The holidays have come and gone, now it’s just about time for everyone to start announcing their unrealistic new years resolutions on Facebook, as if anyone cares. The concept of a new years resolution is a great thing until people start shoving their unrealistic goals down your throat. A resolution should be an achievable goal meant to improve upon the person you are today, in hopes of bettering yourself for the future. The more realistic the goal, the more you will actually strive to achieve it, so why is it that every year people set these asinine goals for themselves that in reality everyone knows they will never achieve? Let's discuss a few of the most common unrealistic new years resolutions.
- “I’m going to get in shape”
- I think this is probably the most common new years resolution. Without fail, every year at least one person you know will attempt this and inevitably end up not losing any weight and looking exactly the same as they always have. These people will flood the gym for the month of January and then somehow wind up on line at Dunkin Donuts every morning of February. As for me? Sure as hell won’t catch me at the gym unless they start serving mozzarella sticks after every exercise.
- “I’m going to eat healthy”
- This one usually comes from your friend who might as well move into Taco Bell to save money on gas. They’ll eat salad for about a week and then realize how much better a burger tastes and suddenly be perfectly content with their shitty eating habits.
- “I’m going to get more sleep”
- There is absolutely no chance this lasts more than a few days. Sure, the idea of going to bed earlier and waking up refreshed sounds fantastic but, Netflix. There are so many distractions to keep you from sleeping chances are you’ll be back to that 2 a.m. bedtime in no time.
- “I’m going to try to be nicer, a better person, etc.”
- This one generally comes from the girl that used to shove crayons in the pencil sharpener just to piss everyone off. Even if she started being nice now it would take her about 37 and a half years to make amends with all of the people she’s wronged. Bitch, you might as well keep going, at least it’s warm in hell.
- “I’m going to stop spending and start saving my money.”
- This sounds like it could be a fantastic idea, it would be great to stop receiving notifications that my bank account balance is in the negative. But then of course I get drunk and even the most ridiculous purchases seem rational. Oh, $40 for a reusable water bottle? Wow, that sounds like something I need. Then of course there is no avoiding the drunken food, which somehow consumes about 90% of my monthly budget. Guess I’m going to be poor forever.
Lets face it; if you really want to make a change in your life you can do that at any point during the year. On the other hand, waiting until the New Year gives me the chance to sit back, sip my tea and watch everyone fail at their resolutions. New year, new me am I right?
