When you're younger, life seems like it will last forever— time moves slow, memories are clear and everyday experiences are impactful. When you turn 20, you think that the next 10 years will last forever. Then life gets busy quickly— you move through education, relationships, career building, and paying bills. Days blend together. 30 seems like a scary distant number where you'll begin to get wrinkles and settle into a monotonous life. But as you mature, you start to lose that fear and begin to embrace the wisdom you are gaining and the legacy that you will one day leave. And before you know it, those 10 years have gone by like the blink of an eye.

I always looked at 30 with horror. When I turned 20, I thought my life would surely be over at 25. 30— well, just dig my grave. But as I start to approach this big 30, I look back at my 20-year-old self and laugh. I can't believe I thought like that. I'm still young but I am so much better than who I was then. I was a mess. And I've become thankful for all of the lessons I've learned and for the direction I want to take my life in now. The hardships I've gone through have taught me lessons that have made me who I am today. Those conquered obstacles make me swell with pride. Mostly, I've learned that life is a great balancing act. I don't have all of the answers but here's what my twenties have taught me. Perhaps I can share some knowledge with the early twenty-somethings that are beginning their journeys into adulting.

1. It's not all about partying and being the most popular person in the room.

I used to live my life from party to party. When I'd get out of school or off of work I was always looking for the next party or get together. "Who's doing what tonight?" I'd stay up late, drink, and surround myself with people who I thought were my friends. There was always drama. Someone was always getting into trouble and I always felt horrible, whether it be physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I was looking for relationships that were doomed to fail because they started in a terrible state that would never be able to turn into anything meaningful.

Even if I was the social butterfly or the life of the party, it was always superficial. I've learned that having a few really great close friends is always better than having 100 fake ones that don't really care about my well-being. Sure, I know a lot of great people but I've learned that self-disclosure is a slippery slope and part of being really good at adulting is being aware of that. Unfortunately, there is still gossip among adults and it's best to be mindful of that because gossip can turn into far bigger problems when you're in the adult world. Chose your close friends wisely and be careful of what you say with acquaintances. Going out with friends every now and then is still fun to do, but partying all of the time is not doable if you want to succeed in college or hold down a great career. If that makes me not so cool anymore, then so be it.

2. If you want success, you are going to have to work for it.

Good things don't come to those who wait. You have to go out and put your everything into education and work. You have to research education options, job positions, and every possible opportunity that is available and then you have to spend the long nights studying and put the time into earning degrees. You have to build an epic resume and you need to network. You can't sit on your couch and watch TV and expect a big paycheck. It's not easy, but anything worth anything shouldn't be. The best feeling is when you've succeeded after truly putting your all into something.

3. Let go of people and situations that are keeping you from your best potential.

Whether it's relationships, addiction, or just bad habits— if something isn't right, then red flags will keep popping up right in front of your face. Sometimes it's the hardest thing in the world to let go. You might love someone so much that you are hanging on for dear life, but if hanging onto them means trouble for you, you have to cut the cord. You have to cut of all communication, all reminders, and let yourself heal. You might be an amazing person in so many ways in your life but you have one toxic problem. They may be an amazing person, but the two of you together are just a hurricane of toxicity. Sometimes that's life's way of letting us know that it's just not right— you're not meant to have that person in your life. The same goes with an interest or pastime. If you're so into something that it consumes too much of your time and you can't focus on things that you need to to be successful in life— you've got to cut that out as well. We only have so many hours in the day. As you get busier it seems like those hours get shorter. You have to plan your time in a way that is going to be most beneficial for you. If it isn't good for your health, well-being, or success, let it go.

4. Take care of yourself.

It's not selfish to make sure that you are okay, it is a necessity. I used to get so caught up in worrying about other people that I would physically get worn down and even sick. I used to take everyone else's burdens on myself. I gave so much of myself that it only ended up getting me into trouble. I had to make sure that I didn't allow myself to get sucked into others' black holes anymore and that I set aside time to take care of me. Saying no doesn't mean you don't care or make you a horrible person. Even if it's as simple as a few minutes of quiet time in the morning before work, or going to the gym a couple of times a week. Eat healthy, drink tons of water— relax, buy something for yourself now and then. Take a bubble bath, have a glass of wine, meditate, do whatever works for you, but if you are starting to feel worn down, recognize it and make yourself a priority. You can still care for others but if you don't take care of you, you definitely aren't going to be able to care for them very well. You only have one body and mind— maintain them, you aren't invincible.

