I am, without a doubt, a people pleaser. I aim to make everyone happy, no matter what. With my ex, I always put his happiness above mine, but his happiness equaled my happiness. With my friends, I always try to make them happy. If they ask me to do something, I try my hardest to do it for them. As I’ve grown up and noticed that I do this, I realized that is was causing me a lot more stress and part of the reason for my anxiety. So, I decided to do something about it.

It has been quite the journey going from being a people pleaser to working on making sure I am happy, but I am making progress. I know that I can’t change who I am, but I know that I can make myself a better, happier person. I am not super woman. I cannot possibly do everything that everyone asks of me. And you know what? I am going to upset people. It hurts me to hurt my friends, more than they probably know. But I honestly can’t do everything. I’ve tried and I ended up making myself sick. I even made myself sicker when I was already sick trying to make everyone happy, but my body just couldn’t take it anymore.

For a while, I took a step back from everything and really reevaluated my life. A lot has changed for me this summer and I had to adjust to that. I had to find my happiness for me and not for anyone else. I’ve upset people recently and in the past and, ultimately, have lost friendships. Looking back, it was probably for the best because I just couldn’t keep dealing with keeping them happy. It always seemed like no matter what I did for them, they were never happy with me.

This summer was a crazy one for me. I had my internship, summer classes, and work, not leaving much room for any free time. So many people wanted to hang out with me this summer and I wanted to hang out with them, but I just couldn’t. I work nights and intern two days during the week, so I would be either asleep or doing homework during the few hours I wasn’t at work or my internship. Unfortunately, I chose sleep and homework over my friends. As bad as I felt, I had to do that or I would be very sleep deprived and failing my classes. The few times I wasn’t crazy busy with anything, I would make time for my friends. Again, I wanted my friends to be happy and not upset with me because I was too busy. Eventually, I slowly stopped trying and just kept focusing on myself. When I wanted to, I would reach out to my friends and try and make some kind of plans. Everyone is busy and it is hard when we are all on different schedules. But, I tried my hardest.

My friends are the most important people to me, along with my family. Anyone who knows me well knows that. My friends are just like my family to me. To any of my friends who felt like I neglected them this summer, I truly am sorry, but I just had so much going on. I did my best to find the time between everything going on. But, I have to do what is right for me and put myself and both my mental and physical health first.