Finding love is a journey in and of itself. When you have chronic illnesses, accompanied by Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, finding love can feel like an uphill climb… with a backpack… full of rocks… because finding someone who is truly willing to be there “in sickness and in health” can be a struggle to say the least. I am only 22 years old and incredibly grateful to have found that person so young. How will you know when you've found them? Here are five signs that they are the one who will stand by you through it all:
1. They will not judge you.
Whether your struggles are physical, mental, or both, you will quickly find out if someone can weather the storm with you. People who can handle walking this path are those who do not hold an illness against the person they love, but rather love this person because of who they are due to the struggles they have faced. My husband continues to love me, on good health days, and bad health days, because he knows these things are part of me and he accepted that the day we met. He promised to hold my hand each and every day in order to remind me that he is not letting go. From the first date we ever went on to now he has had to deal with my plethora of diagnoses, and never once has he swayed in his support of me. Find someone who is ready to choose you every day, not in spite of your illness, but because of the beautiful and strong person your struggles have made you.
2. They will not define you by your illness.
The people we need beside us on our journey through this life are the ones who realize that our illness does not define us. They know that who we are is so much more than a medical diagnosis and a daily cocktail of prescription medications. Who we are has never been determined by what that doctor told us at our appointment last week. We are who we are because of how we handle these things. We cry, we battle, we get back up, and we walk on stronger than we were before. A truly supportive partner will remind you what you are capable of in your moments of strife, while still empathizing and hearing you out. Find someone who is willing to listen and acknowledges that your diagnosis is only a small part of who you are.
3. They will admire you for your strength and perseverance.
As people struggling with illness on a daily basis we have gained the mentality of a warrior. We face our struggles head on every day, because we do not have a choice. We continue to pursue our passions and hobbies when we can, all while feeling extremely sick and trying to hold it together. The one who will truly stand by you will promise to help you strive for your dreams, and to lift you on their shoulders when you can hardly stand so you can reach for the stars. Find the person who will never let you give up; on yourself, on your dreams, or on your life.
4. They will not allow you to believe that you are a burden.
A person who is truly there to be your rock will say, “I’m here to listen, dry your eyes, and pick you back up again. Each chapter in our life I will cherish from the day we first met to our last one on earth, I’ll never turn the pages alone.” Those are words from my husband’s vows and he has lived by them every day of our relationship and our marriage. I cannot encourage you all enough: if someone is treating you like a burden then they are not good for you. They will discourage you, tear you down, and make you feel like nothing more than a sick and tired shell of a person. Do not let that happen. Know your worth, and know that you are a beautiful human being no matter what. You deserve someone who treats you like the phenomenal person that you are, not like a burden.
5. They will love you in sickness and in health.
This is cliché, and yet very important. Love should be unconditional. That means that even if you start a relationship being completely healthy and later develop an illness, that person--if they truly love you--should be committed to you regardless of your health. There are so many things that go into relationships; any type of illness adds a whole other layer of complications, but someone who is truly in it because they love you will work with your every day to get through these things. It will simply become another part of your daily routine with each other. You will struggle, but you will struggle together. You will never be alone when you find this person, because they will never desert you in your times of weakness and need.
I must reiterate the most important point of this list: do not settle for less than you deserve. Please know that you are worthy of being with someone who treats you as more than a body with a diagnosis attached to it. You are worthy of unconditional love. The right person will come along, and they will encourage you, support you, and believe in you; because you deserve that.
