What I Want For Christmas Since I Can't Have Noah Centineo

To All The Santas I've Loved Before, Here's My Christmas List, Since Noah Centineo Won't Fit In My Stocking

"To All The Boys I've Loved Before" on DVD fits though...


It's the most wonderful time of year people, it's Christmas time! As every person both young and old knows, it's time to make lists and go shopping for friends and family, and hope that their credit cards and piggy banks don't turn into barren wastelands. As a broke single college girl, all I can ask for in the world is Noah Centineo, the absolute model of male perfection for so many girls throughout the world.

Now, of course, I can't ask jolly old Saint Nick to abduct Noah and bring him to me for Christmas because that would simply be insane. I guess I'll just have to ask for these other things instead.

1. A Dunkin gift card with, I don't know, a thousand dollars on it?

I'm trying my best to kick the habit, but going to Dunkin is something I rely on because dining hall food actually turns your stomach into slop. Dunkin gets me through 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. in the library Saturday and Sunday before and during finals, so having a thousand dollar gift card would mean so much!

2. No more fire alarms being triggered at ungodly hours next semester

Stop burning your popcorn and your rice, you obnoxious people. Seriously. I don't appreciate being awoken from my slumber by your foolery. This isn't a stocking stuffer but it would really make my last semester living on campus great.

3. Victorian literature to quench my thirst for 19th Century romance

Sweep me off thine feet, oh handsome but faulted protagonist! I want to smell that new book smell while I dive nose deep into a romance that will make me forget how painfully single I am this holiday season. Jane Austen, I'm looking at you girl.

4. "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" on DVD

Please... It fits in my stocking and everything!

5. "Sweet But Psycho" to stop taking over my brain

Santa, leave me some memory erasing cookie or something because I can't function without listening to this song six times a day. I have a problem Santa, I really do.

6. Fuzzy socks that I can't get enough of

I don't care what they look like or where they are from, but I will ask you to find them and put them in my stocking until it overflows.

7. A French Bulldog puppy

I will name him Brian and if it's a girl her name is Mia. I want one, but two would be great! Please, Santa, they'll fit in my stocking quite well.

8. Scrunchies of all prints and fabrics

Scrunchies are a collector's item for millennial women. They serve as both wrist candy and a means to keep your hair out of your face when you have things to do. I'll take them all.

9. A pretty phone case, even if it's not protective

Something with glitter, or maybe stars or something hipster and trendy because I love to be on point and fashion forward. My phone case right now is cute but she's taking a beating. Time for a new one!

10. Motts Fruit Snacks because I'm addicted

Yes, I am five and no I have no shame in admitting this is one of the best foods in the world. I can eat these as my last meal and I'd die a happy woman.

11. Black high top converse

These are sooooo cute and they'd go with everything I own. So when I want to just dress straight fifty shades of black, these can complete my look.

12. Rest because the bags under my eyes are not designer

My body has taken a beating this semester and I'd love the gift of rest. It's free and it goes to a great cause.

13. Cute winter clothes to stunt on my haters

All of my haters can continue looking like trash while I rise above and look fabulous. Cute clothes are essential and I can always use more, because I always have to look my best, unless its finals, by then I don't care.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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9 Popular Teas With Health Benefits

Tea is nature's medicine that provides many benefits to those who drink it.


Almost every tea has health benefits. Most teas are similar in their health benefits but each one promotes something different. Some might be better at helping you fall asleep and others are more helpful in reducing cold symptoms. Almost all teas, however, help to reduce bloating. Anyway, here's the tea, sis.

1. Green tea

Green tea contains many antioxidants that aid in boosting metabolic rate, lowering risk of disease, and promote weight loss. Green tea also aids in reducing stomach aches from bloating.

2. Peppermint tea

Peppermint tea helps fight common cold symptoms including headaches, sinus problems, and soothing an upset stomach (including bloating). This tea also helps sooth menstrual cramps, anxiety, strengthens the immune system, and reduces bad breath.

3. Lemon tea

Lemon tea is good for detoxifying the body. It contains antiviral and anti-bacterial properties which help in removing wastes and toxins in the bloodstream and prevents diseases.

4. Black tea

Black tea helps to improve intestinal, blood, and cholesterol health. Black tea contains antioxidants that promote a healthy body.

5. Ginger tea

Ginger tea aids in relieving nausea, bloating, reducing inflammation, reducing respiratory cold symptoms, and reducing menstrual cramps.

6. Chai tea

Chai tea helps to reduce nausea and promote better digestion. It also helps with weight loss as this tea contains protein to induce the feeling of being full.

7. Earl Grey tea

Earl Grey tea helps fight oral infections, anxiety and depression, and improves digestion and increases energy.

8. Lavender tea

Lavender tea improves quality of sleep, reduces inflammation, improves respiratory health, and improves digestion.

9. Chamomile tea

Chamomile tea helps improve quality of sleep, reduce inflammation, and promotes digestive health. This tea is also good for reducing bloating.

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