I don't expect anything I say to make a difference or change anything, but I'm going to say it anyway. I remember the exact moment I laid eyes on you for the very first time, and I remember not being able to get you off my mind for the rest of the evening. I remember the first time I kissed you and after that, I was hooked. I remember when you used to call me beautiful and kiss my forehead, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. That was almost two years ago.

We have tried dating multiple times and after a few weeks, it all falls apart. You are never willing to commit to me. You have given me multiple excuses ranging from, 'you didn’t want a girlfriend while you were in college' to 'you weren’t ready for an adult relationship', when what you really meant was that 'you didn’t want that with me'. I really thought this last time would be different, but it wasn’t.

You have told me a million times that it isn’t me, but it is. I have seen you put forth real effort for other girls; buying them jewelry, letting them meet your friends and family, and even walking away from me to be with them. You never seem to want to share your life with me. I have come back time and time again thinking we could make this work, but we can’t. We never will.

I have no idea what you’re looking for, but it isn’t me. You don’t care about me. You say you do, but words only go so far. You care about me when other girls aren’t paying attention to you. I'm your rebound girl. I'm the girl you take for granted because you know that no matter what you do, I will always be around. You don’t see a future with me. You don’t care enough to ask about my day or remember my birthday. You don’t ever seem to have time for me. You tell me that you're stressed with work when you don’t answer my texts for multiple days. You have told me many times that you’re sorry for the way that you treat me and that I deserve better, yet you continue to let me down. You know you don’t love me, but you love the attention that I give you, and you always want to leave the door open in case you change your mind.

I think you’re selfish and inconsiderate and immature and if something doesn’t benefit you, then you want no part of it. You haven’t changed. You still find yourself going out and drinking every night, hanging out with multiple girls at a time and ignoring my texts for days on end. When you need me, I'm important, but when I need you, you’re too busy. I've spent a lot of time wondering how you could be so selfish and so caught up in your world that you couldn’t even bother to ask me how I was doing and then I realized, it’s because you don’t care. I've made you a priority and you’ve made me an option. I just wanted you to choose me, and you never did.

I know guys, if they want something, they will do anything to get it, but if they don't then nothing you do can change their mind. I want a guy who chooses me every time. I can't trust you to be around when I need you, and I can't count on you. I'm not happy. I've spent so much time trying to make you happy, that I've neglected my own happiness. I find myself staring at my phone waiting for a reply that never comes. You can ignore me for days and somehow find a way to make me feel guilty for being upset.

You are manipulative and narcissistic, and I am done playing a part in your game. You don't deserve me, and I'm done pretending that you do. I understand that you are at a time in your life where there are a lot of unknowns and you are under a lot of pressure to make something of yourself, but that doesn’t excuse your behavior. I have given you two years to prove to me that you want me in your life, and you have yet to do it. I keep coming back hoping that you have changed and that you have finally realized what you had when you had me, but you never do, and you never will.

I am done letting you treat me like this time and time again. I am tired of waiting around for you to decide I'm worth it and that you're ready to be the man I deserve. I keep thinking that if you see that I will never give up on you and that I'll always be here, that you'll let me in, but no matter what I do you push me away. You have broken me. You have made me question my worth. You have made me into the girl I promised myself I would never be; the one who lets a boy control the way she feels about herself.

This time around, I can promise you that I won’t be back. I love you, but I don’t like the person that you are. I'm not afraid of losing you anymore, because I realized I never had you in the first place. I can’t control your behavior, but I won’t apologize for asking for what I want and what I deserve and not putting up with being disrespected and lied to. Somehow, you'll find a way to blame me for feeling this way and making it my fault that things never worked out for us, because that’s just what you do. I told you that as long as you were trying, then I was staying. You stopped trying a long time ago, and I'm tired of chasing you. So I’m choosing me. I'm choosing happiness. I'm choosing to let you go for good because that’s the only way I can ever be happy.

Sincerely,

The girl who knows her worth