Eighteen months. Eighteen MONTHS. That is how long Roger Goodell and the National Football League have been leading a crazy crusade against America's golden boy, Thomas Edward Brady, over the air pressure in a ball. Please reread that sentence. That is an actual sentence with actual facts in it.
Anyway, Tom decided to end the 18 month craziness by accepting his renewed 4-game suspension at the beginning of the 2016-2017 season. I thought it only my duty to provide Tommy with a few things he can do while he twiddles his thumbs and waits for King Roger to let him back on the field to continue his Hall of Fame legacy in the NFL. Here are a few things Tom Brady can do while he sits out for four games:
1. Polish his four Super Bowl rings.
2. Admire his four Super Bowl rings.
3. Re-watch his four Super Bowl performances for fun.
4. Write an op-ed about his Super Bowl wins and what it means to be the best quarterback in the NFL.
5. Coach Jimmy Garoppolo up for the first four games.
6. Make another commercial for the Beautyrest Black mattress as if the first one wasn't already stunning.
7. Resign his contract with Uggs.
8. Attend a fashion show for his wife, Gisele.
9. Watch his kids' sports games.
10. Go grab dinner with Gronk, Julian, Danny and Bill- or is that not even allowed under his suspension?
11. Call into WEEI and bash Goodell as an anonymous fan.
12. Grow out his hair and get a whacky cut like many hairdos we've seen in his career.
13. Watch TV.
14. Go to the beach if it's still warm out.
15. Go to a Sox game and probably throw out the first pitch.
16. Make some killer Spotify playlists.
17. Use the magic conch shell to call Gronk.
18. Go to the zoo with his kids.
19. Shine his cleats.
20. Stretch his muscles so they don't cramp up during those first four weeks.
21. Sneak into Gillette and throw anyway.
22. Start a series or two on netflix.
23. Eat avocado ice cream because apparently that's what the gods eat.
24. Walk his dog.
25. Play a few rounds of golf.
26. Update his Facebook statuses even more frequently.
27. Run a few extra fundraisers for Best Buddies, his charity of choice to devote his time to.
28. Play in the MLB. Brady was actually drafted by the Montreal Expos in 1995!
29. Coach alongside Jim Harbaugh at his alma mater, Michigan.
30. Get into beekeeping again.
31. Take more selfies with Coach Bill.
32. Watch the presidential debates. (But in reality, I'd love Tom to run instead).
33. Go cliff-jumping.
34. Join a yoga class.
35. Go on a bike ride.
36. Take a physics class to really learn about the air pressure inside of a football.
37. Take a law class to learn about what a fair trial looks like.
38. Take a business class so he can take over as commissioner of the NFL.
39. Go apple picking.
40. Go pumpkin picking.
41. Go on a hay ride.
42. Eat apple pie.
43. Rake leaves and jump in them while watching the Pats game on the TV that I'm sure he has installed in his yard.
44. Start planning an awesome Halloween costume.
45. Learn a new hobby like knitting or gardening.
46. Travel around the world for four weeks.
47. Practice his high-fives.
48. Call Peyton up and ask him to talk to Goodell to cut the suspension short.
49. Call Papa John and order some pizzas- on Peyton.
50. Swim with sharks.
51. Go to Buffalo Wild Wings.
52. Go on "Dancing With The Stars."
53. Keep a journal.
54. Visit Salem before the Halloween rush.
55. Watch paint dry.
56. Count the blades of grass at any one of his numerous homes- or all of them.
57. Take singing lessons.
58. Re-watch the end of his last Super Bowl win when Marcus Butler made that INSANE play.
59. Go undercover and watch home games from the stands.
60. Do a paint night with all of his teammates.
61. Rent a punching bag resembling Roger Goodell and get a few reps in before game 5.
62. Go to every movie that's out in theaters.
63. Rent a house down the Cape and vacation for a week or two.
64. Catch up on sleep and really take a good four-week rest.
65. Try acupuncture if he doesn't already do that.
66. Play catch with Gronk and Julian in his backyard if that's allowed under the suspension.
67. Join a book club.
68. Play Madden on Xbox.
69. Start cutting up a bunch of sweatshirts so Bill doesn't have to do it all by himself.
70. Perfect his eyeblack placement to look extra fine in week 5.
71. Prank call Roger Goodell. Seriously, how fun would that be?!
72. Buy furniture and build it himself.
73. Play board games with his kids.
74. Grab some cannolis from Mike's Pastry.
75. Provide color commentary for televised NFL games.
76. Star in more Under Armour commercials and get more free stuff.
77. Go to a concert and jump onstage.
78. Go to a Broadway show.
79. Visit the football Hall of Fame and reserve a spot for his portrait to be hung.
80. Just jump on the field and play under center and see what happens!