5. Finances are extremely important.

I didn't take the time to learn about things like interest rates, how to keep up my credit score, or saving for the future until recently. I wish I had done this when I turned 18. If you have a good credit score, every door is open. If you have your finances in order, your stress level goes down drastically. Keep track of what you spend— budget and plan. If you are in control of your money it won't control you.

6. You can't just blow things off.

In your early twenties you don't have a whole lot of responsibility. You can often put things off or just not do them. If you do that later in life it can be disastrous. You have to do paperwork, take your exams, file your taxes, take care of your vehicle, take your pets to the vet, take your kids to check-ups, pay your house and utility bills, put in your time sheets, go to your yearly medical exams, pay child care. You could end up audited, in jail, broke, homeless, your vehicle can break down, your kids could end up in CPS— you have to adult.

7. Don't look for someone who will better your life; that person is you.

Having a good life partner can be amazing but the truth is that no one person can complete you. Though they can fulfill some of the needs you have, no one person can be everything that you need and are missing. True happiness and contentment comes from within. Everyone is their own person with their own perceptions and feelings. The only one that can completely understand you and know what you want and need is you. Don't expect that from another person. A long-term relationship is tough. It takes a lot of communication, forgiveness, and growing together. If you are wondering why you are not finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, you may need to look within yourself and find what you need to be happy with yourself first. There is so much more power in loving yourself, if you do then you can better love someone else.

8. Life is not about things.

I used to be so materialistic, I wanted to buy everything. Now I'm trying to get rid of things. Life is so busy that it's just more difficult to clean and organize a bunch of stuff anyway. Through having a family I started to realize that it wasn't about the stuff around me but about the people around me. Stuff is just stuff. It doesn't matter. As long as we can get the things done that we need to, then I am thankful. As long as we are safe, clothed, fed, and warm or cool when we need to be, then I couldn't ask for more. I've come to realize just how lucky my family and I are compared to so many people around the world. You start to think more about these things as you mature as well.

9. Family will always be family.

We all come from families that have their quirks. Some more than others. People are people. Some of us come from families we are close with. Others come from very dysfunctional ones. You can't change them but you can accept them while still being who you want to in your own life. As we grow we begin to form our own ideas about what we believe and how we want to live. You don't have to be just like your family but you can still love them— and even if you don't have a great relationship with family members, they are and will always be your family. You have to find a way to accept them for who they are and try to make it work as much as possible while still staying in control of your vision for your own life. This isn't always easy but it is essential to find that balance, especially if and when you have children. Family is important. Children need to know where they belong and they care deeply about their family— they don't see anything but love, so unless a family member is truly a danger for children to be around, try to set aside disagreements and communicate with family members in order to get along with each other.

10. Resiliency is the most important tool in life.

Everyone runs into obstacles. Everyone goes through their own personal and professional struggles, but if you can get back up and try again, time after time, then you are set. Life is about starting over a million times. It is ever-changing. Every time you think that things are going one way, a funny wind will swoop down and spin you around. If you hit that rock bottom, pile those rocks up and climb out. When the rocks fall and take you with them, pile them up and climb out again. That is how life works. Once I began to understand that, I didn't even hit the bottom anymore, I just grabbed onto something and started climbing up as I was falling. I know that it's never easy but worrying and breaking down doesn't remedy any situation— strength and determination does. Strategy does. If something isn't working, it's time to find something that will work.

Enjoy your twenties. Being young and having fun is a beautiful thing. And you will make many mistakes— but those mistakes are eventually going to help shape the person that you want to be. And you will look around you one day, when time has passed you by much more quickly than you anticipated, and you will be thankful for every fall.