Anyone who know's me at all, knows I am a lover of words. I love everything about words. I love listening to the words of lovers and enemies on old records, reading the words of a lost soul in my favorite books, and writing my deepest thoughts down with pen and paper. And I'm one of those people who can come up with a sarcastic comment or quick remark with the snap of my fingers, but there is one thing that I find always leaves me at a loss for words. My mental illness.

I can talk to you for hours about religion or philosophy or the hatred in our world today, but as soon as you bring up my anxiety and depression, I can't find a single word to say. It's almost like someone removed my tongue and I've become mute, which then tends to draw more attention because I NEVER don't have anything to say. And that's when it hit me. I'm afraid to talk about my mental health. I also realized that I am not the only one suffering from a mental illness. I am not the only one who has so much to say about my suffering but cannot find the words to say out loud. Who cannot figure out how to tell my loved ones what I am going through to try and help them understand, when the reality is, I still don't understand what I am going through.

We live in a world where phrases like "it's all in your head" and "you just want attention" are being thrown at anyone who admits to having a mental illness. So how can people expect those suffering from a mental illness to easily talk about what they are going through if there is already this immense stigma that people with a mental illness are "crazy" or "making it all up"? And if they aren't being accused of making it all up, they are being looked at like they aren't a regular human being. But guess what, WE ARE STILL HUMAN BEINGS.

So I decided to reach out to others who have a mental illness and ask them a few questions about their disorder(s). I asked each of them what their diagnosis is/was, what is the first thing they think of when trying to talk about their disorder, and what they wish people would understand about their mental illness. My hope was that by finding others out there who are suffering, this article would give them a chance to express what they are going through and to give an inside look to others about what they deal with on a daily basis. I also hoped it would show everyone that just because two people were diagnosed with the same disorder, doesn't mean they struggle the exact same. What I did not realize, was just how many people would reach out to me, wanting to share their stories.

Maddie (Me), Anxiety with Panic Attacks and Depression

"When I try to talk to others about my anxiety, I think about being trapped inside my own skin. When I start to have a panic attack or anxiety attack, I feel like I'm trapped and need to get out of my own skin because I cannot breathe. When I think of my depression, I think about the days when I can't get myself out of bed no matter how hard I try and an overwhelming feeling of being numb. Feeling nothing at all. What I wish people would understand about my mental illness is that I can't just "get over it" or just "calm down." Being told to calm down or just to ignore it ends up making my attacks much worse because it's like someone is trying to say it's just in my head, that it's not real. IT IS NOT IN MY HEAD. What I'm feeling is real. It's real to me and that's all that matters. If I got out of bed today, I take that as a win and so should you."

Abby, Anxiety

"When I think of my anxiety, I think about losing control. Not knowing what's going to happen next or what to expect, and not being in control of my situation. This diagnosis is new to me, and I still don't understand what I'm feeling or why I'm acting the way I am. I want others to understand that I can't "get a grip", I can't "go with the flow", and I need concrete plans because if I don't have them, I'm a mess. I'm not overreacting. This might not be real to you, but to me, my feelings are very real and what is happening is earth shattering. So, Don't tell me that it "isn't a big deal" because to me, it is."

Chelsea, Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder

"When I try to talk to someone about it...it's almost scary. You don't know how someone is going to react or if they will treat you differently. I often start shaking and begin to stutter my words talking about it. I could throw up talking to my own mother and family members about it. I always panic in my head thinking "do they still like me? Am I being a bother?" One of the main things I learned was everyone in this world has an opinion and unfortunately, all they want to do is judge the problem negatively instead of just "being there." People are quick to talk behind others backs, not knowing what that human being is going through in their own brain. Mental illness does not define someone and it doesn't mean that person is different. It took me two years to fully accept that I have a disorder and, even though I have this, I will be OKAY. I have been in situations and problems where I thought I wasn't even loved anymore and had no purpose in this world. If it wasn't for my friends and family, I wouldn't be here today. So, take a moment everyday to just sit and listen, do not judge. It's hard living with it everyday, sometimes it's good and sometimes its a nightmare. Just show love."

Kristina, Anxiety

"The first thing that comes to mind when I try to explain my anxiety is a loss of control. Not exactly of myself, but of my thoughts and emotions.That's usually what precedes an an attack and it's the worst feeling in the world. I wish people would understand that I genuinely cannot control it. Even though it may sound silly to them, what I'm upset about, I know it's silly too, but I genuinely cannot help it."

Gabe, Depression and Anxiety

"When trying to talk to someone about my depression and anxiety, I tend to worry and panic, wondering if they will still want to have a part in my life because I'm not sure if they want to deal with my emotions and the issues I struggle with. What I'd like people to know about someone suffering with depression and/or anxiety is that I, personally, tend to over think just about everything and the only way to help someone move on from a situation is having someone there to talk too, and to also have reassurance."

Jackie, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

"I was in a bad car accident with my family, this December will be 10 years. Just writing and openly admitting I have it makes me very uncomfortable. My eyes immediately filled with tears and I have a tightness in my chest. I start to shake. I don't like to talk to people about it because I feel embarrassed and ashamed. Yes, I was in a bad car accident. Yes, I will have a physical reminder for the rest of my life. But it's been 10 years! What bothers me the most is that it doesn't just affect me when I'm in a car. I would understand if that was the case. But it affects me constantly. I go into a full blown panic attack when I'm on an elevator, an escalator. I will walk around a manhole because I have the immediate sensation that I will undoubtedly fall through if I step on it. Flying is a nightmare. I used to love to fly, and now I must be medicated and I'm still in a full blown panic attack the entire time. This all makes me so frustrated because it has nothing to do with the car accident. And I just want it to stop so I can live without being in a constant state of panic all the time. I want people to know that I don't want to have this problem and I don't find it funny, nor do I mean to draw attention. I know that I over react to certain situations, but I don't do it on purpose and I can't help it. Instead of saying, "what's your problem?" or laughing, I wish they'd just recognize I'm struggling and gently reassure me, "it's going to be okay." Yes I have a mental illness. But it does not define me or who I am. I am working very hard to get better, and I will not stop. I am NOT my disorder!

Rachel, Undiagnosed Generalized Anxiety

"I have not gotten a diagnosis for my mental illness because I do not want to be placed on medication, nor do I want them to tell me a diagnosis that I already know that I live with. When I talk to somebody about my mental illness, the first thing that comes to mind is suffocation. Like there is an invisible hand squeezing my throat. Or, sometimes I explain it as a glass box. Where you can see the water rising and you scream for help but no noise comes out and people only see the normal you. Not that one struggling everyday just to do a simple thing... breathe. Breathing is simply the hardest thing to do with my anxiety. I wish people would understand that everybody struggles under the surface. You never know what somebody struggles with daily. This does not make us weak or crazy, this makes us our own unique heroes. I don't think there is anything more amazing that somebody facing their own inner demons on the daily. It's so easy to just think somebody is crazy because we cannot see them struggling within their own glass box. If only they could listen and not judge so quickly to think that we just need to suck it up. I think all people are heroic in their own way, but people with mental illnesses have their own kind of bravery."

Faith, Severe Anxiety with Panic Attacks

"They go hand and hand as anyone with anxiety would know. When I try to talk to anyone about my anxiety I tend to get frustrated and tense up because people don't want to understand or simply can't understand what I'm going through. What I wish people would understand is that when I'm going through my anxiety/panic attacks I don't want people to tell me its okay or to try and relate because usually it just makes it worse. Also I want people to understand that I'm not faking it for attention, just because I don't show it physically doesn't mean I'm not good at hiding whats emotionally going on inside. More than one person always ends up telling me I'm fine, just get over it. Most of the time, when I'm going through my attacks, I feel like I'm dying and can't breathe as well as getting mega depressed from it. The depression than lasts for hours because I feel down on myself that I don't know how to handle them on my own."

Rosy, Depression and Anxiety

"I have also experienced panic disorder (attacks). The first thing that comes to mind when I try to talk to someone about my mental illnesses is that they are going to see me differently, especially as someone who is weak. What I wish people would understand about my mental illness is that it never goes away completely; however, I have worked toward developing skills to overcome the symptoms of my illnesses. Also, even though I recognize my illnesses, that doesn't mean that I use them as a crutch or an excuse."

Ashley, Chronic Anxiety

"Explaining what exactly anxiety is can always be difficult, especially when that person can't relate in any way. Every I time I try to "explain myself", my heart races uncontrollably my hands begin to sweat and I instantly have the urge to cry. It's something that you can't properly put into words without someone basically thinking you're crazy. What a lot of people don't understand is that this is out of our control. Telling me to "suck it up" or "just don't think about it" is like telling a baby not to cry. It just doesn't work like that. It's not like we try to think the way we do. We don't like feeling this way. Personally, my attacks include constant negativity running through my head. My mind will think of everything that is wrong with me; I'm not pretty enough, I'm lazy, I'm stupid, I'm worthless... the list could go on and on. What helps, is just knowing that someone is there for me. I don't need to hear a speech from you on how I need to look at the positive. Hold my hand, give me a hug and reassure to me that I'm not alone. Anxiety is out of our control so just be there. That's all we ask of you."

