“My shoulders look like they belong on a linebacker.”
“My eyes are different shapes.”
“Why is my hair orange?”
“I have horse teeth.”
“I wonder if I will ever grow into my thunder thighs.”
“I wonder how much teeth whitening costs.”
“I wonder if my food baby will disappear if I do crunches for a good 45 minutes.”
“I really shouldn’t have eaten that ice cream last night.”
“Just a little more concealer.”
Staring at my reflection in the mirror, these all-to-real thoughts and observations swirl through my mind: each one more painful than the other. A melody of disappointment and disapproval is sung in the same tune every single morning, projecting my flaws and diminishing my strengths.
Self-acceptance is a struggle that has been present in my life since the day I recognized societies definition of “pretty." “Thigh gaps” and “flat stomachs” sculpted my view of perfection, a standard I have constantly strived to reach. Years of not being “fit enough," “tall enough," “short enough," “thin enough," “curvy enough," “smart enough” and simply “not enough”, have taught me that as long as try to reach these unrealistic and society-imprinted standards, I will never be “enough."
Years of viewing myself as “not enough” has led to problems within the walls of my family, the walls of relationships, within friendships, and the biggest being within myself. Having a “love/hate” relationship with my body and my entire being has always been present, but more often than none I succumb to the “hate” side.
When we were little, everything was accepted. From crazy hair to running around with no clothes, we were free, liberated, accepted. Society now tells us to "brush our hair" and put our "happy face" on, because that is what is deemed "okay." In time, we grew up. We could no longer scream at the top of our lungs. We couldn't roll around in the mud, cover ourselves in paint, put on our grandma's lipstick and grandpa's glasses and squat in the front yard anymore. We become the reflection of "acceptance."
It all started in elementary school when you were told you were weird, so you tried to blend in, but no matter how hard you tried, you were always a little different. In middle school you were told you had acne and to wash your face more, so you scrubbed your face until you were raw, only to look in the mirror to see more red spots than before. In high school, you were called “porky," “chunky," “stubby” and many more names too foul to list. You exercised constantly only to see that it wasn’t enough; you’d always be labeled as those things. You get to college and are constantly warned about the “Freshman 15," so you diet to avoid falling into the stereotype, but you finally come to the conclusion that no matter what you change, what you eat, what you wear, how long you workout, what kind of makeup you put on, what type of music you listen to, that you will always be different, and you will always be you.
There comes a point in your life when it is time to recognize just how beautiful, talented, unique, creative, and special you are. Loving yourself is in constant correlation with accepting yourself and dissolving societies standards of you, your mind, your body, and your emotions. If you wait for others to accept you, you will die waiting. Being the light in your own life allows for a happy, brighter, more positive you. It has taken years of disapproval, hours of staring into a mirror sobbing, skipped meals and vigorous exercise, hating myself, and hating others to finally come to the conclusion that I am remarkable. I now love, respect, and accept myself for who I am, and who I was.
“I am athletic.”
“My eyes are the embers lit within my soul.”
“My hair is unique.”
“My smile is contagious.”
“I am strong.”
“I light up a room.”
“My stomach is perfect.”
“I am enough.”
Embrace your flaws and accept them as part of you. Who cares what other people think of you? Who cares what society says is beautiful, perfect and acceptable? Stop hiding and start embracing. Be weird, be loud, be the inner 5-year-old you know you want to be. Be courageous, be daring, be bold, be awkward. You are perfect. You are perfectly imperfect. You. Your entity, your soul, your mental and physical being, is perfect. Every single part of you and your life is perfect. You are beautiful. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are remarkable. You are you.
