I was 20 before I had my first date, and I’m okay with that.
To me, dating was something that needed to be taken seriously. I learned this over the years I spent dateless, by my own means or just little interest from the guys I knew or liked. I’ll admit I was a bigger girl; I liked horror movies and playing video games. I also had a dirty sense of humor that most wouldn’t believe. I embraced what I liked and myself.
But, there was a time where I wished I could be different, skinnier, prettier, and more or less just going on dates or having a boyfriend. I never had a boy to take me to prom, never had one to hold my hand during a scary movie. It was a helpless feeling year after year seeing friends going in and out of relationships and not having one myself. It was also hard when you had a younger brother going on more dates than you. It may have just been me, maybe my pickiness, years of self-loathing and expectations of what I wanted in a boyfriend. I can honestly look back and see how immature I was to the idea, and how grateful I am for waiting.
It wasn’t until after I graduated high school that I began to accept where I was in life. I saw girls deciding on colleges because of whom they were dating, I saw some begin families instead of going to school. I still held a bit of jealousy, because going through those major moments in life hold a special place for someone who is willing to be by your side. Yet, I wasn’t resenting them, but finding myself learning through them. I began community college and didn’t meet anyone there. I found myself more invested on improving myself as a student, taking classes more seriously because I had to. I was coming to realize that I could do these things, that I could live life, on my own.
When I say on my own, I have to admit I wasn’t alone. I still have wonderful friends and family who are here to support me. I simply mean I just didn’t have a boyfriend during those times of my life, and I began to like it that way. Being single didn’t seem bad anymore because I was finding myself accomplishing more as an independent woman. This held true for when I finally transferred into a four-year university with a 3.8 GPA from my community college.
Upon choosing my career path, my life journey was beginning. Transferring to a university where I knew no one was a big step for me. There was also keeping a job, which by living at home made it easier, because my job was located right down the road. It was here where my journey changed, because the man I had been waiting for was working right around the corner from me.
Relationships, by definition, state, “the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other. A romantic or sexual friendship between two people, or, the way in which two or more people or things are connected.”
I find that the last part of that definition to hold true. I was 20 before I had my first date, and I’m okay with that. I was at a stage in my life where I wasn’t looking for a special someone anymore; I was being me and not apologizing for it. When my boyfriend and I met, something clicked. Our connection started slow, meeting through a mutual friend. Then it grew to date nights and celebrations with families, to bringing coffee to one another. Our relationship came from similar backgrounds though; we were in the process of working on ourselves before trying to work on relationships with others.
During this journey I found a man who was willing to embark on it with me, and how I was able to help push him to follow his personal dreams as well. As I’ve come to realize, waiting for dating isn’t as bad as it seems. You are only as lonely as you define yourself to be. If you can find comfort within yourself, you will then find comfort in the one who wants to give it to you nonstop.
We’ve been together for almost 2 years (Christmas will be our anniversary), and I am proud to have waited to be with him.
Dating isn’t everything. You still learn the same lessons no matter what age you start. I found that being in my 20s still hold life lessons I am trying to tease out on my own. You may feel despair or discouraged because the guy or girl you like might not like you back, and that is okay. Figuring yourself out first puts you in a better state of mind, makes you see your goals, and it’s not selfish to have goals only you want to complete. It makes you stronger, makes you smarter, and in the end it makes you appreciate life so much more when the right one does come along, you realize that you haven’t missed out. It’s a whole new feeling each time you meet someone that makes your heart flutter, a feeling that even if you’ve never dated or have had multiple dates, if you’ve taken time to know who you are, then making the time to know who they are will be a greater adventure.
