Don't Forget To Check In On Your Happy Friends
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

You Need To Check On Your Friends Who Always Seem Happy — Trust Me, I'm One Of Them

Smiles hide the pain we're actually feeling.

594
You Need To Check On Your Friends Who Always Seem Happy — Trust Me, I'm One Of Them
Unsplash

These last few days, my mental health has not been the greatest. I've been crying on and off, my head is a jumble of emotions, and I'm not present in the moment when interacting with friends or even dancing. I have no energy, and no motivation (more so than usual at this point in the semester). My friends asked me what was wrong, but it's hard for me to convey into words what I was feeling.

I'm the friend who checks in on everyone, I'm the friend who cheers you up when you're sad.

But for a long time, no one ever checked in on me. I got really good at faking smiles, and smiling through my tears, saying "I'm fine guys, I'll be fine." And left it at that.

I was taught to be strong, I was raised by a redneck dad and an old school sophisticated mama. My mama showed her emotions all the time, but I learned from my dad — I never showed my emotions when I was upset. I kept them down because other people were breaking down and I had to be the strong one. I've only seen my dad cry maybe a total of five times in my 21 years on this earth. The most recent being when we lost his mom, my granny, in 2016, I got home from school, I cried the whole way home, but the minute I got home and saw dad crying. I shoved my feelings down and put on a brave face for my family. Even when I was little, when I cried, I tried to calm myself down quickly.

I hated and still hate crying in front of other people, that vulnerability is something I've never been comfortable with.

When I graduated high school not showing what I was feeling became worse, especially when I started college and began a new relationship.

College is stressful, everyone can agree with that, you're adjusting to living on your own for the first time, meeting new people, etc. Or if you are like me, you went to community college first to adjust to everything that comes with college. The workload was definitely different, it was heavier, more in-depth with thinking about a problem or a text you have read. For me, it was math and science that was my Achilles heel, I had no problem with my history or English classes but I couldn't focus when it came to numbers, and things such as biology. I struggled, I failed math three times, took it over the summer and finally made it up, same with biology. It wasn't pretty, and I thought about quitting a lot. I made it through, and I was really proud of myself, but there was still something eating away at me during that time.

My previous relationship did not have the best environment for mental health stability. For a while everything was fine, but after a few months, all his problems became my problems. Not our problems, but just my problems, and it overwhelmed me. I put on a smile though, my smile, and my happy attitude was my armor against people asking me if everything was alright in our relationship. Even now, nine months later, I still struggle to open up to my friends about how I'm feeling. It became a reflex to keep my own problems to myself so that I could focus on him and help him solve his own problems.

I keep a smile on my face and an upbeat personality to keep others from questioning if I'm OK.

I tell them "no I'm OK, how are you though? Everything going OK?" maybe it's a defense mechanism, wanting to worry about other people rather than worry about myself. Not facing my own internal problems is a big part of why vulnerability scares me — I'd rather put on a brave front than deal with my own inner turmoil. I stress out ninety percent of the time, and always manage to get things done, I tell my friends "I'll be fine, I just have to be dramatic first," which is true. But lately, I've had more trouble getting myself out of those dark spaces on my own.

I stay up so late wondering, and worrying about my future, my present, and my past, things that I can't even change. I couldn't tell you when the last time I got a full eight hours of sleep was, just this week I didn't even have the motivation to get up and go to my classes. I enjoy my classes, I love seeing my friends, discussing things in class, but lately, it feels like a chore. Briefly, even dancing seemed like a chore, my motivation was shot, but those people and that music started to help my headspace the minute I walked into the studio. I have my bad days, but always, always check on your friends who are always smiling. We struggle too, uplifting others is what helps us, but sometimes we need that extra reassurance that it's OK for us to break down every once and awhile.

I'm a lucky girl to have such amazing people in my life (y'all know who you are), here's the future, may it be filled with love, life, and possibilities.

Report this Content
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers

1122507

Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

711278
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series

733720
Netflix

Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

472849
Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

290317
Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?

431561

Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.

290092

Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

195044
Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments