Whether male or female, most individuals have some breed of insecurity or internalized flaw. With stick thin celebrities and models infecting the published magazines we see day to day and the seemingly healthy fitness gurus invading Instagram with their crash diets and intimidating workout routines, it is truly difficult to not fall helplessly into the trap of inferiority. Even placing the “skinny” and “fit” accounts aside, it seems to be as if “more real” models have been exploding along news headlines and storefronts, still destructing the self-esteems of so many women and young girls around the globe. The publication of thicker models isn’t necessarily a negative thing, however, thinner women will remain envious over those who have shape and admirable curves, since that is soon to become the “new normal.”
What I’m trying to relay is that the public is never content; we are consistently too petite or too husky. As a girl, if you have stretch marks painted on your legs, you're automatically labeled as fat. Same goes for if your shoulders are extra bony or if you have knobby knees. Feelings toward negative body image are not just a result of constant exposure to skinny and fit people.
It seems as if the public has decided that ,“Oh my God, you’re too skinny!,” is not at all as offensive as, “Wow, you’re so fat.” Regardless of if somebody is slightly overweight or significantly underweight, both of these phrases relay identical messages: Your body isn’t perfect, and society says you should look a different way than how you present yourself at this moment in time.
Personally, I’ve struggled with my body image since elementary school, despite the fact that I’ve always been a “string bean." I’ve been obsessed with my looks and weight for as long as I can remember, and my regret grows deeper every day as I wish that my childhood could have been much more enjoyed by not comparing myself to everyone else. Like I mentioned, I was never overweight. I always idled smack dab in the middle of the doctors’ growth charts: never overweight, not once underweight.
However, believing that you are not good enough when you are physically healthy is all a fixed mindset. Unfortunately, I also suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder, which makes fitting in and feeling welcomed by others extremely challenging, especially when you don’t have a smidgen of confidence in yourself.
Going to school each day was constantly accompanied by a persistent thought of mine that somebody was always watching, judging my outfit, pointing out that my leggings curve around my legs not so great, accentuating my thunder thighs, bringing attention to my bony shoulders that don’t quite look right in my favorite coral sundress, or that my hip bones that jut out just enough when wearing other tight clothing items.
As a child, every morning began in front of a mirror, smeared with makeup all over it for the hundred times I’ve accidentally botched mascara and bronzer powder along the front in an attempt to show another side of myself that I was also not fond of. After painting my face, concealing each and every blemish and insecurity, I would experiment with various combinations of clothing to wear to school, eventually followed by, “I’m not skinny enough for this,” or, “If only I was a slight bit curvier in the chest area, this would look perfect.”
It goes both ways. Referring back to the addressed media issue, to proclaim that women around the world only have body image issues due to extremely slender or curvy models and the overuse of various photo editing programs for magazine agencies is absurd. Sure, people everywhere are influenced by media, and there’s no fixing that. It is in our nature to dissect the norm and apply it to our “not socially acceptable” selves, regardless of what we appear to look like, “hot or not.” What the public can change is how we react to these influences and react to our acquaintance's insecurities.
Snide comments, scowls in the hallway, and hands to ears, whispering while glancing in someone’s direction—this is what evilly creates insecurity. It is how parents are teaching their children to react in given scenarios. How teachers throw detentions for late homework, but applaud good behavior on the playground, even if that “good behavior” is demonstrated by a group of girls, quietly gossiping about a classmate (coincidently within earshot) about her hand-me-downs. The girls did not get into a physical fight with anybody else above the wood chips, did not hog any playground equipment, or do anything else that would cause a commotion at recess, so therefore, it is indirectly implied that it is acceptable behavior to quietly gossip about an innocent girl with a feather-light pocket.
Grade school life is all about the cliques we’re in. We begin to learn in elementary school that there are going to be peers that don’t like us and are threatening to us. It’s inevitable. Eventually, following this learned knowledge, we learn to accept who we are regardless of how other individuals view and label us. Whether they are overweight, underweight, whichever, the majority of children get stuck in this stage.
It wasn’t until my senior year in high school 10 years later that I finally got a solid grasp on this concept (for the most part!). I visit the gym four to five days a week and live a completely paleo lifestyle, with the exception of peanut butter. I have never felt so energized and refreshed with my internal and external image. It takes time to get where I am, there’s no denying it. There are days where my past creeps up on me saying, “So many people will make fun of you if you wear that since you’re actually so fat,” or “You don’t have big enough boobs to wear that, so why are you even trying to look good?” Other than occasional slip ups, I am in a confident state.
I desire to spread love to women and young girls all around by saying one thing: Love yourself. Love yourself unconditionally and repetitively every single day of the calendar year.
Loving yourself is going to be difficult, especially when lack of confidence is all you know, thanks to media and, well, the people you’ve known the entirety of your life. Muster up the confidence, and embrace your curves. Soak up your insecurities and transform them into unique qualities that make yourself who you are, since there can’t be another you for as long as time thrives. Become infatuated with you before developing a deepened love for another man or woman. It is not a myth that the key to loving someone is to primarily love yourself.
Placing the thin and thick models aside, regardless to if we are thicker boned or slender, we are all perfectly flawed. Our flaws are what make us God’s perfected creations. If I were to lack the gaps between my teeth, the freckles on my nose, and the stretch marks on my thighs, I would simply not be myself. I’ve learned to ignore the norm and adore these qualities because I can. I advise this to all because the sensation of self-acceptance is one of a kind.