In spring of 2017, I was put on medical leave from school, as a last ditch effort by my doctors to keep me somewhat sane and find out what was wrong with me. When it hit me that I wasn't going to graduate with my class, my first reaction was to sit down and sob. Why was this happening, why me?
Well, the reasons were actually quite obvious--my health, due to an unknown cause, had tanked. I couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. Constant pain, to the point of being totally unable to get out of bed. All of that was also affecting my mental health. Even if I could get out of bed, I didn't want to. Really, all I wanted to do was lay in bed and sleep.
As far as spring semesters go, this was pretty up there in the "horrible" category. It only had two, really--this one, and last year, when I completely shattered my ankle and had to take Incomplete credits in all of my courses. That takes the top spot, if we're being honest, because it probably had a hand in the slow decline of my mental health.
So, come February 2017, after two fruitless exploratory surgeries and countless blood tests that were inconclusive, I medically withdrew from college until the fall. My world had ended.
But had it really?
You see, I thought that not graduating on time and not being able to walk with all my friends was the most important thing. And besides, all that hard work, three years of it, just down the drain...
What was I supposed to do for a whole semester, anyway? It's not like anyone would hire someone they knew would be leaving in six months. Plus, I still had no clue what was wrong with me. So, after sobbing for quite some time, I decided to make a plan, to make it worth the time.
Anyone else who is struggling with having to take a semester off, this is for you. Take it, change it, make it work for what you need.
1. Get your health straightened out.
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If you're on medical leave, remember that it's likely so you can find out what is wrong. That may be a lengthy process, but that's okay--you have plenty of time to figure things out. Take things one step at a time. Not sure what that thing on your blood test means? Ask your doctor, or if you can't reach them, cautiously consult Dr. Google. Despite what many may say, Google does provide lots of resources, but just remember, your medical professional will almost always be a better person to consult with. And don't forget to be an active patient-- your doctor can't read your mind. Tell them things, do your research about medications and treatments, and make sure you aren't having one sided conversations with them.
2. Start a journal.
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It may seem like a lot of work, but creating a journal and having planner pages really, really helps. One thing that I do that has really helped is track habits, such as how often I cook at home or how often I exercise. It's just a way to be accountable for myself, and to remind myself to do various things. I also have sections where I can write little notes about things such as whether or not I spiked a fever or if I was particularly sick on one day or another, which make it easier to keep up with patterns that might otherwise look sporadic. I personally use a Leuchtturnm 1917, with Zebra Sarasa .7 pens, but what you use is totally up to you.
3. Find something to keep small bits of your time occupied, like non-strenuous volunteer work.
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Probably don't try to do this unless your doctor clears you, but volunteering a day or two a week is a great way to get back into a regular schedule. I personally volunteered at a local museum for a while (and will hopefully be returning soon). It was nice, I didn't have to do a lot of strenuous work, and it was something in my field that will look good on a resume one day. Ask around, and let people know what your limitations are. Chances are, someone will be more than glad to help.
4. Once you are able, find a part time job.
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Like with volunteer work, make sure you are able to hold a job before looking for one. Part time is a good place to start, especially if you plan on going back to school. Usually, part time jobs are replaceable, and therefore employers are more likely to hire you for positions like that, even if they're aware you won't be there long. Also like volunteering, try to find something in your field. If not, find something you're good at or can handle. I work as a makeup artist part-time, for weddings, which, while it can be stressful sometimes, is something I very much enjoy. As they say, if you find a job you love, you'll never work a day.
5. Make yourself get out and do things, like going to dinner with friends or walking the dog.
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Getting out of the house will vastly improve your outlook. Make plans, do things with other people. You'll feel less bored, and it'll help the time go by. Plan a trip, even, if you're up to it. If not, just going out to lunch or dinner and having someone other than your family and your doctor to talk to will be such a morale booster. If you're up for an afternoon or day trip, maybe go shopping. Retail therapy does wonders, too.
6. On that note, pets are wonderful and help so much with mental health.
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If there is one thing that has helped me through all of this, it is my precious puppy, Ellie. With a dog, or a cat, you've absolutely got to take care of them, and by extension, you end up taking care of yourself. When I'm terribly out of it, sometimes I forget to eat or shower, but you can bet that Ellie doesn't forget food, or picks that moment to go get in something stinky so I have to give her a bath. Feeding and bathing her reminds me to take care of myself, too, and then we're both happier.
7. Take your mental health seriously.
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Carrie Fisher is my favorite, okay? Her speeches on mental health have gotten me through so much. One thing that she always talks about is not being ashamed to be mentally ill. It isn't something you can help. No one asks for depression, or bipolar disorder, or anxiety. You can't control it. What you can do, though, is take steps to better your life and reduce symptoms. Carrie often spoke about how that, when she was younger and addicted to drugs, she was self medicating for a mental illness she didn't know she had. When she got older and got help though, her life improved by a tenfold. It's so important to keep yourself in check, and to always seek help if you need it.
8. Learn to take things in stride.
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Sometimes, the most unexpected things happen at the worst times. It can be hard to handle everything, but the best thing you can do is to work through it all and take it all in stride. Not long before I was put on leave, my grandmother passed away, and I was absolutely devastated. She'd been there with me through everything, and now I didn't have her. But, with the help of family and friends, I managed to get through it, even though it was truly one of the most difficult things. To quote Jurassic Park, 'life finds a way.'
9. Lean on people around you in times of need.
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My friends and family have absolutely been the ones to help me get through... Well, anything. When you're having a bad day, call your mom. Sometimes just a quick hello, I miss you, or I love you can turn the day around, or at least give you a little bit of hope. Text your friends, vent to them, get it all out. Take advice. It's okay not to have it all together all the time, no one does. When you're falling apart, you have your friends and family to keep you together
10. Remember that it isn't forever.
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Sure, right now, it may feel like the world has ended. It may feel like you'll never get out of this funk, never be able to finish school or do what you want with your life. But it isn't forever, I promise. Just be patient, take it one day at a time, and one day you'll wake up feeling like you're a new person. It won't happen overnight, and you will have to work for it, but you'll get there.
I'll be returning to classes in the fall, and walking in May 2018. Just last week, I was finally diagnosed with something that can be treated relatively easily, and I can now say that I finally feel like it isn't the end of the world. It took a while, but I got there. And so can you. Don't give up, and don't walk away. Here's to not letting your semester off suck!
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