An Open Letter To The Parent That Chose Drugs Over Me
Start writing a post
popular

An Open Letter To The Parent That Chose Drugs Over Me

You should know this.

113533
An Open Letter To The Parent That Chose Drugs Over Me
Jordi Bernabeu

There used to be a time when you made me feel loved and wanted.

I couldn't wait to come home after school knowing that you'd be waiting for me along with all of my favorite snacks, ready to give me a big hug and ask me how my day went. I used to sit in your lap while you helped me read my chapter books. You used to show up to things.

You used to get to know my friends. You used to encourage me. But you're not that person anymore. I watched as your addiction consumed you and turned you into a monster. Your loving words turned into hateful actions. I watched as you became angry at the world until your substances were the only thing that mattered anymore. Nothing was good enough for you, and nothing could save you... not even me.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

It took me a long time to realize what was even going on. I was old enough to know that drugs were bad, but still young enough that I had no idea what they looked like or how a person may act while taking them. I didn't know that when you locked yourself in your room with strangers you were getting high, or that it wasn't normal for people to sleep for twenty hours at a time.

I used to think that maybe if I had asked other adults more questions I would have figured it out sooner and you could have gotten help. I used to think that if maybe my sister and I didn't fight as much, or if I didn't complain every time you told me to do something, that maybe you wouldn't have been so stressed out all the time. But the truth is, it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my sister's fault.

This was all on you.

I didn't ask for a parent that was forced to enroll in various rehab programs, but that's what I got. I didn't ask for the letters you sent while you were in and out of jail, but I still read them all. I didn't want to explain to my friends' parents why your name was always in the paper, but I did it regardless.

All I ever actually wanted was for you to pick me for once in your life, but you couldn't do that.

When the going got tough, you just cowered away, too scared to confront your own demons. You had everyone else to blame, but you never took a second to think about what you were doing to us, no matter how much I begged and pleaded.

You ripped our family apart. You fucked me up.

What is a child to do when the one person in the whole world that is supposed to teach them love and affection hits them, tells them they're worthless, and leaves them to fend for themselves?

SEE ALSO: To The Children Growing Up Around Addiction

I promised myself several years ago that I would never become you. I would never let any kind of substance consume my life. I wouldn't lie, steal, and manipulate to get my way. I wouldn't become a “parent" to my children only when it's convenient for me. I would make something of myself.

It makes my blood boil to see you take credit for how I turned out. “I'm so proud of my baby. Raising you is the greatest thing I've ever done." Complete bullshit. You were never around to raise me. Any ounce of success I've tasted hasn't come from you or your guidance. If anything, you've only been a living demonstration of everything I shouldn't be.

I got to where I am today with absolutely no help from you. You don't get to come into my life now that I'm an adult and take all the credit. You don't get to try to dictate what I can and can't do as if you have some kind of authority on my decisions. You had your chance to raise me and be a part of my life, but you blew it. I don't owe you a single thing.


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Hurricane Preparedness

In Louisiana and many other states, it is important to have a hurricane plan

507
Munger Construction

With hurricane season, it's always best to be prepared for it. It means having a plan for your family and home. Everyone in Louisiana should know the basics of preparing for hurricane season.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

An Atlanta Weekend

A New Yorker's quick weekend in Atlanta.

1357
JMackeazy

On a weekend visit to Atlanta, I had to adjust to people being personable and congenial to me. Although I had lived in the South before, I had to get reacquainted with southern hospitality due to visiting from Brooklyn. Atlanta Uber drivers are very down to earth, offer snacks, and provide great genuine conversations. The opposite is the lay of the land from Brooklyn Uber drivers. The southern hospitality is provided not only from the Uber drivers, but restaurant servers, cashiers, or random people giving suggestions. Brooklyn is a dope and unique place to live, but short on the warmth more often than not.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

20 Traditional Hispanic Recipes To Feast On In Honor Of Hispanic Heritage Month

... in case you needed another excuse to eat empanadas and churros.

22112
20 Traditional Hispanic Recipes To Feast On In Honor Of Hispanic Heritage Month

Like many of my wanderlust-ridden friends and family, I'll travel anywhere for the promise of good food. I once went to Thailand in pursuit of traditional massaman curry and Spain for authentic patatas bravas — neither of which let me down.

What usually ends up being the biggest letdown is coming home to miss the traditional, local cuisine. It may not have quite the same ambiance, but trying to cook authentic dishes at home can increase appreciation for the craft and culture behind them.

Keep Reading... Show less
Google Images

Launched by Iranian journalist Masih Alinejad in 2014, My Stealthy Freedom is a commendable campaign that shows women going against the strict hijab restrictions in Iran. This movement has recently gained a lot of momentum on their Facebook page and is currently even gaining support from tourists in Iran. Ms. Alinejad shares photos of men in hijabs and women inside Iran who have taken part in a moment of 'stealthy freedom' by removing their hijabs to the outside world.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Sinning in Las Vegas

Be careful what you do and post

3413

Going to Las Vegas for the weekend is practically a sacramental right of passage in college. It’s so crucial to our early adulthood development that Snapchat even made a filter that says “Vegas for the Weekend.” Damn Snapchat, you really do get it. 

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments