We've all been there. We've all worried whether or not we're good enough, competent enough, or impressive enough for social interactions. We've all grappled with the pull of social anxiety at some point or another. Anxiety, whether diagnosed or situational, is a process that allows our brains to decipher whether or not we are being kept safe. It's a protective feature that's hard-wired into a lot of our brains. Social anxiety exists for a reason, and it's still difficult to manage.
So, here are ways to confront the toils of social anxiety:
1. Make fun of yourself.
I'm an advocate for vehement self-respect and holding one's self to high standards, at the same time, I don't think anyone is above a good sense of humor. If you screw up, laugh at it. You absolutely are important, but not so important that you can't laugh at yourself. The ability to not take yourself self too seriously stems from being okay with not being perfect. You're a human, it's okay to be weird. In fact, it's admirable.
2. Remind yourself that not everyone hates you.
I like to remind myself that people probably have better uses of their time and energy than actively disliking me. The anxious brain loves to jump to outlandish conclusions, and it's important to remind your brain that it's likely improbable for 7 billion people to hate you. Even when you feel you have engaged in an action that makes you a most detestable being, I promise you that there's still someone who cares about you enough to tell your brain to shut up.
3. Remind yourself that not everyone has to like you.
While it's unlikely for 7 billion people to hate you, they won't all like you either. You're not meant for everyone, and that's okay. It'd take a lot of being bland and generic for your personality to be enjoyed by every person out there, so I hope you can harbor some gratitude for whatever quirks make you unique. You are not any less valuable for not being adored by all of the masses. Some people won't like you. It's an important truth to sit with.
4. Accept the discomfort.
Whether or not you're naturally inclined to feeling anxious, feeling uncomfortable in certain social situations is both healthy and normal. You might stutter, get jittery, or not know what to say. It's alright. If you can acknowledge whatever somatic or emotional symptoms are coming up for you in social settings, you've already taken the first step. Notice what's going on in your mind, notice how that manifests in your body, and accept the current moment.
5. Talk about it.
The more I can acknowledge my anxiety around groups of people, the more I realize how people can truly resonate with it. A great way to prevent or reduce anxiety, from a public health perspective, is to normalize the behavior. That's not to say we should all communally self-destruct and proceed back into our own rooms for all of eternity (though, on some days, that doesn't seem like an awful idea). Rather, if we can acknowledge how we can relate to each other, the power of residual anxiety decreases. There's strength in numbers, y'all.
6. Take a breath.
If you've ever noticed your own body in a state of heightened anxiety, you probably have been able to recognize feeling as if you haven't taken a breath in twenty decades. If you want to best battle anxiety in the moment, take a breath. Physically stabilize yourself. Periodically check in with your breathing if you are struggling with a situation that sparks some worry. Is it shallow? Is it deep? Are you even doing it? Let yourself relax, even for a second.
In summary, you're not a burden. You're just another person trying to figure all of this crap out. People can be scary. It's okay to notice that. It's also okay to relax. You'll be alright. People care about you. People want you around. You're more worthwhile than you may think.
If all else fails, please use this:
