As men, we've all experienced what it is like to pursue a girl that we are interested in. A lot of things can go right throughout that process, and a whole lot of things can go wrong. Getting nowhere in your pursuit is not the only reason why it makes sense to no longer go after a girl's heart. Perhaps you actually are getting somewhere, and the girl you yearn for is beginning to manifest the same feelings of affection that you do for her. As you get to know her better, just be careful, and don't fall for the Siren. There are several reasons to no longer pursue a girl, and some of those reasons might come as a surprise.
1. She already has a boyfriend, or talks excessively about her ex
Let's just state the obvious here fellas. If you're pursuing a girl and she says "my boyfriend" this or "my boyfriend" that, then you need to immediately stand down. There is absolutely zero honor in pursuing a heart that is already taken. It's as simple as that. Take some deep breaths, go back to the drawing board, and try to reinvent your relationship with her.
On the other hand, perhaps she doesn't have a boyfriend. Great! But be cautious. It's not necessarily a red flag if a girl talks about her ex, however, there are some important factors to consider. First, how often does she bring up her ex, and second, how long has she been single since her last relationship? Both of these factors are connected in that if a girl is constantly talking about her ex, it is likely that her relationship with him recently ended. It is also likely that it was the girl who got dumped instead of the other way around. Just think about it for a second. If a girl is in a relationship and wants to break up with her boyfriend, it's likely that she hadn't been invested in the relationship for quite some time. In other words, people don't just wake up one day and suddenly want to break up with their significant other. In this situation, the girl has already had some time to grapple with the negative feelings of a breakup, whereas the guy gets hit with a sucker punch to the gut. Who do you think is going to talk about their ex more, the guy or the girl? Flip things around and it beings to make sense why a girl might excessively talk about her ex; she isn't over him, and you do not want to be the rebound guy. You can still be friends, but let her do the majority of the healing on her own.
If you allow yourself to become the Band-Aid for her wound, then once the wound heals, your purpose will have likely already been served. You don't want that. Give her time.
2. You'd feel uncomfortable bringing her home to meet your mother
It really isn't about whether or not your mother likes the girl or doesn't like her. In fact, your mother doesn't really matter at all when it comes to your romantic life. What does matter, however, is that there is a part of you inside that feels discomfort when you think about getting serious with this girl. Be it your mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, or best friend, introducing a girl to your family or closest friends is a significant step in any relationship. That hesitation or discomfort you feel when you think about taking a serious step in your relationship with a girl? I'm no love doctor, but there should not be an ounce of doubt, hesitation, or discomfort when you think about taking a serious step with the girl whose heart you are pursuing. If you are unable to envision the possibility of one day introducing a girl to your mother, then you owe it to yourself (and to her) to reevaluate your intentions and goals for the relationship.
3. She helps others out of convenience, not kindness
It's great if a girl you're pursuing is an advocate for helping others. However, it's important to look at why and when she helps others.
Does she help others simply for the material reward or prestige? If she only rescues the lost kitten for the monetary reward or the prestige for being viewed as a hero, and not for the smiles and tears of joy she brings to the grateful owner, then what does that say about her character? While participating in charity work, is she more concerned about the recognition brought to the company/organization she if affiliated with, or is she more concerned about giving quality care and service to the people her company/organization is trying to help? In short, does she help others only when it is of convenience or beneficial to her, or is she willing to help others when she knows that the only "reward" she'll receive is a genuine smile from the heart of another?
Upon looking at the answers to such questions, you might begin to realize that the girl you are pursuing is actually more interested in helping herself, and that her kindness does not come from the heart.
4. She's scattered
If the girl you're pursing appears to be distracted or preoccupied only when she is around you (and not her friends), then there's a good chance that there's someone else on her mind. The casual/intermit interactions between the two of you may cause her to think of someone else, and even though she may not say or admit it, there is a part of her deep down that would rather be with this someone else instead of you. How do I know this? Well, allow me to speak from my own personal experience.
In a nutshell, there was a girl over the summer who invited me over to her apartment to "watch a movie." Both of her roommates were gone for the weekend, so it was just the two of us. She was clearly interested in me, and I was fairly interested in her. She even told me I could stay overnight so I wouldn't have to drive home late. A dream situation, right fellas? In hindsight I realize it was, but at the time I could not gather myself to "make a move" because the entire time I was at this girl's apartment, I was thinking of someone else, and there was a part of me that yearned to be with this someone else instead of the girl I was physically with in that moment. In staying true to myself, I ended up sleeping on the couch that night, and later explained to this girl that "nothing happened" because my mind had been somewhere else.
Long story short, any solid relationship is built upon the foundation of two people being able to give 100% to each other, and no guy or gal deserves to be with someone who gives anything less.
5. You have to be someone else to be with her
If you ever find yourself having to wear a mask in order to gain a girl's affection, then do realize that the only thing she is affectionate for is the mask itself, and not the person beneath the mask.
Ok, so you say you don't mind having to wear a mask in order to be with the girl you desire?
Well, I'm sure your friends mind, or I should really say the people who used to be your friends.If you wear a mask long enough, it will eventually become part of you are, and this new version of you will be unrecognizable to the people who have always been in your corner over the years.
And what happens when the mask accidently comes off when you're finally with the girl you've been pursuing for ages? As with your friends when you have the mask on, the girl you're with will be unable to recognize the person beneath the mask, and it's unlikely that she'll want to stick around with a two-faced individual.
If a girl doesn't like you for you, then you shouldn't like her for her.
Some girls prefer boys in masks over men in suits, and that's ok - your future wife will prefer the latter.
