4 things wrong with The "Why Black Men Don't Date Black Women" Argument

4 things wrong with The "Why Black Men Don't Date Black Women" Argument

This writer then had the opportunity to go the route of speaking about self-hate in the black community, which might have made an article worth reading, but of course, she didn't.


I recently came across an article by a creator who writes for the same publication I do. The title was genius. #Clickbait. But that is where the genius ended. Why Black Men Don't Date Black Women is easily one of the most problematic, uneducated, ill-informed and poorly written collection of falsities I have come across in a while, and yes I say that having read Fox News articles. Honestly, it was so bad, it gave me gas. #fixitjesus

Bear with me as I break it down.

1. The entire first paragraph

Okay, the "writer" states that "ever since attending a [predominately white institution], [she had] heard the phrases "I don't date black girls" or "black women are too difficult," from what I am assuming had to be a substantial amount of black men. My two questions are; what Four Loko drinking, skid marks in their boxers having, bird chest in a wife-beater wearing, crusty-heeled black men told her this? And what ghetto, back of the woods, racist institution does or did she attend? This would also suggest that the "writer" believes had she attended an HBCU (Historically Black College or University) that she would have been surrounded by black men a little more *how do I say...* WOKE. Most likely, and maybe she would be a little more versed on issues within the black community herself.

Overwhelming studies show that the majority of black men do indeed marry black women. In 2017, 85% of married black men were married to black women, while only 9% of married black men were married to white women. So, what is this girl even talking about?

In fact, the biggest reason as to why so many black women are single is mathematics. Black women outnumber black men. Period.

She went on to say that white men seemed to "praise" black women and that black men seemed to have a "big problem" with black women. Another study points out that black men are twice as likely to marry interracially than black women. So, let's do a little bit of math. If 15% of married black men have married interracially, that means that only 7.5% of married black women have done the same. So where exactly is all of this so-called "praise" from white men?

And then she briefly mentioned the fetishization and over-sexualization of black women, but glossed over it like a missed comma, only adding that it was "kinda weird." Actually, this is a serious issue for the black community, and I might table this for my next article.

2. Misogyny

Women aren't always void of misogyny. This "writer" then went on to refer to men as "men," but women as "females." Quick grammar lesson: the words "girl" and "woman" are nouns. The word 'female" is an adjective. Adjectives cannot be used without a noun (who edited that article?) I won't get into the articles' other numerous grammatical errors. Aside from her use of the word "female" simply being grammatically weird af, colloquially, the term "female" is used to degrade women and reduce them to a set of sexual organs. Which is why every language in the world has come up with a way to properly refer to women.

3. The dump on white females women (see what I did there?)

"While white women are more sensitive and willing to settle or compromise. Black women just don't put up with no mess."

For centuries scientists, nazi's and bad writers have used pseudoscience to make black people less human. At one point it was widely believed that black people felt no pain at all. In fact, recent studies still find that white people generally think that black people feel less pain as a result of these "studies." Recently, the textbook publisher, "Pearson," was under fire for racist and tone-deaf generalizations of minority groups in a nursing book.

It wasn't okay then and it isn't okay now. So, if we are going to make overarching generalizations about who people are, let's find some factual scientific data to back it up.

I'm assuming this writer is too young to have seen The Brothers. But for those of you over the age of 25, remember when Brian got overly hype about trading in his black judge girlfriend for the white karate instructor? And do you remember what happened? He foolishly expressed how dating a white girl was better because they weren't "crazy," and then he got his ass beat by the karate instructor for stereotyping her. "We don't like bullshit men," I believe were the words she used, referencing strong and independent women of all colors.

4. Racial preference

Again this so-called content creator sorta-kinda stumbled onto something that would have made for a decent article, except, a stumble is all it was.

She went on to say that she didn't have an issue with interracial relationships, and with that, I agree. In fact, I don't think I have met a black woman (or man) that has an issue with interracial relationships. Then again, I don't usually hang amongst trolls.

However, what she could have delved into is the fact it isn't a usual preference to want to date outside of one's race. The Oedipus and Electra complexes suggest that we are attracted first to what we know, which is explains why more often than not, people date within their own race. That isn't to say that people aren't open to dating other races, but it puts a stop to the idea that people generally prefer to date someone who doesn't offer a sense of familiarity.

This writer then had the opportunity to go the route of speaking about self-hate in the black community, which might have made an article worth reading, but of course, she didn't.

When I clicked on this article I honestly expected an intellectual and thoughtful piece on why some black men chose to exclusively date outside of their race. I expected a much-needed piece on the stereotyping of black women, adjacent with self-hate within the black community and how that leads to the fetishization of mixed babies and the sexualization of young black girls, but instead, I got a simple-minded stream of consciousness on how little this writer thinks of both black and white women.

Anywho, I came across this article while writing one of my own and it made my eye twitch. I had to say something.


Cover Image Credit:

Julian Howard

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A Letter To The Tomboy I Used To Be

To that girl with the baseball hat, board shorts, and grass stains, thank you.

