Why White Men Do Not Date Women Of Color

Why White Men Do Not Date Women Of Color

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Something on Franklin and Marshall's campus, besides the terrible food and unnecessarily loud drunk girls, has been chipping away at my patience. I can't elaborate on it fully enough to track down where my discomfort grew from, but it wouldn't hurt to try.

Dating outside of your race happens as rarely as a solar eclipse. I am not here to call you ignorant based on your personal romantic preferences, but if I do not call attention to this, it will continue to linger in my mind. A close friend of mine made me conscious of a star basketball player stating that he will "never date a black girl". Let's take note of the fact that this same star player and well-known ladies man has had sexual encounters in the dark side of town. Making such a broad statement confused me. Black women are created with different shapes, sizes, personalities, hair textures, eye-color and features overall. Have you seen every single black woman to make such an overgeneralization that lacks substance. Clearly, the societal over-sexualization of women of color knows no race. Some men will rather venture through the warm, wet, waterfalls of the melanin temple behind closed doors over holding that same beautiful woman's hand in public. I have had a white football player spark engaging conversation with me in the darkness of a frat house basement but look right over my head as I passed him on campus.I am five foot eight inches tall so there is no way he missed me. Before you assume I am another angry afro-latina with a shotgun for a pen and an overly-sensitive mentality, consider the last time you have seen a white male openly dating a woman of color. When was the last time you have seen a white man acknowledging a black woman's beauty, intelligence or appeal if it wasn't a drunk confession or a secretive run around. Before I reveal some responses by white men that attend Franklin and Marshall College, I want to remind you that being acknowledged by a white man is of no more value than being acknowledged by a man of any other race. I just find it interesting that we sit around and tolerate these secretive and hidden acts of romanticism by the same men who would proudly take a blue-eyed, blonde-haired woman anywhere in the presence of anyone. So much for seeing people as people right? How liberal are we realistically? Let's see...

I asked a few men " Why do you think white men normally do not date women of color?"

Response 1: " I think a lot of it has to do with relationships they see at home and in their social groups. We tend to conform and seeing that most people date within their race it is no surprise to me that this trend prevails. I think that I myself just have not met and been around enough women of color to go for a woman of color. I am not opposed to the idea at all. I think it has to do a lot with social comfort and being able to step out of that zone of comfort. "

Response 2: " Probably either ignorance from , not themselves, but probably from their parents. Like, don't go outside of what your race is. There has even been adults on the white side of my family that tell me to not date black girls. They are crazy, they're this, they're that. It probably is an attempt to preserve privilege. They want to keep where the financial is safe."

Response 3: " There is less interaction between white men and women of color then there is just white to white. I don't know if that's true for every person's environment but for mine I feel like that was the case."

Response 4: " There are cultural differences. It becomes tougher to relate to different cultures. Having a physical difference puts people off because when you do not know something, you're afraid of it. The fear of the unknown. Also it has to do with your family. You're usually around the same ethnicity, so you are used to that and that becomes comfortable and normal to you. I know it's not that uncommon for a white girl to date a black girl but when it's a white guy, he usually doesn't date a girl of color and I would say that I don't really know why that is."

Response 5: " White men could have a few reasons for that tendency. In some cases, the parents of the white male are adverse to the idea of their child dating a woman of color. While the male may not have any issue with it himself, he may avoid that possibility in order to adhere to his parents wishes. White males may also avoid dating black women because of an underlying level of intimidation he may feel with regards to women of color. Though these reasons are silly in thought, they would be two reasons that I could see as being important in the propagation of that phenomenon.

So this is what I have gathered...

You are afraid to challenge the racism within your family, you are afraid to chip away at your privilege, you do not have the conviction to step outside of your predominately white friend group, women of color are the "unknown" that is bound to be feared and you figure black culture is way too far removed from that of white culture to give it a shot. In my opinion, this sounds like a whole lot of weakness. This sounds like a whole lot of fear. I am going to challenge you to challenge your own ideas.

And for my sisters... If you are offended I don't blame you. Your existence is perfection, even if racism, misogyny, rape culture, sexual objectification and colorism have been constructed to deteriorate your confidence. Know your worth and do not allow this mentality to overwhelm you. White men are simply not ready for the kind of loving we provide just yet.

Love, Peace & Chicken grease

- Keyla Ynoa




Cover Image Credit: http://sugardaddie.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/Interracial-Dating.jpg

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I'm The College Girl Who Likes Trump And Hates Feminism, And Living On A Liberal Campus Is Terrifying

I will not sugarcoat it: I don't feel safe on my own campus.

