko drinking, skid marks in their boxers having, bird chest in a wife-beater wearing, crusty-heeled black men told her this? And what ghetto, back of the woods, racist institution does or did she attend? This would also suggest that the "writer" believes had she attended an HBCU (Historically Black College or University) that she would have been surrounded by black men a little more *how do I say...* WOKE. Most likely, and maybe she would be a little more versed on issues within the black community herself.

Overwhelming studies show that the majority of black men do indeed marry black women. In 2017, 85% of married black men were married to black women, while only 9% of married black men were married to white women. So, what is this girl even talking about?

In fact, the biggest reason as to why so many black women are single is mathematics. Black women outnumber black men. Period.

She went on to say that white men seemed to "praise" black women and that black men seemed to have a "big problem" with black women. Another study points out that black men are twice as likely to marry interracially than black women. So, let's do a little bit of math. If 15% of married black men have married interracially, that means that only 7.5% of married black women have done the same. So where exactly is all of this so-called "praise" from white men?

And then she briefly mentioned the fetishization and over-sexualization of black women, but glossed over it like a missed comma, only adding that it was "kinda weird." Actually, this is a serious issue for the black community, and I might table this for my next article.

2. Misogyny

Women aren't always void of misogyny. This "writer" then went on to refer to men as "men," but women as "females." Quick grammar lesson: the words "girl" and "woman" are nouns. The word 'female" is an adjective. Adjectives cannot be used without a noun (who edited that article?) I won't get into the articles' other numerous grammatical errors. Aside from her use of the word "female" simply being grammatically weird af, colloquially, the term "female" is used to degrade women and reduce them to a set of sexual organs. Which is why every language in the world has come up with a way to properly refer to women.

3. The dump on white females women (see what I did there?)

"While white women are more sensitive and willing to settle or compromise. Black women just don't put up with no mess."

For centuries scientists, nazi's and bad writers have used pseudoscience to make black people less human. At one point it was widely believed that black people felt no pain at all. In fact, recent studies still find that white people generally think that black people feel less pain as a result of these "studies." Recently, the textbook publisher, "Pearson," was under fire for racist and tone-deaf generalizations of minority groups in a nursing book.

It wasn't okay then and it isn't okay now. So, if we are going to make overarching generalizations about who people are, let's find some factual scientific data to back it up.

I'm assuming this writer is too young to have seen The Brothers. But for those of you over the age of 25, remember when Brian got overly hype about trading in his black judge girlfriend for the white karate instructor? And do you remember what happened? He foolishly expressed how dating a white girl was better because they weren't "crazy," and then he got his ass beat by the karate instructor for stereotyping her. "We don't like bullshit men," I believe were the words she used, referencing strong and independent women of all colors.

4. Racial preference

Again this so-called content creator sorta-kinda stumbled onto something that would have made for a decent article, except, a stumble is all it was.

She went on to say that she didn't have an issue with interracial relationships, and with that, I agree. In fact, I don't think I have met a black woman (or man) that has an issue with interracial relationships. Then again, I don't usually hang amongst trolls.

However, what she could have delved into is the fact it isn't a usual preference to want to date outside of one's race. The Oedipus and Electra complexes suggest that we are attracted first to what we know, which is explains why more often than not, people date within their own race. That isn't to say that people aren't open to dating other races, but it puts a stop to the idea that people generally prefer to date someone who doesn't offer a sense of familiarity.

This writer then had the opportunity to go the route of speaking about self-hate in the black community, which might have made an article worth reading, but of course, she didn't.

When I clicked on this article I honestly expected an intellectual and thoughtful piece on why some black men chose to exclusively date outside of their race. I expected a much-needed piece on the stereotyping of black women, adjacent with self-hate within the black community and how that leads to the fetishization of mixed babies and the sexualization of young black girls, but instead, I got a simple-minded stream of consciousness on how little this writer thinks of both black and white women.

Anywho, I came across this article while writing one of my own and it made my eye twitch. I had to say something.


Cover Image Credit:

Julian Howard

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Signs You're An INFJ, The World's Rarest Personality Type

INFJ, from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator instrument, is believed to be the rarest personality type, and to make up less than 2% of the population. Oh, and I am one.

INFJ, referring to one of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, has become a bit of a buzzword in the media over the past several years. The reason behind it? INFJ is considered to be the rarest personality type, making up less than 2% of the world's entire population. They are labeled as "The Advocate," and have been described as "mysterious," "intuitive," and "emotionally intelligent," yet the type as a whole is often misunderstood.

