You know that feeling when you can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel? When all of your goals and aspirations now seem like microscopic blips slowly fading into the past? Or when, no matter how hard you try, you just never feel good enough; not for society's standards, God's standards, or your own ideals. It's almost as if there's so much pressure placed on you to shine that you can't help but start burning out.
This feeling can often be described as, "rock bottom." It's a feeling I have known all too well throughout my twenty-one years of life. I also know too well just how many people experience these same feelings on a daily basis. For many people, this painful and gut-wrenching encounter tends to be a side-effect of one of the most prevalent and life-threatening phenomena found today; mental illness. However, even though mental health is often times highly individualized and subjective, there are a couple of things that you can always be sure of; you're not alone in these feelings, and there's nothing wrong with you for having them.
As a nation, the negative stigma surrounding mental health and disorders has gotten out of control. Ever since being diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety I have noticed just how many individuals fail to possess the characteristic of empathy, meaning that they are unable to bring themselves to even attempt to understand what the other person is feeling and experiencing. A lot of times when a person says that they're depressed, suicidal, or experiencing symptoms of one of the countless number of life-altering and complex mental disorders out there, their feelings end up getting mocked, downplayed, or even ignored.
This is why I'm here to tell you that what you're feeling is extremely real, probably one of the most real aspects of your life actually, at least at this moment in time. Everything you do, every thought you have, every plan you make, is revolved around these feelings; feelings of sadness, anger, loneliness, numbness, confusion, paranoia, exhaustion, self-hate, and even short periods of extreme happiness that can spontaneously come and go at its own torturous convenience. These feelings transform into your own personal demons and those demons slowly begin to consume your life, until you inevitably reach rock bottom...
One thing that I'm not here to do is tell you that there's a magical overnight fix, or that the transition to normalcy is always easy, because it's not. Some days will seem unbearable and close to impossible to get through. You might end up pushing people away or giving up parts of your life that you looked forward to in the past but now can't even fathom getting out of bed for. You'll feel alone at times, even when you're in a room filled with people. The sadness and anger can come in waves, sometimes seceding shortly after and other times lasting for days. The worst part of it all is that, for many people, these feelings generate for no specific reason at all. If you tell a friend that you're depressed, automatically their first instinct is to ask, "Why?" This question can feel like a swift punch to the gut, especially when you yourself can't even explain why you feel the way that you do.
The good news is that it does get better.
It might take weeks, months, or even years, but the light at the end of the tunnel will eventually come back into view. Your goals and your life as a whole will gradually begin to resemble what it used to be. You'll have days where you feel like you can conquer the world and you'll have days where you question how you ever had the energy to do basic activities like showering or eating. But just remember, it will get better.
Find your outlet; whether it be prayer, exercise, losing yourself in a book, or even using your mental health experiences to help others experiencing similar feelings. Go out and find the part of life that makes all of the sadness and negativity not only easier to overcome but even worth it at times. I always like to think that those who have spent parts of their life battling their own minds and inner selves have the ability to view the world through a different lens; one that reveals both the good and the evil of the world, of the human mind, and in turn allows the opportunity for one to develop a heightened sense of receptiveness to others' feelings both good and bad. This is how we develop an effective sense of empathy. This is how we end the stigma.
If these words have spoken to you in any way, or if you're experiencing anything that I've described, I urge you to find it within yourself to take the necessary steps unique to you and your own feelings that can get you started on the road to brighter days.
You're not alone, and it's not just in your head. Don't ever give up.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline
http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
1-800-273-8255
