Why White Men Do Not Date Women Of Color

Why White Men Do Not Date Women Of Color

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Something on Franklin and Marshall's campus, besides the terrible food and unnecessarily loud drunk girls, has been chipping away at my patience. I can't elaborate on it fully enough to track down where my discomfort grew from, but it wouldn't hurt to try.

Dating outside of your race happens as rarely as a solar eclipse. I am not here to call you ignorant based on your personal romantic preferences, but if I do not call attention to this, it will continue to linger in my mind. A close friend of mine made me conscious of a star basketball player stating that he will "never date a black girl". Let's take note of the fact that this same star player and well-known ladies man has had sexual encounters in the dark side of town. Making such a broad statement confused me. Black women are created with different shapes, sizes, personalities, hair textures, eye-color and features overall. Have you seen every single black woman to make such an overgeneralization that lacks substance. Clearly, the societal over-sexualization of women of color knows no race. Some men will rather venture through the warm, wet, waterfalls of the melanin temple behind closed doors over holding that same beautiful woman's hand in public. I have had a white football player spark engaging conversation with me in the darkness of a frat house basement but look right over my head as I passed him on campus.I am five foot eight inches tall so there is no way he missed me. Before you assume I am another angry afro-latina with a shotgun for a pen and an overly-sensitive mentality, consider the last time you have seen a white male openly dating a woman of color. When was the last time you have seen a white man acknowledging a black woman's beauty, intelligence or appeal if it wasn't a drunk confession or a secretive run around. Before I reveal some responses by white men that attend Franklin and Marshall College, I want to remind you that being acknowledged by a white man is of no more value than being acknowledged by a man of any other race. I just find it interesting that we sit around and tolerate these secretive and hidden acts of romanticism by the same men who would proudly take a blue-eyed, blonde-haired woman anywhere in the presence of anyone. So much for seeing people as people right? How liberal are we realistically? Let's see...

I asked a few men " Why do you think white men normally do not date women of color?"

Response 1: " I think a lot of it has to do with relationships they see at home and in their social groups. We tend to conform and seeing that most people date within their race it is no surprise to me that this trend prevails. I think that I myself just have not met and been around enough women of color to go for a woman of color. I am not opposed to the idea at all. I think it has to do a lot with social comfort and being able to step out of that zone of comfort. "

Response 2: " Probably either ignorance from , not themselves, but probably from their parents. Like, don't go outside of what your race is. There has even been adults on the white side of my family that tell me to not date black girls. They are crazy, they're this, they're that. It probably is an attempt to preserve privilege. They want to keep where the financial is safe."

Response 3: " There is less interaction between white men and women of color then there is just white to white. I don't know if that's true for every person's environment but for mine I feel like that was the case."

Response 4: " There are cultural differences. It becomes tougher to relate to different cultures. Having a physical difference puts people off because when you do not know something, you're afraid of it. The fear of the unknown. Also it has to do with your family. You're usually around the same ethnicity, so you are used to that and that becomes comfortable and normal to you. I know it's not that uncommon for a white girl to date a black girl but when it's a white guy, he usually doesn't date a girl of color and I would say that I don't really know why that is."

Response 5: " White men could have a few reasons for that tendency. In some cases, the parents of the white male are adverse to the idea of their child dating a woman of color. While the male may not have any issue with it himself, he may avoid that possibility in order to adhere to his parents wishes. White males may also avoid dating black women because of an underlying level of intimidation he may feel with regards to women of color. Though these reasons are silly in thought, they would be two reasons that I could see as being important in the propagation of that phenomenon.

So this is what I have gathered...

You are afraid to challenge the racism within your family, you are afraid to chip away at your privilege, you do not have the conviction to step outside of your predominately white friend group, women of color are the "unknown" that is bound to be feared and you figure black culture is way too far removed from that of white culture to give it a shot. In my opinion, this sounds like a whole lot of weakness. This sounds like a whole lot of fear. I am going to challenge you to challenge your own ideas.

And for my sisters... If you are offended I don't blame you. Your existence is perfection, even if racism, misogyny, rape culture, sexual objectification and colorism have been constructed to deteriorate your confidence. Know your worth and do not allow this mentality to overwhelm you. White men are simply not ready for the kind of loving we provide just yet.

Love, Peace & Chicken grease

- Keyla Ynoa




Cover Image Credit: http://sugardaddie.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/Interracial-Dating.jpg

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To The Senior Graduating High School In A Month

"What feels like the end, is often the beginning."
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It wasn’t too long ago that I was in your shoes. Just a little over a year ago, I was the senior that had a month left. One month left in the hometown that I grew up in. One month left with the friends that I didn’t want to leave. One month left in the place that I had called “my school” for the past four years. You are probably thinking the same things I thought whenever it came down to only 30 days left. You’re probably scared, nervous, worried, or anxious. Maybe you’re like me and are dying to get out of high school, ready to start a new chapter. Or maybe you aren’t so ready yet. Maybe you’re wishing for a little more time.