Oh, and I am one. Perhaps you are, as well.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test, created in the 1940s by mother and daughter, Isabel Myers and Katharine Briggs, originally stems from the typological theories of Carl Jung, a prominent psychoanalyst. The test assesses an individual in four categories: Extroversion vs. Introversion, Sensing vs. Intuition, Thinking vs. Feeling, and Judging vs. Perceiving, and using these criteria, determines which category one's personality most tilts toward. INFJs would be those individuals whose personalities favor the sides of Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

INFJs can be difficult to spot due to the fact that they are not prevalent in society and tend to be reserved individuals. However, INFJs make fiercely loyal friends, empathetic and organized workers, and exceptional leaders for causes they deem worthy and for the greater good of humanity.

INFJs often report feeling lonely and "different," and for good reason. INFJs are low in numbers so they tend to have trouble finding others who see the world in the same realm as they do. Most people who are this type have admitted feeling different from their peers since they were a very young child.

INFJs take an all-or-nothing approach to life. INFJs, a curious mix of emotional and logical, do not like to waste their time on anything inauthentic. Although they may dabble with playing the field, INFJs are truly about quality over quantity and will become disinterested in anyone or anything they perceive as being fraudulent, scheming, or wishy-washy.

INFJs exude warmness, and others immediately feel comfortable in their presence. It is not uncommon for a stranger to sit down next to an INFJ and within minutes, disclose their most personal secrets, fears, and dreams. In fact, this happens frequently to INFJs with seemingly no rhyme or reason. This personality type has a knack for making others immediately feel at ease, and they are great listeners and trusted confidants who speak in human terms and meet others where they are.

INFJs are somewhat empathic, and they tend to "just know" things. One of my favorite one-liners from Game of Thrones is by the character, Tyrion Lannister, "I drink and I know things," and this can often be said of an INFJ, with maybe fewer libations. INFJs have a highly-accurate sense of intuition that they have been sharpening for all of their lives. Without understanding exactly why or how, an INFJ will see, within minutes of meeting an individual, their true character. As a result, they tend to be more forgiving of their friends who exhibit unruly behavior because they can identify the true root of the behavior, such as insecurities or past trauma.

INFJs ultimately seek genuine truth and meaning. This personality type does not care one iota about grandiose tales or extravagant gestures if there is not a true and genuine motive behind them. An INFJ's calling in life is to seek insight and understanding, and as they develop, they often can spot a lie or half-truth in a moment's notice. If they believe an individual to be a phony or a manipulator, they will have no trouble writing them off. Likewise, this type often enjoys traveling, adventures and experiences that heighten their understanding of the intricacies of life and promote self-reflection.

INFJs are true introverts, yet people not very close to them believe them to be extroverts. This happens because INFJs can be social chameleons and have an innate ability to blend in in any social setting. The INFJ can be the life of the party for a night or two, showcasing their inviting nature and vivaciousness. However, this is never prolonged because, in introverted fashion, they lose energy from others. Those close to an INFJ know that this type prefers bars over clubs and barbecues over balls, and can give a speech to thousands of people but cringes at the idea of mingling with the crowd afterward. Eventually, this type will need to retreat home for some quiet time to "recharge their batteries," or they will become very on-edge and exhausted.

INFJs have intense, unwavering convictions, sometimes to a fault. An INFJ has certain ideas about the world and a need to foster change in society. These are deep-seated and intense beliefs that they will never abandon. If a career, relationship, or law does not align with their moral compass, an INFJ will have no qualms about ignoring it or leaving it in the dust.

INFJs tend to keep a small circle of friends and prefer to work alone. Although an INFJ may have hundreds of acquaintances, if they call you a "friend," you can be sure that they mean it for life. This type can count their close friends on a set of fingers and they will be loyal and devoted to these prized individuals no matter how much time passes between their interactions. An INFJ can be a great team player but the idea of group projects and collaboration meetings naturally make them sink down in their seat. These are people who enjoy working from home or in a quaint office with a handful of like-minded coworkers.

INFJs cannot stand small talk. This trait aligns with the need to pursue truth and all things bonafide. To an INFJ, small talk not only takes energy but has little purpose as it is merely speaking to fill silence without revealing any deeper layers of the individuals involved. Do not talk to an INFJ about the weather unless you want to see a glazed-over look. Instead, tell them about the causes you are promoting, the wish-list of your soul, or the way you smile every time you smell lavender because it reminds you of your great-grandmother.

