10 Things That'll Make You Feel Pretty Darn Good About Yourself
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10 Things That'll Make You Feel Pretty Darn Good About Yourself

An article full of satire for people who come up with dark jokes and laugh about their loneliness.

10 Things That'll Make You Feel Pretty Darn Good About Yourself
Jazmin Aguilar

2018 was a rough year, so we should relieve the tension in the air with a list of 10 things that'll make our lives a little less gloomy. I must confess that I gave this list a personal touch because I don't want to try and meddle in affairs with people who obviously can't see the wrong things in this world.

1. A routine

"desperate for motivation" -clur mullur

You fulfill the emptiness of your life with enforced goals you want to achieve day to day. Little and easy things make you feel pretty darn good about yourself, even after an emotional- and physically-draining day. Setting out rewards with every accomplished bullet point, too, are life-changing.

As you get comfortable with a routine, you'll find yourself want to make another one. It's a cycle for improvement at your own pace.

2. Chrissy Teigen

Follow this woman on social media, especially on Twitter. She's the badass you've always wanted to be; she claps back at all celebrities, big and small while also being a goofball. Some of her tweets and interviews will leave you crying with laughter with her 'open-letter' kind of personality. Also, her relationship with John Legend will keep your hopes high about your own love life.

4. Pro-Life Protesters

I don't have much time for your running mouth.


Remember that lady who got ninja kicked by that dude on the corner of the street? Remember her answer when that guy asked if it was okay for a girl to get an abortion due to rape?

(She said no.)

I'm glad I'm not her and you should, too.

There are people out there that hold on proudly to beliefs that are actually fueled by false intentions as they argue that they're merely protecting all works of God. They're pro-fetus, they could care less about the life that is born and the life of the mother. It's even funnier when it's a man who is pro-life because a woman's body has nothing to do with them and they should have no opinion about it. Whatever opinion you have on the matter, identifying with pro-choice demonstrates the respect you should have for other people. For instance, you don't know what a woman or couple is going through, and abortion might be the best choice for them.

5. Anti-Vaccinators

All heroes don't wear capes.

I saw this tweet and I have nothing else to say.

Anti-vaccinators are unpredictable; to be unvaccinated means endangering children and so many other people with preventable diseases. Allergic reactions and preventable diseases are things can easily be avoided with some sincere thought. Recently, there has been a high number of measle cases popping up at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, a university known for its gigantic campus and large student body. Measles is a viral infection that is spread by airborne respiratory droplets, salvia, skin-to-skin contact, and contact with a contaminated surface. The scary part about measles is that if you have it, the symptoms do not show right away, and for a full-time student, their schedule allows the disease to further spread until it's too late.

To be vaccinated means having peace of mind, especially when the infection is spreading around. Vaccines were created to extend your lifespan and that is something to be grateful for.

6. Smol Animals

You were given a beating heart to squish these adorable creations until they sploot.

Please don't actually try to squeeze these precious things to death. Any small companion will make you feel happy because they influence you to be your better, responsible self.

7. Barack Obama and Joe Biden

Barack Obama and Joe Biden, and I guess Hillary Clinton, too.


I'm sorry, not, but Donald Trump and his followers have made me appreciate these two men more even after they left office. They made those years in those two terms feel so easy breezy.

And their presence has fueled social media with heartwarming memes about their bromance. Their years of friendship has outlasted many of mine.

8. Donald Trump

Donald Trump's debate

Whether you're a Republic or not, this man has ruined the reputation for that party (even though it's all been tainted) but look at the bright side-

You don't look like him, an iconic cheeto-glazed man, and you're not made fun of explicitly across the globe.

9. Bank Account

"Think about it."


For a college student, a simple glance at my bank account and seeing that I have enough money to buy a meal is breathtaking. And for a person who is also insecure (like I), think this;

Ya got no money to change yourself and it be like that sometimes. You've got to prove to yourself and everyone else that you're worth more than your appearance and your stash of green. In other words, your humor is what makes you the best.

10. Memes

"uh, excuse me?"


You're not that funny (look at gif) and that's okay. There are creative people out there to bless your newsfeed with these iconic images. And with these iconic images, you can be the hoot of the conversation just by making references to them. The fact that you can laugh at these show you have taste and you are still a vital part of society.

11. Going to Web M.D.

*type*type* -typing.

  1. You survive this long with your anti-vacc mom
  2. Your parents blessed you with vaccines and you're just here to check out how many ways you can die with subtle symptoms and it's pretty funny.

Number 1 is quite a blessing and that can make the most arrogant person smile slightly. Everyone deserves to spend their lives to the fullest and Web MD is probably the last thing you want to go to for the best outcome. Don't actually depend on Web MD for anything. If you believe your symptoms are far from being fixed with your typical shelf medicine, go to your local clinic or hospital to seek accurate advice on what to do next.

But if you definitely know you're going to live, check it out. It's quite an informative site and there are plenty of diseases out there you don't really know about and it wouldn't hurt much to read about it.

Hooray! You've reached the end of our satire journey. Please look around and make sure to pick up whatever humor oozed from each point in our listicle as your own personal souvenir.

I hope this article made you feel good in some way and enjoy the rest of your day.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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