To the tomboy I used to be,

Thank you so much for making me the strong, beautiful, determined, and badass girl I am today. I am proud of who you've become. It is because of you that I can stand on my own two feet. It is because of you that I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

You were never easy to deal with. Mom and Dad had a lot to handle growing up. It was Dad who had to fight for you to be able to play boys' baseball. It was Mom who had to stand up to the boys that were mean to you for playing a boys' sport. It was both of them who had to cart you around to all of your games and practices, because playing one sport a season was just not enough. It was Mom who had to wash your clothes endless times, because the grass and dirt stains would never come out the first time. Don't ever forget who helped you become who you are.

Your attitude and thought process is very different from that of most girls. You grew up dealing with your problems through wrestling or fighting. Pettiness was not something you could deal with. Your anger came from losing a game, not drama with girls. You didn't understand why girls fought, or were so mean to each other, and to this day, you still don't understand it. You are different. You aren't like most girls by any means, which can be difficult for you, even now. You are so much tougher. You think differently. You are determined.

I love who you turned into. You are so strong; you handle everything with such passion and grit, that I can't help but thank you. Thank you for pushing yourself, and for not letting anything or anyone get in your way. The boys were mean sometimes, and the girls talked about you, but that never fazed you. That chip on your shoulder only made you strive even harder for greatness.

Thank you for making me unique. Thank you for making me extraordinary. Thank you for making me, me.



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If You're Against Abortion, Here's What You Should Do About It

There's more you can-- and should-- do than picket outside Planned Parenthood


Upon the recent passing of a law that permits late-term abortions, I have seen many of my friends cry out uproariously that our country is fallen and has forsaken God. While you could probably argue this point with other examples, I don't think that this particular one serves as proof of our current state. Let me first explain to you what this law really is about and then encourage you to take other actions to lower the abortion rate.

Now in case you're not familiar, New York recently passed a law allowing abortions during the third trimester of pregnancy. What I think a lot of people have still yet to realize is that this is only allowed in the case that the fetus is not likely to live once outside the womb or the birth will be of danger to the mother. So one more time for those who still might be confused, abortion doctors are not just taking babies out of the womb and killing them a day before birth because the mother decided she didn't want it anymore. This is to save lives and prevent pain and suffering.

I know many think that aborting a terminal fetus before birth still counts as murder, but let me equate it, instead, to ending life support for a loved one who is brain-dead. In many cases, these children are experiencing pain inside the womb only to be followed by more pain shortly before death once born. Parents that are choosing to abort their pregnancies in the third trimester for these reasons are devastated and only trying to end a child's suffering, often at the expense of their own.

Hopefully, I have convinced you that not all abortions are just being used as a form of contraception and that there are many painful stories about the necessity of abortion for a mother. What can you do to lower these rates though? Well, I might add that making abortion legal probably isn't going to do the trick. While you might want to close your ears to this information, women who want an abortion are probably going to get one whether it's legal or not. Many anti-abortion individuals happen to be the same individuals that are anti-gun control with the argument that illegal guns will be procured no matter the laws. Might I turn your eye than to the case of abortion and the fact that people will probably always do what they want to do. Anyhow, let me get off of my soapbox and actually provide some information.

If you're really in it to lower abortion rates, walking outside of Planned Parenthood with a sign, shaming the women who enter probably isn't going to do the trick. First of all, Planned Parenthood does more than just provide abortions, so you may be scaring/shaming a woman who just wants access to healthcare for her pregnancy out of seeking help at all. What you can do, however, is push for your local schools to teach real sex education and not abstinence-only contraception. Yeah, scary pictures of STD's might do the trick for a while, but as we've previously discussed, people are probably going to do what they want to do regardless of what you tell them. We need to be teaching our young people how to have safe sex, and just be teaching them about sex in general. I know that the thought of your teenager having sex probably scares the crap out of you but, if they're going to do it anyway, don't you want them to be safe?

Another thing that you can do to lower the rate of abortion is to call for easier access to birth control for women. When they can easily and affordably access safe methods of contraception, there are bound to be less unwanted pregnancies. The United States needs to not only be educating its youth about all aspects of sex, but it needs to be making it as easy as possible for them to be SAFE about it. It may not be your first preference for young people to be having sex, but if they're going to do it anyway, we need to ensure that they feel comfortable taking the countermeasures to be safe about it.

The last point I'd like to make before I finish up is that even if you think that abortion is morally wrong, it's not your choice to make whether or not another individual decides to get one. Many times this decision is going to be a painful one for the mother, especially if she knows that her child will not survive outside the womb. There is no reason to make this process more painful for her, or even dangerous by illegalizing it. We need to be supporting mothers and not shaming them for whatever decision they decide to make.

If you're anti-abortion, that doesn't mean you have to be anti-choice. If you would choose not to get one, that's totally fine and I understand that, but it's important to look at the bigger picture and ensure both the physical and mental health of our women who are probably already going through a lot. Now is not the time to tear others down for their choices. Now is the time for the human race to stand together and support each other and make sure that our country is a safe one to live in regardless of your beliefs.

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