I Asked 19 People If You Can Be Pro Black AND Date Outside Your Race

I Asked 19 People If You Can Be Pro Black AND Date Outside Your Race

"As a pro-black woman in an interracial marriage, I support the plight of black people."

A few weeks ago, I noticed a video posted on Facebook,“Can you be pro-black and Date Interracially.’” posted by Jovita A. Lee. The video by Candid Conversations was re-posted by Black British Banter, a Pro Black group based in the UK. The re-post generated over 100,000 views and 10,000 comments. Jovita's re-post gained 100 comments with me included.

The thread started off dismissing the validity of the question. But soon, it grew into a beautiful understanding. A conversation happened, people talked and listen. And in the end, we all gained knowledge and perspective. I wasn’t expecting the thread to be emotional, neither was I expecting our views to be contrastive. The comments geared towards interracial couples who were black and white more than any other racial group.

After my last comment on the post, I messaged Jovita. Lee is a twenty- four- year old political organizer who identifies as a pro-black woman. As we messaged back and forth, she revealed her own struggles. At first, she was against it, but her views shifted. Like me, her brother dated a white woman changing her perspective. We both agreed this question is valid. The family structure is the most vital part of the advancement of the black community. Without it, our community suffers as do the welfare of our people. It is easier for black men to date out then black women.

Because black women carry the burden of being the backbone of our community, our loyalty is for our men. However, Black men are two times more likely to date outside their race than black women. Dating out was key to climbing the social ladder. Whereas, black women are overlooked and we are the least likely group to find a marriage.

Where Lee and I disagreed is the legitimacy of interracial dating, if you are pro-black. Interracial dating is doable. As long as you have "a partner who is compassionate and empathizes with

your plight," color doesn’t matter. Lee continued, "if you are pro-black, NOTHING can alter that fact no matter who you love." I found myself trying to grow as she has done with her assessment, but I haven’t. As a pro-black woman, if I did date out "I think my boldness and unapologetic language would offend my partner." Lee ended and again I agreed.

The subject of interracial dating is a click bait. Interracial dating is growing in popularity among American people. Although the Supreme court legalized interracial marriages in 1967, it is still a taboo subject. Races/cultures tend to marry within the same social construct. But, when black and white date people date everyone pays attention. In America, race matters more than culture. My questions to you reader, is, can you be pro-black and date outside your race? Before you answer, let's define pro-black. Lee explains this perfectly, “pro-black is a lifestyle that encourages the economic growth and development of the black people as a whole. Its sole purpose is to keep uplifting black people in America.”

After our conversation, I went back to the Facebook comments. I wanted to find the answers to this repeated question. I sorted through the comments then I asked nineteen people: Can you be pro-black and date outside your race? Their answers weren’t so black and white.

Black women

1. Jaquetta- age 40, business owner, color stylist

Personally? No. Then there is another question- you can’t control who you fall in love with. What do you mean you can’t control yourself?.... We are the only group that thinks we are better if we go get that race. That’s the only race (white people) that no other race minds if you marry- black people don’t get the same privilege.

2. Amanda, age 35, fitness instructor:

Absolutely! As a "pro-Black woman, we should seek to marry and have a family with the most suitable candidate for marriage and fatherhood to give our kids a better shot at life. If that man happens to be non- black, so be it.

3. Brianna, single, age 23:

You can be pro-black and still date outside your race. It’s all about what is good for you and if that happens to be someone who isn’t black then cool but don’t bash black people.

4. Kayla, single, age 26 -

For me personally, I’m not at a place where interracial dating and pro-black mix. I don’t have the space to be patient with someone who doesn’t understand my culture and heritage: I still need to time to grow.

5. Maya, age 32, single -

That is a tough question… I am all about uplifting my black brothers and sisters. I try as hard as I can to support black businesses and black economic empowerment and raise the social consciousness-However, I am not going to put others down who do it.

"The tides raise all ships and if we are better, then we can put that into our own community."

6. Monica, age 30, married to a white guy-

As a pro-black woman in an interracial marriage, I support the plight of black people. I also understand why some think you can't to date outside if you are pro-black.

One thing though, I believe just because you have a black partner doesn't t give you a pass to assume authority or ownership on the discussion of blackness. Period.

7. Jovita Lee-

I’ve grown... I’ve come to realize that progress in the Black community cannot be solely dependent on “Okay everybody, make sure you marry Black."

8. Lala, African, age 26, single –

As an African woman, we experience the same issues as Black American Women. We share the burden of pro-blackness, we date our men before we consider other races. In my experience, our men date other races before us; they see as it climbing the social ladder.

Black men:

10. My father, age 69, postal worker- father of three -

Nah, you either have to be this way or that way, especially this day and time. We have to go back to our roots. The family black family structure is destroyed, we aren’t strong anymore.

11. Ahmad, age 27, single-

Yes, you can. Pro black is not anti any other race. Many of my people believe to support their culture they have to hate another which is bigotry.

12. Brandon, age 28, single- hip- hop artist-

Yeah, sure. I do think it matters who you date. You can’t generalize all white people; don’t let opinions of a few determine your perception of all.

13. Eric, age 27, single, customer service rep-

My answer is no, that is a double standard.

14. Dre, age 26, dancer, single –

It’s awkward but yes, pro-black doesn’t mean anti-white You can fight for equality and speak out against injustices without hating or attacking white people.

15. Justin, age 32, in a relationship -

I would say yes and no- because ask yourself, what is Pro black? You need to have a full understanding of pro-black. Ask yourself- Can you be pro-vegan and eat meat? You can, but it contradicts what you say you stand for.

