I was sitting with my friend in class one day, going through my list of applications and potential colleges.

“Where's U of I?” He asked, and flipped through my spreadsheet of neatly organized schools.

“Oh, I'm not applying there,” I answered, laughing at the incredulous look on his face.

I can't remember exactly when I first used the term “ghosts” to describe my hometown. Ever since I've started, it's been a perfect representation of my desire to leave my hometown, and potentially my home state.

My hometown is a mix of small city, big town. It's small enough that most kids end up in one of four area high schools, but big enough that I only know maybe 800 of these thousands of kids. There's at least five McDonald's, two Thai restaurants less than a minute away, and six public pools. We have one carnival for a week during the summer, and one (constantly changing) movie theatre.

The problem with this, is that everywhere I go, there are memories tied to it. Sure, some of them are really great, but some of them are quite the opposite. It's hard to love the Oberweis that's a ten minute drive down the street, when I have very clear memories of eating breakup ice cream at the bleachers across the street.

The places aren't the problem, at the end of the day, it's the people. I absolutely adore my friends, and I love the people I've met at school. I don't have anything bad to say about the people I associate with now, they're the best people I've ever met. It becomes a problem when the people I've stopped associating with make it hard to have fun with the people I do. That's where the term ghosts came in.

Think of it like a haunted house. There's good ghosts (spirits) and bad ghosts (demons and poltergeists). Just like in a real haunted house, there's always more demons than spirits. There are good ghosts; my friends, my family, the teachers who have helped shape me. I'm never going to be running from them because I have every intention of staying in contact with them.

The demons and poltergeists are what fuel my desire to leave. You can't grow as a person if you're being boxed in by people who don't want to see you succeed. Everyone needs to get away sometimes.

So don't be surprised when I say I'm not applying to U of I or UIC, I promise I'll come home for Christmas, I could never leave Illinois for good.