First, I would like to start off by saying I am so sorry. I wasn't the easiest student to handle, I know that now. I lacked motivation and my grades showed it. I gave you more attitude than I give my mother while I'm pmsing. I wasn't the worst but I was for sure not the best. I wasn't always like this, I promise. I was always talkitive but usually passed with flying colors, up until high school. I can't make excuses anymore and as my first semester of my senior year, I know I need to work my ass off. I would like to have a moment of your time to tell you why I struggled and to thank you for not giving up on me.

As a 9th grader, I still had some of my 8th grade momentum until January of that year. I missed a lot of school second semester due to my first knee surgery. During recovery, I struggled staying on top of my schoolwork that I had from being gone and from actually trying to keep up with the class. I became extremely overwhelmed and inside I gave up. I passed my classes that year, but by the skin of my teeth. Around Easter, my mom and her ex-husband announced that they were separating. Which, shockingly took a toll on me, I didn't like that man but without him how would my mother take care of two teenage girls and a wild second grade boy? I was too young to get a job but I still felt like I owed my mother some kind of help. Not to mention I felt completely at fault for it, I know now I was not the cause but being told I was by that man for years got to me. After I completed my first year of high school, I made the choice to move away from all of the toxic things I thought I had in my life.

My Sophomore year was spent majority here in Illinois, but for the first month of school I attended a high school where my father lived. I lived with him the entire summer going into my sophomore year and then officially moved to Florida in late July early August. Things with my father began to become too much for me to handle and I came back home to Chicago a week before my birthday. I had one week off to settle back in at home and then started back on my 16th birthday. I had a good first semester until November when I went in for another knee surgery and had an allergic reaction to the pain medicine they gave me after. My throat closed and my heart began to slow down. I was rushed to the hospital right after where I was kept for observation. Following my return to school, my math teacher is the one and only teacher I will not thank. I was drowning and no matter how much I asked for help this teacher continuiously shoved my head deeper and further under water. Under so much pressure, I had a mental breakdown and missed a month of school. After coming back, I ended up dropping that class leaving a WF on my transcript.

In my Junior year, I had it pretty easy struggled here and there but overall I did well. I had two jobs, was paying my bills, life was good. Then, a week before finals, I got into a very serious car accident. I didn't break any bones but I should have died on impact. I hit a boulder that sent me six feet into the air into a tree, thankfully my friend and I were okay but my car was totaled. My engine was into my dash so far they couldn't remove my key from the ignition.Looking back today at the tree my car hit, I wish I could just cut it down. Recovery was such a hard time because it was like I was restarting my sophomore year all over again. Getting back on track was difficult and even now I am still dealing with a lot. I took 5 steps forward and three steps back after the car accident. I bounced between three different jobs and was trying to pay my medical bills plus focusing on school. I had a hard time.

The year every teenager thrives for, Senior year. This is the year my depression and social anxiety took over who I am as a person. I gave up on myself, I was ditching class more than actually attending. I didn't have a care in the world about school. I spent most of my nights crying in bed doing things I regret instead of working on my school work trying to pass. By the time I turned my attitude around, it was too late. I passed majority of my classes but not with flying colors. I want to thank my two gym teachers for helping me with that one. Over winter break, I worked and worked and life was simple. Once school started approaching so did my anxiety. I kept a positive out look on my life ready to finish the year strong and now I feel back at square one. I have declined mentally and I think I may have something to do with not seeing my shrink. I don't know why my motitvation is decreasing yet again. But I still have hope I will graduate, I am continuing to work hard. Part of me, my depression demon, is telling me just to drop out, that there's no way I could possibly be walking across that stage getting the hell of out school. I will do my damn hardest to make sure I graduate with my class.

To Conclude This Written Apology, I hope those of you who had me as a student and continued to remind me I can do it, I thank you. To those who gave up on me and never help, I want to say frick you.

Sincerly,

Your Porter.