As scary as it is, this month you have left will fly by. You’ll blink and you’ll be standing in your cap and gown, waiting for your name to be called to receive your diploma. You’ll look back on your last four years at your school and wonder why time went by so fast. It’ll be bittersweet. However, trust me when I say that you have so much to look forward to. You are about to begin taking the steps to build your future. You are going to grow and learn so much more than any high school class could teach you. You are going to meet amazing people and accomplish amazing things. So, as scared as you might be, I encourage you to take that first step out of your comfort zone and face this world head on. Chase your dreams and work towards your goals. You are smart. You are brave. You are capable of achieving amazing things. All your life, the lessons you have learned have prepared you for this point in your life. You are more than ready.

There are times when you will feel alone, scared, or confused. There are times when it won’t always be easy. But those are the times when you will shine the most because I know you will work through whatever problems you may face. Don’t think of the bad times as a terrible thing. Use them all as learning experiences. As author Joshua Marine once said, “Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.”

You might think that this is the end. However, it’s not. This is only the beginning. Trust me when I say that the adventures and opportunities you are about to face are nothing compared to high school. Whether you are going to college, going to work, or something else, this is the beginning of your journey called life. It will be exciting, it will be terrifying, but it will all be worth it.

So, as you walk out of your high school for the very last time, I encourage you to take a deep breath. Relax. You’ll always have the memories to look back on from high school. But your time is now, it begins today. Embrace it.

Cover Image Credit: http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1152445/images/o-HIGH-SCHOOL-GRADUATION-facebook.jpg

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Dear Senator Walsh, I Can't Wait For The Day That A Nurse Saves Your Life

And I hope you know that when it is your time, you will receive the best care. You will receive respect and a smile. You will receive empathy and compassion because that's what we do and that is why we are the most trusted profession.

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Dear Senator Walsh,

I can't even fathom how many letters you've read like this in the past 72 hours. You've insulted one of the largest, strongest and most emotion-filled professions.. you're bound to get a lot of feedback. And as nurses, we're taught that when something makes us mad, to let that anger fuel us to make a difference and that's what we're doing.

I am not even a nurse. I'm just a nursing student. I have been around and I've seen my fair share of sore legs and clinical days where you don't even use the bathroom, but I am still not even a nurse yet. Three years in, though, and I feel as if I've given my entire life and heart to this profession. My heart absolutely breaks for the men and women who are real nurses as they had to wake up the next morning after hearing your comments, put on their scrubs and prepare for a 12-hour day (during which I promise you, they didn't play one card game).

I have spent the last three years of my life surrounded by nurses. I'm around them more than I'm around my own family, seriously. I have watched nurses pass more medications than you probably know exist. They know the side effects, dosages and complications like the back of their hand. I have watched them weep at the bedside of dying patients and cry as they deliver new lives into this world. I have watched them hang IV's, give bed baths, and spoon-feed patients who can't do it themselves. I've watched them find mistakes of doctors and literally save patient's lives. I have watched them run, and teach, and smile, and hug and care... oh boy, have I seen the compassion that exudes from every nurse that I've encountered. I've watched them during their long shifts. I've seen them forfeit their own breaks and lunches. I've seen them break and wonder what it's all for... but I've also seen them around their patients and remember why they do what they do. You know what I've never once seen them do? Play cards.

The best thing about our profession, Senator, is that we are forgiving. The internet might be blown up with pictures mocking your comments, but at the end of the day, we still would treat you with the same respect that we would give to anyone. That's what makes our profession so amazing. We would drop anything, for anyone, anytime, no matter what.

You did insult us. It does hurt to hear those comments because from the first day of nursing school we are reminded how the world has zero idea what we do every day. We get insulted and disrespected and little recognition for everything we do sometimes. But you know what? We still do it.

When it's your time, Senator, I promise that the nurse taking care of you will remember your comments. They'll remember the way they felt the day you publicly said that nurses "probably do get breaks. They probably play cards for a considerable amount of the day." The jokes will stop and it'll eventually die down, but we will still remember.

And I hope you know that when it is your time, you will receive the best care. You will receive respect and a smile. You will receive empathy and compassion because that's what we do and that is why we are the most trusted profession.

Please just remember that we cannot properly take care of people if we aren't even taken care of ourselves.

I sincerely pray that someday you learn all that nurses do and please know that during our breaks, we are chugging coffee, eating some sort of lunch, and re-tying our shoes... not playing cards.

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