I remember looking down at my thighs as I sat cross-legged on my bed. There was a picture on my phone of a girl I knew in middle school. She was in a bathing suit, her perfectly wavy hair flowing down around her shoulders. I remember seeing her legs and thinking "why are her thighs the same size as my upper arm?" I looked down at my own, and poked at them. From the picture, it appeared she had no fat on her body, and when I touched my legs, there was a jiggle- not a lot, but a definite motion... you know, the one that comes from fat. My soul sank as I realized that this wasn't even a photo of a celebrity; this was a girl that I knew, and I began to feel like maybe I should look like that. The image appeared attainable, and to add insult to injury, the caption read "eating twice my body weight on this trip." I'm not entirely sure what twice this girl's body weight is, but if I had to guess, I would put it somewhere around the amount of food I eat for first breakfast before my 9:00 class.

I was never someone who felt super insecure about my body. In fact, until I came to college, I never really questioned my weight or the fact that my hair was always curlier than the necessary level. After about a month of photos popping up on my Instagram feed, however, I became self aware in more ways than I even knew were possible. My eyes, my hair, my skin tone, and my weight all became items of scrutiny. They were no longer things I felt were unique about myself. Instead, they became everything I didn't want to be. I wanted long, straight hair, and I wanted to have a thigh gap. It all felt achievable to me because there were people I knew who looked like that. I mean there were even people in my 8:00 a.m. classes who looked like that. I found myself glued to my phone, desperate to figure out their secrets and desperate to look like them. In my eyes, I was inadequate in every facet of my physical appearance, and I needed to change myself to fit in with the girls around me who all look like they wear a size 2.

I didn't even realize I had a problem until one day at the dining hall, my friend asked me why I was always on Instagram. I hesitated for a moment, but then finally told him what I was feeling like. When I finished, he looked at me for a few moments and said words I probably will never forget: "How much do you weigh? Like 105?" I couldn't contain my laughter. I did an actual, real life spit take, and my water came up my nose. I weigh between 130 and 140 typically, depending on how good the cookies are in the dining hall in a given week. My friend looked at me, though, and I realized his sincerity. He actually thought I looked 105 pounds. I was astounded, and my insecurities were by no means instantly fixed, but I knew what I had to do to fix them.

That night, I went through the people I follow on Instagram, and I unfollowed every person who has ever made me question myself from their pictures. It was hard because a lot of these people were genuine, kind people who I have known for years, but I knew I needed to do it for myself. After doing this, my feed was sparse, and I wanted to fill it with something that I knew would lift my spirits every time I opened the app. I ran through the things I love in the world. The list included donuts, football, and alternative rock music. The thing my brain finally settled on, though, was something that without fail has made me smile every single day: Golden retrievers. I replaced the skinny, beautiful girls who made me insecure with floppy ears and puppy dog eyes. I no longer see bikini pictures when I open the app, but instead, I'm greeted with drooling tongues and fluffy tails, and I haven't been disappointed in my decision yet.

After making this change, I've been happier than I have ever been. I spend less time on my phone, my self confidence is at an all time high, and I've made so many new friendships due to that confidence. My golden retriever plan has worked so well, in fact, that even when I click on the explore tab, my recommended photos are all puppies rather than celebrities or couple photos. Besides changing my entire self-image, this process has taught me a lot about myself. Aside from the fact that I want to own 17 goldens when I get my own place, the most important lesson I learned is that I truly am in charge of the way I feel. It is 100% possible and okay to take matters into your own hands and change something to make your life better. Furthermore, I was concerned that these girls I knew were going to get upset with me for unfollowing them, and that they wouldn't understand why I had to do it; I thought our friendships would be over. I learned, however, that no one cared. Not a single person asked me anything about it, and I have remained friends with all of them.

It is important to take care of yourself above other things, and it's important to foster your life in an environment that promotes happiness, smiles, and laughter rather than scrutiny and self-hatred, You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Remember to treat yourself like it.