People always say that one of the scariest parts about dating is that you are either going to marry that person or break up. Well, to be honest, I never thought the latter was ever going to be an option with the last person I dated. Even though I am just shy of 20 years old, this guy had me completely wrapped around his finger and at his disposal. One day he would be writing romantic song lyrics about me and discuss the next 10 years of our lives together; then the next night I would find texts he shouldn’t have been sending and receiving from girls, and to top it all off, I would be told that I essentially wasn’t enough for him and I was broken up with yet again.

The breakups would never last too long. My friends and I would slowly start to pick up all of my broken pieces, and I would begin to feel like myself again. He always took this as his cue to come right back into my life. And I can’t even fully say it was his fault -- I was the one that welcomed him back in with open, loving arms because I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

I saw him at his weakest points, and I stayed. I witnessed his rage where he said and threatened me with some unbelievably harsh things, that I still can’t fully bring myself to talk about. I also suffered through days of ignored texts and calls. In order to “not hurt me," he would shift his attention to other girls in order to distract himself. Now, you tell me, which one is worse?

That’s what this all was for him, a distraction. A distraction from himself. He once told me he owed me so much for opening his eyes and making him see the real flaws in himself that he needed to work on. I believe that, to this day, he meant that. However, I can’t let that excuse the damage he did.

I lost sight of who I was for over a year. Relationships with friends and family were damaged because any free time I had was either spent with him in fear of what he would do if I wasn’t in sight or crying over him. Many had given up on trying to get me to just get up and leave that toxic relationship because I would never fail to be at his defense. My grades suffered because I wasn’t able to focus in lectures if he was in my class (side note: never schedule a class with a significant other) or to sit myself down and study when it was time for exams. My weekend nights were either spent with him at home or waiting for a too-drunk call in the middle of the night so I could safely take him home. I just was the furthest thing from myself and I was in far too deep to tell.

There were many times where we broke up that my friends thought I had hit my breaking point and that I would be the one to leave, but that never happened. It wasn’t until a couple of months ago that I realized the relationship was over. He got out of my car and walked away for the last time after screaming at me louder than he ever had before, and he left me there, sobbing, and begging him to stay. I had hit my rock bottom and I knew I needed to make a change.

I’m not going to lie; it truly was heart-wrenching at first because I knew deep down that this was finally over and I would never feel his arms wrapped around me again. There are still times now where he’ll briefly cross my mind, but it doesn’t consume me like it used to. I’ll think about our goofy inside jokes and I’ll always hope that his mom is doing well and that she still views me in a positive light because she had always been so incredible to me.

It’s a shame that the relationship ended the way it had -- with many unspoken words and no real goodbye. I have now come to see this as the blessing in disguise that I had never expected. I may have fallen seven times, but that just means that I was able to stand up eight times. I surrounded myself with my loving friends and their strength, compassion, and ambition empowered me to strive to become that better version of myself I was seeking.

I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, but it didn’t begin to be debilitating until I had that one person in my life and then the anxiety started to overpower me. My anxiety went from solely mental, to also physical anxiety attacks and many social and everyday activities were a struggle -- I found it much easier to just lay in bed and be alone. I decided it was time to push myself out of my comfort zone and I began to put myself out there. I joined a sorority, which has truly become one of the best decisions of my life as I am constantly in awe of the amazing accomplishments of my sisters, which only pushes me forward.

In less than a month I will be studying abroad and exploring the world with one of my best friends by my side. I opened myself up to the opportunity to have a fun-filled and worry-free summer in one of the most beautiful and culturally rich countries in the world, and my home away from home: Greece. To top it all off, I am staying after my program to travel across Europe with my friend, an adventure that may not have been possible if I was still bound to this significant other.

Since I've begun to focus on myself and what makes me happy, my life has completely transformed. My anxiety has significantly lowered, enabling me to push myself through formal recruitment, planning two months abroad, and so much more. My friends have seen me at my worst, and now they say they have never seen me more confident and happy -- two adjectives that I previously found to be impossible to use to describe myself. My grades have increased, even as my economics courses get harder and I'm truly and finally living my life with a healthy body, mind, and outlook.

I have shared my journey in hopes that others, like myself, can use past experiences as a way to grow, and become a stronger, more independent individual. What’s done is done; we cannot change the past or any person other than ourselves, or control our future. We can, however, live in the present and look bright-eyed into the future as we open ourselves to all the beautiful things life has to offer.