There’s that one Sunday in February every year where it is part of our obligation as American citizens to sit around the TV with our friends and watch the Super Bowl. It doesn’t really matter how into the sport you are, or if you’re into any sports at all, you know you’re going to be at a social event centered around the game when this one Sunday rolls around. Personally, I can’t stand watching sports. I never got into them, never played any, and never enjoyed watching the game. My friends and I are the type of people who talk to each other the entire game, but shut ourselves up and turn up the volume the second the commercial breaks begin (and obviously our eyes are glued to the screen during the halftime show). I’m more than glad to use this game as an excuse to sit around my friends, but you won’t catch me dead looking at the TV screen while the game is on. Here are 60 things I’d rather do than actually watch the Super Bowl.
1. Shave my head
2. Swallow an entire bottle of red wine vinegar
3. Get a paper cut
4. Stare at my food as it cooks
5. Jump on broken glass
6. Light my hair on fire
7. Quit using electricity
8. Hug a porcupine
9. Watch paint dry
10. Quit using the internet
11. Get my wisdom teeth pulled out... again
12. Drink an entire bottle of hot sauce
13. Pull out my fingernails
14. Learn computer coding
15. Hear the sound of nails on a chalkboard
16. Eat a raw sweet potato
17. Bend my fingers all the way backwards
18. Wash dishes
19. Quit eating cookies
20. Read the entire Webster Dictionary in one sitting
21. Play Cheetah Girl songs on repeat around my house for a week straight
22. Eat cold pizza
23. Drop my phone right after getting the screen fixed
24. Step on a Lego
25. Not tweeze my eyebrows for two months
26. Have the door slammed on my pinky finger
27. Give a middle-aged man a Brazilian wax
28. Walk on the Throgs Neck Bridge in between car lanes
29. Delete all forms of social media
30. Clean the kitchen table with my toothbrush and then use it
31. Take the SAT again
32. Get soap in my eye
33. Have a water balloon thrown at my face
34. Make my bed
35. Potty train a two-year-old
36. Wear school uniforms
37. Get hit on the back with a paddle
38. Give up Chipotle
39. Get my forehead tattooed
40. Post my social security number on flyers around campus
41. Assemble a bed by myself
42. Dye my hair green
43. Squeeze milk from a cow
44. Talk about politics with Kim Kardashian
45. Go skydiving without a parachute
46. Leave my headphones at home when I go to the gym
47. Wear my retainer 24/7
48. Get an Indian burn
49. Take a freezing cold shower
50. Swim in a polluted lake
51. Break my phone screen
52. Have an allergic reaction
53. Do the ice bucket challenge outside while it’s snowing
54. Cut all my hair off
55. Get a mosquito bite on my forehead
56. Watch Fifty Shades Darker with my parents this weekend
57. Spend my day at a convenience store
58. Wear jeans to class
59. Sew my own clothes
60. Anything at all honestly
Yes, I dislike watching sports that much. However, if you want to get together for a chat and some pizza in about a year from now, we can catch up while the Super Bowl is playing on the screen in the background!
