I have been told multiple times I am "wifey material," and someone will come to appreciate that. When I first heard this, I'll admit I thought it was funny. There I was, a mere 18-year-old and someone says I would be a good wife, it was weird. Now nearly four years later, whenever I hear this phrase, I cringe, and I am not sure how to respond.
Urban Dictionary defines "wifey material" as "a phrase often used to describe a girl whom you feel possesses certain qualities that qualifies her to be a model wife for you: kind, sweet, caring, and compassionate."
But here's the thing, hearing someone wants to put a ring on my finger purely for being responsible makes me feel insulted. Right now, I have goals I am working toward. I have dreams and aspirations and hearing that all you seem to think about me is I would be a good fit to walk down the aisle essentially discounts all that I am working for.
Here are a few of the reasons calling somebody #WifeyMaterial is not as complimentary as you think:
1. We live in the 21st century, and women are so much more than just homemakers.
Wait a second, last time I checked we live in a modern-day society where women have equal rights, can hold the same job as a man, own property, and don't jump from their father's house to their husband's house. Here is the thing, if you happen to find the love of your life, go for it! I am simply saying women should not be expected to have to be married by a certain age.
2. It is sexist.
How would a guy feel if I went up to them at in the middle of a bar or restaurant and said "You'd make a great husband." They would think I was absolutely nuts. I do not think men are trying to insult a woman when they say she is wifey material, but the term has a degrading connotation to it. Do men expect women to clean and cook for them? Do they want someone who will bake for them and take care of them? Although this may not be a man's intention, women often read into the power words have and think you view them as nothing but a servant waiting to be at their beck and call.
3. How do you know I want to get married or be a wife?
In today's society, not everyone necessarily wants to get married and some of my friends have even sworn against it. Although this is something that I would one day like to do, I do not want to be thinking about it while still in college.
4. There are so many things I want to accomplish before getting married.
As I go through school, family friends are always telling me to live my life, see the world and all it has to offer. I am not saying I cannot do that with a partner, but there are places I want to visit and goals I want to accomplish before putting a ring on my finger. There are so many women working hard to make the world a better place, and although they may have all the qualities men want in their future wife, they may have better things to worry about than adding the role of "wife" to the list. I know one day, I want to compete in Miss USA, and I don't think I can do that with the title of Mrs.
To all the men who call a woman #wifeymaterial, thank you for thinking we have qualities you are looking for in a life partner, but those qualities exist for other reasons. There is so much more to us than just a potential spouse. All those qualities can add so much more to your life than just what you want in a spouse.
Men, next time you call a woman wife material, just know she may not take it as the compliment you're trying to give her.
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