Do you know what it feels like to look at things and people that you love and care about and feel sad, or even worse, nothing at all? Do you know what it feels like to lay in your bed at night feeling broken and helpless and you can’t figure out why? Do you know what it feels like to have your partner ask if you even love them anymore because you seem so distant all the time? Do you know what it feels like to feel empty? Do you know that people treat you differently once they know you suffer from depression? Depression is not simply sadness. Depression is a disease.
A “normal” person wakes up in the morning and heads off to their everyday classes or job. They come home, wind down, go to sleep, and repeat. That’s not how depression works. You wake up in the morning with no motivation to get out of bed because you feel like nothing you do that day will make anything better for you. But you get up anyway. You manage to get through the day, feeling either broken or empty, and not knowing which one is better to experience because they’re both that bad. You get home, and eventually try and go to sleep because you believe that being asleep is better than being awake, yet you aren’t able to fall asleep. You either lose your appetite and never feel like eating, or you indulge in ice cream and comfort foods. You wake up every day hoping that it will be just a little better than the last so you can have a glimmer of hope that it will get better.
One of the worst parts about depression is the way people treat you once they realize you suffer from it. On one hand, you have those that say “you just need to be more positive.” This is one of the most frustrating things you can say to a victim of depression. We try every single day to be positive and be happy but when you can’t even enjoy simple things that you used to enjoy, how do you just flip a switch and be happy again? Depression is not sadness. It’s a disease that takes time to recover from. And on the other hand, you have those who tell you to “see a therapist.” This was the hardest thing for me to do. I never opened up to anyone, and I was not about to tell a stranger all my secrets. I kept thinking, “How is this random lady going to tell me what’s best for me?” She gave me a prescription and I never went back to see her, nor did I take the pills. I didn’t like the thought of taking “happy pills” to change me. Lastly, you have the people that are constantly worrying about you. They love and care about you, but they act differently because they’re scared that something they do will set you off. Nothing is worse than having someone ask you “Are you okay?” every ten minutes. Yes, I am okay. Or at least I will be.
Sadness is short-term. Depression is a disease. They are not synonyms. You are not depressed because you couldn’t go out with your friends. You are not depressed because you finished your favorite TV show. You are not depressed because you didn’t get what you wanted for your birthday. Depression is a long-term disease that can take some people months to recover from and some people years. And even then, it never really completely goes away. So think about that next time you meet someone with depression. Think about that next time you say, “Ugh, that’s so depressing.” Because depression is more than sadness.
