It's Time To Stop Calling People Who Are Focusing On Themselves 'Self-Absorbed'

It's Time To Stop Calling People Who Are Focusing On Themselves 'Self-Absorbed'

There's a MAJOR difference between self-absorbed and focusing on oneself.

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There's a lot of talk, particularly on social media, about self-care and taking care of yourself, putting yourself first. It's great and amazing, especially when we live in a world that can be hella stress-inducing and judgmental.

But the second someone starts putting themselves first, they're labeled as "self-absorbed."

Isn't that ironic? People will think it's great to take care of yourself...until it means that you're putting yourself before their needs and what they want from you. Basically, self-care is all great and good to another person until it gets in the way of what they want from you.

There's a major difference between "self-absorbed" and "self-focus:" the intention.

That is about as simple as I can put it. One's intentions behind putting their needs and wants before those of others make up the line between "self-absorbed" and "self-focus."

Self-absorbed means you only care about yourself and what you want, even if it's at the expense of others and/or regardless of whether you actually need it.

Self-focus means you're taking time to focus on yourself and your needs, rather than constantly caring more about everyone else and what they need. It's putting time into yourself because YOU need it, and because it's best for you.

We often forget that part of self-care is emphasizing the importance of your own needs and wants in scenarios where others would otherwise ignore them. It's saying "no" when others want us to say "yes," because saying "yes" all the time is exhausting, both emotionally, physically, and mentally. It's making others understand why what we want is just as important as what they want out of a situation.

You are allowed to put yourself first.

Here's a common scenario: If someone is suggesting plans to go out when you really just want to stay in, say no and "sorry not sorry" that the lack of your presence will "ruin the mood!" Especially for college kids, we're insanely busy. A quiet night in can sometimes sound sooo much better than a night out, even if it's with your friends. Take a second to think about whether you're actually up to go out, mentally and physically, rather than immediately replying "yes" just because it's your friend and they expect you to automatically join in the plans.

Self-focus is especially important when it comes to relationships.

NEVER. EVER. Let a friend or romantic partner make you feel unsatisfied in the relationship. Communication is so important, and you need to tell the other person if a certain repetitive behavior or action is making it hard for you to stay in the relationship.

I can personally attest to this one, as I had a former best friend who had various behaviors that made it hard to stay friends with her towards the end of the relationship. I wish I had taken the time back then to speak with her about it rather than letting tension build up within our relationship. I don't think it would have changed why we stopped being friends, but it would have made several months a lot easier.

Putting yourself first is always what's best for you.

You know, as long as you're not acting oblivious to the rest of the world (or reality) and not giving a damn about the impact of your actions on others. In which case, yes, you are self-absorbed and desperately in need of a reality check.

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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Being Ugly

What it means to me

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Due to a series of ongoing events throughout my semester, I've reconsidered what it means for someone to truly be ugly. Though it is often used in terms of appearance, I do not see it as such-- now more than ever. Ugliness runs deeper than appearance-- it runs within one's soul and festers into other areas of one's life, particularly in their treatment of others.

I view ugliness as someone's conscious capacity and implementation of malice. Taking time and energy out of your day to hurt someone else, that's what I view as ugly. Some offenses are more minor than others, however, it is still a conscious effort to hurt or affect someone else negatively-- and that's the source of the problem. I truly wonder what causes that sort of behavior in someone, as I, along with most people, simply do not invest time or energy into hating or plotting against others. It seems like a full-time job.

I can theorize all sorts of reasons as to why someone would act this way: hate, jealousy, vengeance, etc. Yet, all of these reasons don't hit the root reason. It almost seems that some people are just innately ugly in their soul. This alludes to the timeless debate of whether one's personality is due to nature or nurture. Again, although our surroundings and environment do have a large effect in our behavior, that alibi only goes so far when multiple people are placed in the same environment, in the same situation, and only some are willing to cross moral boundaries in order to hurt the others. Just because an environment applies pressure to people, does not mean everyone is going to act out in malice, and it certainly does not give everyone an excuse to do so. Some people are simply conniving and, well, ugly inside.

If you have ever encountered people like this, I know from personal experience that it is such a drag. You have an enemy, essentially, whether you chose to or not, however based on their hatred towards you, they are now considered an enemy, a hater, and any other associated term. Know that they will do anything in their power to bring you down, even if it requires bending the truth and creating elaborate schemes, but you have to keep on doing you. Let them obsess over ways to bring you down. At the end of the day, their time and energy is being invested into bringing you down, while yours is being used to build yourself up. They will fall by default. So, keep your head high, act in grace, and make your money. They can sip on their Haterade and watch from below.

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