Being a lifeguard is both the best and the worst job. You get paid to watch swimmers in a pool while getting a killer tan. But no one ever talks about the horribly disgusting cleaning duties, bratty kids and how your food mysteriously disappears all the time from the fridge in the office.
1. Cleaning duties are always horrifying.
The dreaded cleaning duties. Never fun. You even sometimes make a bet with someone else on who has to clean out the filters because they're most likely filled with dead bugs or animals and large wads of hair and dirt. And no matter what, cleaning the bathrooms will always stink (pun intended).
2. Enforcing the basic rules becomes second nature.
"WALK!" *blows whistle* "DO NOT PUSH EACH OTHER!" "Don't hang on the lane line!" These and other phrases become second nature to you pretty easily. After working as a lifeguard for long enough, you carry on the responsibilities even when you're not working, finding yourself yelling, "WALK" at a running child even when you're not at a pool.
3. Going through that horrible transition of being everyone's friend to everyone's enemy.
No one likes to be the bad guy. But the bad guy gets paid, and usually a little extra if the job is done very well. In past summers, you might've been the go-to pool member who was always up for a dangerous game of sharks and minnows or ready to break the rules and have fun with your friends, but now you're a serious lifeguard who might have to yell at those same jobless friends because you're getting paid to be mean.
4. Becoming an unofficial babysitter.
I'm getting paid to watch the pool and keep the surrounding areas safe and under control. It's not my job to babysit your obnoxious 9-year-old who doesn't want to listen to anyone anyway. Honestly, I wouldn't want to babysit them either. Unless you're paying.
5. Overhearing all conversations.
One of the perks of the job. While everyone thinks we just sit up on our stand watching the pool, little do they know that we are both the eyes and ears of the pool. We hear almost everything, including all the hot gossip from the mom section.
6. Slow day = party time.
Two people in the entire pool area? Ping pong match.
7. Swinging your whistle made you feel cool.
When you become a lifeguard, you need to make sure people know. You need to show it off. Let them know that new power and coolness you have going for you. How do you do that? By swinging your whistle around and around, wrapping on your fingers.
8. Becoming friends with the regular families and their annoying/adorable kids.
Admit it. You get excited when you see the regular every-dayers. This means the old ladies that come in and swim 20 laps in an hour, or the new young couple with the adorable baby you get to make googly eyes at.
9. Checking the weather radar every hour on a cloudy day.
"Oh it's 30 percent chance of thunderstorms? Don't worry I'll check it later and it'll be up to 70 percent. We're not working late tonight."
10. Teen night is the worst.
As if being a teenager wasn't hard enough, there's one night out of the entire summer where you have to watch just teenagers swimming around and mingling. It's one of the most awkward and miserable experiences ever.
11. Getting extra free food left from a private party.
Free pizza, extra cake, extra soda and chips. It's the only benefit of hosting a birthday party.
12. Smelling like a mixture of chlorine, sweat, and sunscreen.
The combination of all three sort of become an official perfume of lifeguards. And it never truly washes off.
13. Having a killer tan all summer.
Are you really a lifeguard if you aren't getting tan? And don't forget about those thick strap tan lines and the never fading circle tan on the back.
14. Someone ends up stealing your food from the fridge in the office.
The only thing worse than having a miserable day at work, filled with annoying members and screaming children all while dying in the heat, is having someone eating the food you packed.
15. Getting anxiety when you see a weak swimmer swim towards the deep end.
We all have that mini heart attack when you see little booger who has no business swimming in the deep end swimming. in. the. deep. end. It usually goes something like this: "Hey, no. No. No don't you—God no. God please no. No. For the love of God, not today. Not today! Turn around kid. Turn around and get out!"
16. Thinking about what you're gonna eat when you get off the stand for break.
While you're busy being vigilant and what not up on the stand, you're simultaneously thinking about that sandwich you packed or what you're gonna get from the snack bar. Or possibly ordering a meatball sub from the Italian restaurant down the street. And then you remember you actually have a job and need to watch the pool until your break.
17. The fellow lifeguards are some of your best friends.
Lifeguards go through a lot. That's why by the end of the summer you leave with a lot of memories and closer friendships.