16. Robert Lee age 31, married- father of three- (Robert has one bi-racial son)

I’m torn on this subject.

You can be pro-black and still date outside your race… however… the lessons you teach your children will determine which side of the scale you lean towards.

White people: men and women included :

17. Katie, age 20, in a relationship –

I know for a fact I love my man more than anything.

18. Ted Willis, age 37, engaged to black man-

I cannot even begin to understand the plight, but I empathize as a gay man from a different perspective. Love is love is love is love is love. I love my finance because of who he is. I was raised to love and respect everyone.

19. Ashley, age 22, married to Nigerian man -

I come from a mixed family and I get to be a part of two cultures. My husband is Nigerian and his culture is an amazing part of him! It has been a privilege to learn: It is absolutely amazing.

Cover Image Credit: JD Mason

Popular Right Now

I'm The College Girl Who Likes Trump And Hates Feminism, And Living On A Liberal Campus Is Terrifying

I will not sugarcoat it: I don't feel safe on my own campus.


I will get right to the point: being a conservative on a liberal college campus in 2019 downright terrifying.

At my university, I'm sure about 90% of the population, both students and faculty, are liberals. They are very outspoken, never afraid to express their views, opinions, and feelings in several ways. There are pride events for the LGBT community, a huge celebration for MLK day, and tons of events for feminists.

Then there's the minority: the conservatives. The realists. The "racists," "bigots," and "the heartless." I am everything the liberals absolutely despise.

I like Donald Trump because he puts America first and is actually getting things done. He wants to make our country a better place.

I want a wall to keep illegals out because I want my loved ones and me to be safe from any possible danger. As for those who are genuinely coming here for a better life, JUST FILL OUT THE PAPERWORK INSTEAD OF SNEAKING AROUND.

I'm pro-life; killing an infant at nine months is inhumane to me (and yet liberals say it's inhumane to keep illegals out…but let's not get into that right now).

I hate feminism. Why? Because modern feminism isn't even feminism. Slandering the male species and wanting to take down the patriarchy is just ridiculous.

I hate the media. I don't trust anyone in it. I think they are all biased, pathological liars. They purposely make our president look like the devil himself, leaving out anything good he does.

I will not sugarcoat it: I don't feel safe on my own campus.

I mostly keep my opinions to myself out of fear. When I end up getting one of my "twisted" and "uneducated" thoughts slip out, I cringe, waiting for the slap in the face.

Don't get me wrong; not everyone at my university is hostile to those who think differently than they do.

I've shared my opinions with some liberal students and professors before, and there was no bloodshed. Sure, we may not see eye to eye, but that's okay. That just means we can understand each other a little better.

Even though the handful of students and faculty I've talked to were able to swallow my opinions, I'm still overwhelmed by the thousands of other people on campus who may not be as kind and attentive. But you can't please everybody. That's just life.

Your school is supposed to be a safe environment where you can be yourself. Just because I think differently than the vast majority of my peers doesn't mean I deserve to be a target for ridicule. No one conservative does. Scratch that, NO ONE DOES.

I don't think I'll ever feel safe.

Not just on campus, but anywhere. This world is a cruel place. All I can do is stand firm in my beliefs and try to tolerate and listen to the clashing opinions of others. What else can I do?

All I can say is... listen. Be nice. Be respectful of other's opinions, even if you strongly disagree. Besides, we all do have one thing in common: the desire for a better country.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Dear Young Voices Of America, Stand Up, Speak Up, And Do Something

Our time is now.


Dear young voices of America, I think we can both agree that we are sick of being told we are America's future while simultaneously being told our opinions don't matter. Now I personally do not listen to the people that tell me I'm better seen than heard; however, I know there are people that are a little timider when it comes to raising their voices. I am here to encourage you to be loud and speak up on topics that matter to you. There is no better time than the present to make your voice heard. Whether you are advocating for change in your school or the government, your opinion matters and is relevant.

We are the future of our country. How are we supposed to evoke change and reform if we can't have our voices heard? I call bullshit and I think it's time to take action. Even if you're the first or only person to advocate for your cause, be that person. Don't be afraid of anyone that tries to stand in your way. The only person that can stop you from speaking up for yourself and your cause is you. No matter how many nos you have to hear to get a yes or how many doors you have to knock on to get someone to open up, never give up. Never give up on your cause, never give up on yourself or the people you're representing, just don't do it. There is someone out there that supports you. Maybe they're just too shy to raise their voice too. Be encouraging and be supportive and get people to take a stand with you.

It is never too early or too late to start thinking about your future or to take action. But don't hesitate to say something. The sooner you start speaking up, the sooner you have people joining you and helping you, and the sooner you start to see and experience change. So get up, make that sign, write that letter, make that phone call, take part in that march, give that speech. Do whatever you feel fit to get your point across. Shout it from the rooftops, write it on your profile, send it in a letter, ignore everyone that tries to tell you to give up. Maybe they don't understand now, maybe they don't want to listen, maybe they're afraid to listen, but the more you talk about it and help them understand what exactly you are trying to get across, they will join you.

Even when it feels like you have nobody on your side but yourself, I am on your side. I will cheer you on, I will march with you hand in hand, I will write letters and make phone calls and help you find your voice. My life changed when I found my voice and yours will too.

So dear young voices of America, the time is now. Your time is now. Don't be afraid of the obstacles that you may have to face. Someone is out there waiting for you, waiting to grab your hand and march on with you. As Tarana Burke once said "Get up. Stand up. Speak up. Do something."

Related Content

Facebook Comments