Being athletic is a talent we all wish we had. Whether it was being the best in middle school gym class, going out for the Varsity team freshman year, or getting a full-ride to college on an athletic scholarship, we all strive to be "that person." Unfortunately, it doesn't come natural to us all. Some of us can't even walk in a straight line or get the basketball to "just hit the dang square on the backboard." Some can dive in the pool and well, others still worry about belly flopping off the diving board every time. The possibilities of frustration to those of us that can't-do-athletic-like-things are endless.
1. On first dates we are constantly asked "What sport do you play?" We've all been there with that cute first date that we are so excited for. You're all dolled up and already nervous and then boom, the question: What sport do you play? None. I play none. You're repeating this in your head but politely reply, "I don't play any sports, but I love watching them. How about you?" Good thinking but, kind of a lie.
2. We never had an activity in gym class we enjoyed. I mean really, everyone is expected to participate in these nasty, sweaty games gym teachers make up in their spare time. The games where all the boys try to prove themselves to the world and pretend they're in the Olympic Games. It's absurd really, to be placed in a gym to be told you have to play this game you know nothing about for a grade. Luckily, we all have been very thankful our gym grades are solely based on participation and not how many goals we scored or how long we held ourselves up on that stupid bar.
3. We don't know the ins-and-outs of any sport. Sporty people are all about "their" game. They know all the rules, all the times, all the little details. Meanwhile, us non-athletic people can say, yes, you hit the ball with a bat in baseball. You dribble the basketball but can't go out-of-bounds. You hit the puck with the hockey stick and try not to die. In hindsight though, we know very few details about the game even if we do in fact watch the sport, and didn't just lie to you on our first date.
4. We're expected to go to the gym. Don't lie, you athletic people look at us "nons" and think, "well they surely must go to the gym, then." I am, sorry but your expectations are a little too high and are simply exceeding my ability. I didn't tell you to go be Picasso when you couldn't draw a stick figure.
5. We can't exercise and have fun. Have you thought about that? Everyone that is all sporty and running and shooting hoops and swimming miles can enjoy it. They love that nonsense. However, when I or another non-sport fanatic tries take a stab at it, it feels like we are putting ourselves on a death bed. Seriously. I feel like I am going to pant my heart out of my chest. It's no joke. .
6. We are automatically classified as lazy. Okay, I am sorry if my hobby seems more enjoyable and you have to exact hate and cruel names onto me. Just as you enjoy hitting baseballs, I enjoy eating popcorn and drinking soda on my sofa a few times a day.
7. Once we eat junk food, we know there is no turning back. Not to mention, we know "we are what we eat" and we will probably regret that bag of popcorn and nine sodas we had that day, but that is our personal problem. We don't harass you for breaking your leg at practice that one time and not working out for days. So don't harass us for not breaking our leg and still not working out. Okay?
8. We can't dress in athletic clothes without beings asked if we actually worked out for once. I like athletic clothes. Yes—sometimes I enjoy the idea that I look like I just went on a hike or played volleyball for eight hours. I probably just ate a donut or left the library—but for that second you questioned if I was athletic or not, and thought "Wow, she actually went to the gym!" was all I needed.
9. We are constantly reminded that we are not gifted in athletics. People that can't sing are only reminded on Sundays at church and Wednesday night Karaoke. People that can't draw are only reminded on days where you have to draw a graph or play Pictionary with your family. However, people that are incapable of the terrible group of activities called sports, are reminded everyday.
10. We're forced to find hobbies that will always seem less impressive than a sport. Whenever these silly activities are brought up, we try to out-cool your coolness. We know sticking five marshmallows in our mouth at the same time isn't as impressive. We know our sweet painting is cool for five minutes while your constant win and MVP Award is brag-worthy for months to come. Give us a break—we try to be as cool as you. We really do, and one day, when you're not ready for it, we will have a hobby that does in fact, make us cooler than you.
