Anxiety is something more people go through than not. Everyone experiences anxiety in their own way. I have been dealing with anxiety longer than I actually thought I was. I thought it was normal to stress over school work or worrying if someone liked me.
Overthinking:
My mind is CONSTANTLY on the on switch. When you think I am just being quiet, I am thinking. There are hundreds of situations, dreams, and questions going through my mind. It does not matter if I am worrying about. Overthinking has lead to sleepless nights and headaches. I worry like there is no tomorrow.
I honestly wish I could fix my anxiety for good, but I cannot. The only thing I can do is work hard everyday to better myself. Going to therapy is a key ingredient in helping my anxiety.
Anxiety for me is becoming anxious when I am in big or abnormal crowds.
Anxiety is me scratching my arms so bad I look like I'm on drugs because I'm so nervous.
Anxiety for me is making sure that no one is mad at me or hates me.
Anxiety is constantly worrying about what I'm doing in 2 hours or 2 weeks from now.
Anxiety is what keeps me in my bed in the mornings because I do not want to leave the house.
Anxiety keeps me from doing ambitious and crazy things.
SCHOOL.
I put the pressure on myself to keep a 3.9 GPA.
MONEY.
I almost pay for EVERYTHING on my own. Being a big girl is hard. Yes, I do get to buy what I want, but sometimes I cannot. I must manage and safe my money wisely. Sometimes I just sit in my car and cry. I have TOO much on my shoulders, we all do. We all do, but in different ways.
People expect so much of me.
They except me to be perfect, they might not admit it, but it feels like it.
Don't get pregnant, don't date a loser, don't fail a class, don't date anyone, do not fall behind, buy a house when you can, pick up shifts, babysit.... It gets exhausting.
However, I am someone who cannot stay still.
I am a perfectionist.
I am an overachiever.
I am a people pleaser.
I am not good at doing makeup.
I cannot bake a cookie to save my life.
I cannot always please people at work.
I don't have a perfect body.
I have a passion for being with kids.
I love doing good in school.
I love putting a smile on people's faces.
I love getting Starbucks.
I am slowly working at being happy. One day I think I am all in check, the next day I don't know how I was able to brush my hair. We all have these days. We need to realize that even the people who appear to be the happiest, are not the happiest. When you see me wearing leggings, you know I am not feeling it. Others just chug on through the day.
Panic Attacks are the enemy.
Suddenly all of your worries turn to one big ball of worry in your mind. The big ball of worry turns into chest pains. Those chest pains make you feel as if you cannot breathe and you're going through a panic attack. You lay in your bed in the fetal position as if you can never stand up straight again. The tears won't stop, you are constantly tasting salty tears. Breathing... What is that again? You feel helpless, like there's no one there. Even if someone's there, no words can fix the pain you feel.
Anxiety is HARD.