Kaley, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

"I have OCD tendencies- not the whole disorder, just some of the symptoms. I don't try to talk about it. I don't want people to think I'm ridiculous. If I ever do mention it, it's brief (so I don't start panicking). I wish people would understand that no one has a textbook diagnosis. I don't have OCD according to a doctor, but I've studied psychology. I know the symptoms and I know myself. I know that I don't need to quadruple check the lock on my door or the address I'm driving too, but I do. I know I don't need to confirm a time or date with someone 6 times before I go somewhere, but I do. Maybe I always will. But no matter what, I have to accept it and so do you."

Carol, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

"I'm 36 years old & have suffered with PTSD for eight years. It's gotten easier to cope with as time has gone on, but it creeps up out of nowhere, every once in a while. I was in an extremely abusive relationship and when I finally broke free, the backlash began. Trying to explain how it affects me is difficult because it manifests in many different ways. If I get extremely overwhelmed emotionally, I tend to "tune out." I'm in the situation physically, but my mind almost hits the pause button, I just think nothing and feel nothing for a short amount of time. Maybe 30 seconds to a minute or two, depending on the severity of whatever is going on. I've been told by psychiatrists that I'm searching for some kind of stability, or calmness to cling to, even if only for a moment. I wish people would understand that reactions to things like getting my feelings hurt, or worrying about inadequacy, or even just feeling like "part of something", will always be different and I'm forever striving to gain consistency in these areas. When I say I'm hurt, or feel as though I've failed someone it literally feels as though my heart is breaking. I hope at least a little bit of this makes sense. If you love someone, keep your ears open. The answer is usually there, somewhere."

Anna, Anxiety and Depression

"My heart races and I feel over tired and like I've been over this again and again and no one can hear what I say. Sometimes it does escalate to panic attacks. (I was having them multiple times a day, less now that I'm on medication for that.) I want people to stop thinking medication will make it better, or I just need to focus on the "good things in life." Sometimes (most times) that doesn't work. And being on a bunch of medicine is not ideal. Sometimes, the best thing is to have someone to listen to me or even have just someone keep me company. Not necessarily talking. Someone to comfort and not judge or try to make it better. I want people to try to understand and hear what I have to say."

Nicole, Panic Disorder, OCD, Bipolar II, Anorexia and Bulimia

"The first thing I always have to say is that my brain doesn't stop, when I have an episode, especially a panic attack, my first symptom is rapid thought. Beyond that, I may feel compelled to check locks, purge, hyperventilate, or cry- depending on what the trigger is. But it always starts by not being able to avoid the thought, no form of distraction is enough. I wish people would understand that most times, I am not anxious because of what is happening but rather what I'm worried will happen. I can't shut it off, I can't avoid it- even when I seem to be having good days, the amount of mental strain it takes to not seem anxious is almost more stressful than allowing myself to panic."

Several of the people that reached out to me had a form of anxiety, and this wasn't very surprising since anxiety is the most common form of mental illness people hear about. But did you realize that although multiple people were diagnosed with the SAME disorder, they were not the same? People want to assume that just because people have the same diagnosis, that makes their struggles the same. But it is NOT the same. Each person is different, therefore, they will suffer differently. What you also can notice is everyone I spoke to said similar things; they don't want to be told to "calm down" or that it's "all in their heads". They aren't asking you to completely understand what they are going through, they just want you to be there for them and not give up on them. That's all anyone ever wants despite having a mental illness or not. They just wanted to be treated the same and to be loved for who they are.

When you or someone you love suffers from a mental illness, don't try to fix them. Don't tell them they need to "get over it" or that they "are fine". What they are feeling is real and it isn't just in their head, even if it doesn't make sense to you. So be there for them and let them know that they are not alone in their struggles, and that they are strong and brave for continuing to fight each and every day.

And to those of you who are struggling, I hope this article shows you that you are not alone in your suffering. You are not the only one who cannot explain what you are feeling. There are other's like you out there, and we are all in this together.