It had to be in about sixth grade when I started to care about my physical appearance. I was attending a new school that year. A new school, in a new area. I was no longer in the country, I was in an urban area – something I never experienced before. I was one of maybe six white people, and I was average. It had to be that year when I began comparing myself to other girls.
Each person has different features. I’m an identical twin and my sister and I have two different body types. There is not one person that has the EXACT same figure as another. It’s impossible. But at the time, I didn’t take this into account, I was too worried about fitting in with everyone else. Take the above photo for example. I am the one on the left, in the green. I didn't even listen to the band whose logo was plastered all over that shirt. I didn't even OWN that shirt, I borrowed it to fit the look for the concert. The photo on the right is me, hardcore pondering why I ever tried so hard to be something I wasn't.
For those who know me today, you know I hate extremely form fitting clothes. I like to spend most of my time in comfy clothes. I rarely, if ever, buy tight clothing. This is not to say I dress in potato sacks, but I definitely would not be caught in much of what is on trend today. But when I first moved to my new school, everyone--and I mean everyone--was wearing tight clothing. Tight was in, baggy was out. So I did what any insecure 12-year-old would do, I marched right up to Lady First (the store that sold the cool uniform shirts) and bought a couple. There was no way I was going to spend my years in uniform without looking as cool as everyone else.
As I type this, I can’t help but think about how silly that was. I didn’t need to fit in with everyone else. I just needed to be me. As I got older, I learned to become comfortable in my own skin. I no longer feel the need to validate myself by purchasing articles of clothing that make other people happy. I buy what I want to buy. I wear what I feel comfortable in. Again, this is not to say I neglect trends, or that I disapprove of anyone who follows fashion. Personally, it doesn’t matter to me. Of course, I purchase trendy articles of clothing, but I no longer do it to feel validated, I do it because I like whatever I’m buying.
If you’re struggling with accepting your body and wish to change it, go for it! Improving your body by making dietary changes or working out are great ways to become more healthy and comfortable in your body. If you wish to love your body as it is remember that we all carry weight differently. We all come in different shapes and sizes. There isn’t a standard to meet in order to feel/be beautiful. It is a beautiful to feel comfortable in the skin you were given. Life is too short to be anything, but happy. If you wish to see a change, make it happen. The hardest part about being able to accept yourself is realizing that self-validation is worth a lot more than starving yourself and sacrificing your identity.
