Wednesday, a horrible pain in my throat, scared and worried about school. Once, such a common thing to do. Going to the nurse and then finding my mom in the cafeteria while she was there for a school activity. “Mommy, my throat hurts, I want to go home. I don’t want to get sick again.” “Just tough it out, you’re fine, you’ll be okay.” I just went back upstairs to my classroom and finish the day. Out of the cafeteria I walked, down the hallway past all the artwork of the younger grades, past the clear library windows. That walk, that simple talk with my mom would soon start the longest, toughest part of my life, but the most powerful experience I would have. My first personal experience with mental health.
I was diagnosed in the third grade.
“Anxiety Disorder. “
It made it hard for me to do normal activities that any other person could do. I was scared. Scared to walk into a building once so familiar but now i felt so lost. The small, two level brick building, buses and cars pulling up to the front door, letting children in little red and khaki uniforms running into school to start their day. A beautiful day, a clear sky with puffy white clouds. There I was, in my mom’s white Ford Explorer. Sitting in the backseat, crying and shaking. Begging my mom to take me home. Screaming in fear of the thought of going into School. A daily activity that I had done every day, without a thought. I was paralyzed. Paralyzed in fear of walking through those big clear doors.
“Elena you have to go. You have to give it a try.” Those words felt like needles in my ears. “I don’t want to go mom, I can’t!”
Now I am in college. I’m a sophomore at La Salle University. I never knew the people that I would meet in this extraordinary school, would make such a difference in my life. My junior year of high school was a year that would change my life forever. I met people who would strengthen me in ways I could never imagine. The beginning of Junior year I had met someone that would change my life and help me to forget the struggles of my anxiety. Someone that would become a huge part of my life. Just one simple person that understood me in ways that I never thought anyone could. Someone who would always be there for me. Someone that understood me and gave me strength. Someone who saw me at my worst and although they could not handle it sometimes, they stood by me and loved me with a love stronger than I ever thought I deserved. Someone who for 8 months gave me an outlet and an escape from the pain of my anxiety and depression. This person is a huge support system for me and has truly helped me become stronger in ways that are unexplainable. I cannot thank them enough for the help they have given to me. So if you are reading this, and you know who you are, Thank You. I cannot explain just how crucial you were to the good in my life.
Through the years I had been through many hardships with my anxiety. Many times I have felt torn down. I have felt like anxiety has taken over my life. Although I have been through so many hardships due to anxiety, each time I have risen and gained more strength from every hard time. Anxiety may try to break me down, but it has not succeeded. I think of anxiety as a game for me. It is my opponent. Just like in a track meet for example. You are racing against many other people. Your opponents are competing against you to try to beat you. Sometimes you may not win. But from each loss, you get up stronger, striving to do your best next time. Anxiety is just like this. It has pushed me down many times, but each time I am stronger than the last. Having anxiety practically all my life has taught me to have strength and to be positive. Those three words have such a strong meaning to me. Anxiety has taught me many lessons, but the main lesson that I’ve learned is to Never Give Up. It has helped me to become a stronger person and have whole new outlook on life. It has helped me to grow and push through anything and everything. I am now stronger than I have ever been. Anxiety is My Struggle, and My Strength.
