One of the most amazing things about going to college in the United States is college football. It’s arguably just as cutthroat as the NFL itself and the personal connections that we all have to our schools (we give them all of our money) makes it easy to get really into it. College GameDay is super exciting and fun and it’s a staple of what it means to go to college, unless you’re like me and opted to go to an institution that doesn’t have a football team. That’s right, no football which means no tailgates, no ESPN College GameDay and virtually no fun all fall. Here are 10 things that happen on College GameDay when your school doesn’t have a football team...
1. You think, “Why did I go to school here?”
You will find yourself asking why you didn’t choose to go to that giant school (we are!) with all of your high school friends. After all, for the next four months, ESPN will be broadcasting those schools and their dope tailgates, making you wish you were less academic and a little more fun.
2. You tell yourself your school has no spirit.
Chances are if your school doesn’t have a football program, nobody gives a flying flip about the rest of the sports teams there either. It’s every varsity athlete’s biggest grievance. I’m looking at you, American University.
3. You wish you could tailgate.
Tailgates: the one place where it’s acceptable to day-drink on the weekend, aside from D.C. brunches. You could go crash a tailgate at the nearest football school, but you’ll feel lame if you do, because let’s be honest you weren’t made for that situation you private schooler, you.
4. You watch your friends’ snapchat stories with envy.
Syracuse. Penn State. Michigan State. Dang, even Navy is more popping than your school right now and that’s saying something.
5. You wander around your campus looking for something to do.
The only thing that’s getting loud on campus is the Model UN team. Time to cut your losses and transfer. Down with the WONKS!
6. You might crash a game at another school and if not the game maybe you’ll end up at the football house for the afterparty.
Just go home, these never end well.
7. You’ll look at the signs on Twitter and think about how you could come up with something better if you only had a team.
Your signs are clever, but think of all the hilarious things your super academic mind could come up with.
8. The banners on people’s Facebook pictures break your heart a little.
College colors day is supposed to bring out your school spirit but of course, your school doesn’t count.
9. Victoria’s Secret doesn’t have cute school merch for you.
You may go to a university that is 60 percent female, but this lingerie giant doesn’t recognize you as existing because, oh yeah, you don’t have a football team. Even ARMY gets cute gear and they just started letting girls in (well, 40 years ago).
10. You reluctantly choose another school’s football program and become a super fan for them.
Go team! I may not go here but we finna get that W this year.
Good luck this football season, my team-less super fans!
