Just hear me out before all the adults reading this roll their eyes and think, "You still have a long way to go, kid."
It just dawned on me that in two weeks I turn twenty years old. While it may not be as socially significant as the Big 2-1, it is the start of a new decade - as well as the end of an old one. They always say you have to live and learn - and I plan to keep on living and learning - so here are ten summed up lessons that I'm willing to share about the past two decades:
1. Being yourself shouldn't be as hard as everyone makes it out to be.
Sometimes, it definitely can be - especially when you make big transitions like high school, college, or finding your first major job. But when things get overwhelming, take a step back and remind yourself that you got this far in life by being true to yourself, so why stop now? (And if you haven't, start now!) Find who you are, and take pride in knowing it.
2. You don't have to be everyone's best friend.
Growing up, I was the queen of people-pleasing, so I know from experience how good it can feel to make other people happy. But, I also know the consequences of putting yourself last in the process. You shouldn't have to sacrifice any piece of who you are, what you want, or what you stand for just to make someone smile. I wish I knew then that not everyone will like me, no matter how hard I tried to change that, and that I could say "No" without feeling bad about it.
3. People will always be intimidated by a person with drive.
I was always told that as long as you play fair with others, it's okay to go after what you want. Consequently, you will be called something along the lines of "pushy," "bossy," or "picky" for it. You can earn respect without demanding it, but it's a fact of life that people get ants in their pants when they feel intimidated. Be humble and kind, but don't be afraid to be a force of nature.
4. Don't let someone belittle what you love.
I'm all about showing vs. telling, but sometimes you have to stick up for yourself and the things you love. Instead of talking a big game to the people who told me I'd crash and burn as a martial artist, I let them talk their smack and instead showed them that I could do it. However, as I got older I got much less tolerant of people telling me being a social worker would get me nowhere financially. That has never been, nor will it ever be, my main priority. In case nobody has noticed, the world needs a lot of social justice advocates right now.
5. Always remember to say "I love you."
We may see this one re-posted on our Facebook feeds a lot, but it's something you should never take lightly. Sometimes, we forget that we're not invincible. As much as it's great to live every moment like it's our last, we also have to remember that for some of us, it could actually be our last. My grandfather passed away from cancer when I was thirteen, and it all happened so quickly that I didn't even know that the last time I saw him alive would be our last goodbye. So always hug your friends, kiss your family members, thank your favorite professor or coach, and tell people you miss them and are thinking of them. It means everything, believe me.
6. You alone can only control so much.
Whether you're spiritual or not, we all depend on each other somehow! The world certainly doesn't stop at our convenience, and nobody is perfect. There's no way you can always answer every test question right, play a perfect game every weekend, or even say the right things all the time. I've learned that sometimes you need to cut yourself some slack, and let some things be. After all, tomorrow is a new day.
7. Grades are important, but so are you.
In elementary school and high school, I was able to get away with being a real stickler about my grades. In 8th grade, I somehow had the energy to buckle down over every subject until I had it down. By senior year of high school, it was a lot harder to throw so much of myself into one quiz, but I still tried my hardest. But by the end of freshmen year of college, I knew I had to pick and choose my battles. That doesn't mean you shouldn't study or just throw in the towel, but your mental health needs to stay intact. And, you need to have some fun, for God's sake! As important as that Western Civ final is, studying for 36 hours straight won't suddenly make you Einstein and allow you to memorize the textbook. Whenever I felt a burnout or a breakdown coming on, I used to power through it, but now I take a minute to recharge. Minor things such as going for a walk, calling home, watching a funny movie, or taking a hot shower can really go a long way.
8. Be your own biggest critic, but also your own best friend.
Failing that test you wanted so badly to ace or bombing the big game is upsetting and frustrating, but it doesn't mean that you're stupid or any less of a person than you would've been, had you succeeded with flying colors. Take each failure as a learning experience of what to work on for next time, but also acknowledge what you did right. Anyone who knows me knows that nobody is harder on me than myself and that I hate feeling like a disappointment, whether it's to myself or others. There's nothing worse for me than letting people down. But I also know when to let up on myself, because I know that I can't afford for each obstacle I encounter to eat away at me. So when you get upset and frustrated, let yourself ride out the bad mood. But go to sleep at night telling yourself that if you worked hard and stayed motivated, then you've already won, because "hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard."
9. With privilege comes responsibility.
I heard this phrase almost every day in high school, but I never realized how much truth it bore until I left for college. Even in high school, I participated in community service and mission trips because I felt secure knowing that my actions could help make someone's day just a little bit easier. I knew it was important to utilize the resources many of us take advantage of. I learned that my privilege - a good home, a loving and supportive family, and the opportunity to attend a Catholic college preparatory high school - also came with the responsibility to give back to those who don't even have so much as a place to sleep, a place to shower or a hot meal to eat. I chose to study social work, not because of the "terrible income" it would bring me, but in hopes of being able to live out this motto every day. There's no denying that life sucks sometimes. We have a lot of issues going on in our world today. Our problems are real and legitimate, and we can't turn a blind eye, but we have to remember that life can also be really great. We have a lot to smile about, rather than be bitter about.
10. You are not responsible for other people (...except your children!).
Always remember that it's not up to you to "fix" everything. I have always been a Class-A example of a "Miss Fix-It", but sometimes letting go and taking a step back is necessary to improve as a person. I have also learned that you can't save people from themselves or their problems. There's nothing wrong with trying to help and empathize, but you can still be there for the people you love without being their life coach. They can pay someone for that! Seriously, if you're always solving their issues for them, how will they ever learn to do it themselves? Better yet, how will you have the time or energy to focus on yourself? People change, attitudes change, and beliefs change. It's perfectly okay not to be the same people we once were, as long as we're happy with the direction we're headed in. Even though my agenda is my lifeline at school, I love having a structured schedule to follow, and I love my family traditions, I have also learned to enjoy being spontaneous with my friends and spending weekends deciding what to do by the hour. I've learned to be responsible without being too uptight because change - as much as I despise it - is necessary and inevitable.
So even though I've only just begun "real life", here's to the first twenty years and everything they've taught me. And here's to what the next twenty will bring my way!