INFJs are typically high-achievers and people-pleasers. If you want a task done right the first time, hand it over to an INFJ. They will plan every detail down to the minute and will always deliver a glowing finished product. However, when delivering criticism to this type, do it gently, as they take every word to heart and are always striving for perfection. This type is a unique blend of a dreamer and a doer, but they can easily fall prey to extreme bouts of anxiety or depression centered on feelings of inadequacy or failure.

INFJs are gifted in language and are often creative writers. In accordance with their introverted nature, INFJs prefer to spend time alone and develop enriched inner-lives with many hobbies and skills. This type has trouble conveying their emotions verbally, so they turn to pen and paper. This, combined with their creative nature, leaves no surprise that the majority of successful writers are, in fact, INFJs.

INFJs make decisions based off of emotion and insight. An INFJ judges the world around them and the people in it based off of how they make them feel. This type does not care about track records and performance history, instead, they look for the heart of the matter and how a person or company treats them personally. This type will trust their "gut feeling" about a situation and go with that, which has almost always proven to be accurate.

INFJs like to reflect on deep thoughts about their purpose and the world around them. This type is a thinker. INFJs are old-souls who spend a lot of time in their own minds reflecting on their purpose and the meaning behind everything that happens to them. They are often readers, researchers and intellectuals who truly enjoy learning. Although this is a noble endeavor, it is essential that the INFJ has friends, typically of the extroverted type, who can help them to be less serious and relax every now and then.

INFJs are visionaries who always see the big picture. This type tends to always operate about 10 steps ahead. They are skilled planners and focus their sights on the end goal and what is needed to propel them there. However, while INFJs are off in dreamland about their futures, they can sometimes forget to be present in the world that is happening now. As a result, they do well with other more grounded types who can remind them to live in the moment.

INFJs are "fixers," and they gravitate towards people who need help. This type loves a good fixer-upper and with their ability to see the "good bones" of another person, their true motives and intentions, and to readily provide comfort and compassion, they fall victim to the Broken Wing Theory, or the idea that they can rescue others who have a "broken wing," or who have been dealt a poor hand. This can be rewarding for the hopeful INFJ but also frustrating and depleting when boundaries are overstepped.

INFJs seek lifelong, true-blue relationships. This type usually finds themselves with intuitive extroverts, such as the ENTPs, ENFPs, and ENFJs. These types connect with the INFJ on the deeper plane of intuition, yet also will get the INFJ out of their own heads and out on the town on a Saturday night.

Think you might be an INFJ? Find out which type you are here: https://www.mbtionline.com/.

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Arab-American Heritage Month Is Not A Well Known Celebration And I'm Pissed About It

I'm an Arab-American and didn't even know this was a thing... That's sad.


The month of April is special for a lot of reasons but this one hits home for me. This is the perfect opportunity to celebrate the culture, history and amazing people who have helped bring something to this country. So many Arab-Americans have contributed a lot to society yet they don't get the recognition they deserve for it.

In today's society, the Arab community is always being looked down on and degraded. The lack of understanding from those around makes Arab-Americans feel like outsiders in a place they should be able to call home. The inaccurate images and stereotypes that inhabit the word "Arab" are sickening.

It's time to raise awareness. It's time to look beyond the media's portrayal. It's time to see a neighbor, a teacher, a doctor, a scientist, an artist, an athlete, a parent, a child, but most importantly, a human being, NOT a monster.

Arab-Americans encounter and fight racism every day. As a society, we should be better than that. We should want everyone in this country to feel wanted, needed and appreciated. Together, we should use this month as a time to shine light and celebrate the many Arab-Americans who have, and continue making this country great.

While you read this list of just a few famous Arab-Americans keep in mind how much they want this country to be amazing, just as much as anyone else does.

Dr. Michael DeBakey, invented the heart pump

Dr. Elias Corey, Nobel Prize winner for Chemistry in 1990 

Dr. Ahmed H. Zewail, Nobel Prize winner for Chemistry in 1999

Lucie Salhany, first woman to head a tv network 

Ralph Johns, an active participant in the civil rights movement and encouraged the famous Woolworth sit-in 

Ernest Hamwi, invented the ice cream cone

Pvt. Nathan Badeen, died fighting in the Revolutionary War

Leila Ahmed, the first women's studies professor at Harvard Divinity School 

We should recognize and celebrate these achievements. There are so many things you can learn when you step inside another culture instead of turning your back to it. This April, take time to indulge in the Arab-American heritage.

Instead of pushing away the things you don't understand, dive into diversity and expand your knowledge of the unknown. Together we can raise awareness. #IAmArabAmerican

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