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I will get right to the point: being a conservative on a liberal college campus in 2019 downright terrifying.

At my university, I'm sure about 90% of the population, both students and faculty, are liberals. They are very outspoken, never afraid to express their views, opinions, and feelings in several ways. There are pride events for the LGBT community, a huge celebration for MLK day, and tons of events for feminists.

Then there's the minority: the conservatives. The realists. The "racists," "bigots," and "the heartless." I am everything the liberals absolutely despise.

I like Donald Trump because he puts America first and is actually getting things done. He wants to make our country a better place.

I want a wall to keep illegals out because I want my loved ones and me to be safe from any possible danger. As for those who are genuinely coming here for a better life, JUST FILL OUT THE PAPERWORK INSTEAD OF SNEAKING AROUND.

I'm pro-life; killing an infant at nine months is inhumane to me (and yet liberals say it's inhumane to keep illegals out…but let's not get into that right now).

I hate feminism. Why? Because modern feminism isn't even feminism. Slandering the male species and wanting to take down the patriarchy is just ridiculous.

I hate the media. I don't trust anyone in it. I think they are all biased, pathological liars. They purposely make our president look like the devil himself, leaving out anything good he does.

I will not sugarcoat it: I don't feel safe on my own campus.

I mostly keep my opinions to myself out of fear. When I end up getting one of my "twisted" and "uneducated" thoughts slip out, I cringe, waiting for the slap in the face.

Don't get me wrong; not everyone at my university is hostile to those who think differently than they do.

I've shared my opinions with some liberal students and professors before, and there was no bloodshed. Sure, we may not see eye to eye, but that's okay. That just means we can understand each other a little better.

Even though the handful of students and faculty I've talked to were able to swallow my opinions, I'm still overwhelmed by the thousands of other people on campus who may not be as kind and attentive. But you can't please everybody. That's just life.

Your school is supposed to be a safe environment where you can be yourself. Just because I think differently than the vast majority of my peers doesn't mean I deserve to be a target for ridicule. No one conservative does. Scratch that, NO ONE DOES.

I don't think I'll ever feel safe.

Not just on campus, but anywhere. This world is a cruel place. All I can do is stand firm in my beliefs and try to tolerate and listen to the clashing opinions of others. What else can I do?

All I can say is... listen. Be nice. Be respectful of other's opinions, even if you strongly disagree. Besides, we all do have one thing in common: the desire for a better country.

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Dear Young Voices Of America, Stand Up, Speak Up, And Do Something

Our time is now.

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Dear young voices of America, I think we can both agree that we are sick of being told we are America's future while simultaneously being told our opinions don't matter. Now I personally do not listen to the people that tell me I'm better seen than heard; however, I know there are people that are a little timider when it comes to raising their voices. I am here to encourage you to be loud and speak up on topics that matter to you. There is no better time than the present to make your voice heard. Whether you are advocating for change in your school or the government, your opinion matters and is relevant.

We are the future of our country. How are we supposed to evoke change and reform if we can't have our voices heard? I call bullshit and I think it's time to take action. Even if you're the first or only person to advocate for your cause, be that person. Don't be afraid of anyone that tries to stand in your way. The only person that can stop you from speaking up for yourself and your cause is you. No matter how many nos you have to hear to get a yes or how many doors you have to knock on to get someone to open up, never give up. Never give up on your cause, never give up on yourself or the people you're representing, just don't do it. There is someone out there that supports you. Maybe they're just too shy to raise their voice too. Be encouraging and be supportive and get people to take a stand with you.

It is never too early or too late to start thinking about your future or to take action. But don't hesitate to say something. The sooner you start speaking up, the sooner you have people joining you and helping you, and the sooner you start to see and experience change. So get up, make that sign, write that letter, make that phone call, take part in that march, give that speech. Do whatever you feel fit to get your point across. Shout it from the rooftops, write it on your profile, send it in a letter, ignore everyone that tries to tell you to give up. Maybe they don't understand now, maybe they don't want to listen, maybe they're afraid to listen, but the more you talk about it and help them understand what exactly you are trying to get across, they will join you.

Even when it feels like you have nobody on your side but yourself, I am on your side. I will cheer you on, I will march with you hand in hand, I will write letters and make phone calls and help you find your voice. My life changed when I found my voice and yours will too.

So dear young voices of America, the time is now. Your time is now. Don't be afraid of the obstacles that you may have to face. Someone is out there waiting for you, waiting to grab your hand and march on with you. As Tarana Burke once said "Get up. Stand up. Speak up. Do something."

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